shoutouts 1,2 and 3

2011 was one of the hardest and the greatest summers I've ever had

This picture was June 27th: the tip of the iceberg for rough times about to come my way. This is the day that it became official that I wasn't leaving in August. It was 2 hours past the first set of tears and about 2 minutes before the full breakdown. Starting June 27th I was kinda held together by band-aids and tape so to speak. I was a mess to say the least. I realized yesterday though that I had three great people that were ALWAYS there for me and while I was busy chasing the world away from me, these three were breaking down my walls and staying by my side.
Miss Jenn: she started as my roommate but over the last few months we got to be good friends. We nearly died going to a bonfire, went on many drives, made seven dozen (AMAZING) cookies and had a lot of talks. Jenn wrote me such a nice letter that I still have and was so great for somebody genuine to talk to. She always approached me out of concern, not curiosity. At least twice she just came and sat on my floor while I cried "so that [I] wouldn't be alone."
P. Mosh: Pier knew more of the background story than most so she was good for talking through some of it. She was never judgmental and always tried to be patient and understanding to whatever I needed. She always seemed to text me randomly and it was always just what I needed to hear. The day I would have gone in to the MTC she text me saying "I know today is probably rough for you. Know that I love you!" and it was enough.

J. Farns: God bless Jessica! Jess got mainly the wrath side of it all. Jess knows me better than I remember sometimes. She knows that the hardest things I try to deal with on my own so when I'd tell her I was "fine" she'd come over and try to talk through it some. After one particular blowup (again...my apolagies!) she backed off some but never failed to let me know that I was loved. Even though I hated it somedays, she gave me some tough love that I was greatly in need of.

I LOVE the people in my life!

And I am incredibly

lucky to have them there.

as of lately...

Last night I got Lisa hooked on Grey's Anatomy. Yeahhhhhhhh!

My landlord text me today...our utilites for the month are $71 each. Yes feel free to read that over again because I had to re-read four times to believe it. seventy.one.each. That redefines ridiculous!

I wrote the missionarys for the week and feel great about it

For the second week in a row, I once again have FOUR essays due this week. But I turned one in today. check.

I made a list yesterday of some things I need the Lord to help me with and even by today I can feel a difference in a couple of them.

Had one of my little "brave" nights the other night and let one of the boys read the personal essay for my health class and proved myself wrong because I didn't regret it the next day like I thought I would. I love that feeling where you're able to look at a situation you had a hard time with and then realize you just have peace with it now. It's awesome!

Conversation with "the new boy" today:
J-I was looking through your facebook pictures and saw what looked like a mission call opening
Me: Ohhh. Yep.
J-So what was it?
Me: A mission call
J-Okay. Where was it too?
Me: California
..........................
(20 minutes of awkward silence)
Turns out that conversation still comes up and still isn't getting any easier. BUT on a brighter end: 2 weeks ago I felt almost sick the whole weekend because I knew hands down that I was supposed to tell the mission story to my institute class but I REALLY REALLY didn't want to. Long story short I did. I started off saying my mom and friends might be mad at me if they knew I was about to tell you this cause I don't talk to people about it....and bawled the whole way through. But those 2 boys that talked to me after and the one crying behind me? Totally made it worth it.

Sean hasn't had to back me out of the driveway for 2 weeks. We made cookies today to celebrate my driving improvements

I am taking 16 credits and working full time. Busy is how I feel on my calm days.

Today I get to check another thing off my bucket list: eat a whole pizza by myself. Yep! Took a blanket outside on the lawn to soak up the last of our warm days and before I knew it my hot n' ready was up and gone. Kinda gross to think about but secretly I've always wanted to do that.

Mt. Dew has successfully been cut from 9/day to 2/day and it feels amazing

I can't wait for Halloween! Starts off my favorite time of year. Decorating our house is most likely going to happen this week....

I read my scriptures again yesterday. I still don't know much about the stories in them or who did what or when such a such happened but I love that I feel good about myself and feel a little bit more self worth come back to me every time that I read them.

As much as I love meeting new people, I always appreciate my friends that already know where I went to high school and what I want to major in.

I'm getting my hair done again on Wednesday. 3 cheers for change!

J. Farns has been gone almost a week and I've only gone to text her four times. That my friends, is a definet improvement.

If I end this now and turn off my light I will be in bed before three for the first time in I don't even know how long. Have a terrific Tuesday! :)

phenominal Friday

Last Friday was beyond insane. Thursday I took a "mental health day" and ditched class to get a ton of MUCH needed errands done. I got a huuuuuuge to-do list done and it felt great. Then I went to work for sixteen hours. I was getting off at 7am and at 730 am we were meeting at the Y trailhead to do a little early morning hiking. After that I went home and made breakfast and then booked it to 3 hours of class. Kezy and I took a quick roadtrip to Payson to see grandma at the hospital. 10 minute shower and 2 minutes on makeup and it was out the door with Michelle and Lorna to get food and meet up with the boys at the BYU game. GREAT game! Love that football season is in full swing. After the game it was time for letting alllll of Provo know who won, pizza and a great chat with Michelle. After 47 hours it was time for bed.

And it was awesome!

1. Ericka 2. Julie 3. Brittany 4. Anna 5. Sara 6. Hannah 7. Shaylee 8. Adaiza 9. Kylee 10.Allie 11.Brie 12. Melissa 13. Corinne 14.Gemily 15. Lacy 16. Jenn...

Meet roommate #17! I was talking with a couple friends the other night and we realized that with me moving so much, I've already had a ton of roommates. This is Lisa and she's teh one I'm closest with in my house as of now. She's awesome! Roommates 18 (Stephanie) and 19 (Brittney) and house pictures coming soon! I've loving life and really loving the living situation!

goodbyes

When I moved from Price to Provo in 8th grade, I said goodbye to my Helper friends and the way things were. College time came and I bawled and bawled saying goodbye to high school friends and moved down to St. George. All of the boys slowly started trickling out on missions and goodbyes were tearfully said to each of them. I had tears well up just outside of airport security when I said goodbye to my family for four months when I went to China. I felt soo empty saying goodbye to my China babies, knowing that I was never ever going to see them again. The little brother left to serve the Lord and guess what? I cried saying goodbye. Goodbyes are nothing new to me, but they just keep coming and they never get any easier.

J. Farns has been one of my best friends for the last eight years and for as long as I've known her, I've heard her talk about how she's going to go on a mission. Our whole friendship, Jess has always been awesome for me and I have no doubt that the Lord personally planted her in my life the way that he did. This last week her long awaited mission time came and once again: time to say goodbye rolled along with it.
Friday night we did our last girls night with her and it was awesome! Everybody is crazy busy and it's hard to make plans that work but for the ones that were able to make it, we had a blast. We celebrated in true pre-mish style by going to the BYU Football Devotional and when they sang Armies of Heleman Jess started to cry but leaned over and whispered that she had never been happier or more excited. Then we went to Mi Rancheritos (not the ghetto Beto's relative) for her last hurrah of Mexican food. We celebrated like it was her birthday and this guy wasn't our waiter but ate it all up anyways!

Comedy Sports was next on the agenda. I had never been before and it was HILARIOUS! If you have a chance to go, do it! We once again acted like it was her birthday so she could judge. We ended the night like soooo many others: on the couches of the attic of her house talking about anything and everything. It was delightful for me and Michelle to wake up (with Jess already downstairs as always haha) and go down to find fresh crepes made for us. YUM!

Saturday and Sunday were spent with our friends and the whole thing was just great. It's always fun to see everybody and we were all so happy and excited for her. I'm not sure who's gonna go on drives with me, listen to me ramble on and on and on about boys, calm me down on my crazy days, take me to the creamery for Kids Meals, heart attack the boys houses or sit me down and 'give it to me like it is' but I couldn't be happier for her! I know without a doubt that she is going to be an incredible misisonary.

"Who would be who if our group of friends were on 'FRIENDS'?"

Thanks for being the sister I wanted, the mom I sometimes needed and the friend that never left my side!

(no matter how much you may have wanted to)

"God be with you til' we meet again..."

"I knew that you went to Timpview because I remember that you always said hi to me my Junior year..."

This kid made my day.
Note to self: you never know what kind of influence you're having whether for good or for bad on people.

confession

I'm trying this new thing this semester where I'm fairly serious about school. Not missing, doing all the assignments...you know! Things that people typically do out of common sense. And not only do the stuff but be sincere about it. No sooner than I made this commitment, a professor gave us an assignment that almost made me quit immediatly. "Do your 'I will allow myself to...' assignment as private writing in a public way. Remember to look deep and really push yourself! Make it worth it. And yes...we're pulling these up in class Friday." So! Hello health and wellness class and the world...let's begin! ;)
This picture is of me and my sisters. Obviously. What you probably don't know though is that this Chantel is VASTLY different from 'present day' Chantel. This was before life happened to me. With 2 exceptions, I still thought that life was just peachy alllll the time. Exception 1 had been dealt with and exception 2 is still a work in progress but I was ignoring it then. This was when I believed everything that people said to me, no questions asked. I didn't yet know what it felt like to be truly hurt. And more painful than anything else, to be hurt by somebody close to me that I trusted 100%. I thought "heartbreak" was a ridiculous term but in 2 years I'd learn it the hard way; collapsed in my bathroom and throwing up. I had this grand idea in my mind what relationships were and the way my future husband (aka Prince Charming of course) would come into my life.

A little while after this, I learned a lot of lessons. Some the hard way and I fully acknowledge that I brought it upon myself. Somewhere along the way, I lost my image of marriage and love and thought very little of it. I hated it even. I buried my desires by telling myself that it was a lie and I didn't want it. I told myself hookups were easier. I decided to act out of "fun" more than anything else. As me and one of my best friends discussed yesterday, this is not only false, but it makes everything worse. Some of the hardest conversations are the ones where somebody thinks so highly of a guy, and I'm dying inside because I feel like they're awful because of the way that I let them treat me. "Friends with benefits" "make out buddies" "non-commital"....it's all a bunch of bull to be honest. But it's easier that way. That way you aren't expected to talk about the hard things. That way you don't have to put yourself out there. That way, you know without a doubt, that you will never hurt as bad as you did before.

But every so often I remember why the risk was worth it. How fun it was to feel like you had a constant best friend. A "go to" person. Somebody that could make you laugh and turn your whole day around and have that person not only be fun to kiss, but mean something to you. Sure, I can lie and tell myself that I never want to get married but I know it's a lie. And everytime I hold a baby I remember how my whole life, I've wanted nothing more than to be a mom. Yes, relationships can be awful. Yes, they can hurt you. But they can be some of the greatest things too. So, starting today I will allow myself to be loved again.

best.purchase.ever

I LOVE me some Kenny Chesney. I LOVE some Billy Currington. LOVE Uncle Kracker. LOVE LOVE Luke Bryan. Freakin lovvvvvve Tim McGRAW! But something about these boys just make me all crazy like no other band/boy can do!

I'll give you one guess where I'll be Friday night....

BRING ON round #3

Cheers to the Bishop

This is a GREAT guy! He was my Bishop this last year since January and talk about "being where you were for a reason." I was at that ward Sunday for probably the last time. It made me laugh at one point of the testimonies when one guy said he stayed at the complex to keep the Bishop because I ALMOST did the same thing and I know that's the only reason Troy is there now. He is amazing! I have seen lot of Bishop's but none that I've been able to get close to like Bishop Owen. He's a pyschologist so talk about the whole looking into your soul type of thing...he had it down! He's a great man that helped me through a lot and helped me come to peace with things that were years and years ago. The Lord really does hand pick the people that look out for us.

yes I creeped and got the picture off his facebook

mine is better...

Why is my best friend better than yours?...

cause he goes to Applebees on karaoke nights

cause he doesn't get super mad when I bring soup in the Jeep

cause he randomly brings me Magelby's for breakfast

cause even though it'll frustrate him, he's never mad when I'm late

cause he doesn't know how to handle drama and freaks when some is thrown his way

cause everyone that meets him, instantly likes him

cause sometimes he'll say "No country" but let me play it anyways

cause he'll drive 3 hours to go to a wedding that he doesn't know

cause at the wedding he'll never complain and not get mad that I get caught up catching up

cause he'll talk to people even when he doesn't know anyone

cause even though he kinda hates pictures, he'll still take them

cause he talks me into doing things I know are good

cause Tanner is the besssssst