Wednesday, March 24, 2010

MVP #3

I hate when people know that I'm down about something. I hate when people know I'm having a hard time. I espeically hate when people see me cry. I hate when my emotions are out there AT ALL so tonight I had the worst thing in the world happen to me...I cried at work.

I had to be to work at 6pm and so naturally at about 4:45 my brain decides that it's time to have a break down. Full. On. Break. Down. So much of a breakdown that I started shaking and threw up 4 times. Delightful no? :) We're understaffed anyways and we have State here this week (anyone in healthcare knows what kind of hell this brings) so I knew there was no way I was getting out of going in. I pulled myself together as much as I could, put my sunglasses on and went in.

Thankfully I hit that point where I was just exhausted and numb to everything. I was numb to getting yelled at over the kitchen messing up a hall tray. I was numb to getting sprayed with water by the shaky man that I had to shower that INSISTED on holding the spicket himself. I was numb to getting my shoe pooped on. I was numb to the man that grabbed my arm insisting that he NEEEEEDED to have another cookie. I was numb to the girl that called in saying she was going to be late. I was so tired that my body was literally numb when I finally got to sit down.

I was working on my charting when I looked up and saw another resident from 4 halls away. Typically this man is supposed to be in a wheelchair but he was walking. This is a problem. Still numb, completly emotionless, and exhausted, I grudingly stood up to walk him allllll the way back to his room so that he wouldn't fall.

This man (who'se name I can't say) wins the MVP. I didn't do one for last week so just pretend that today is Friday.

I know this patient fairly well because I've worked on the other hall a lot. Obviously I can't use his name or use a picture so we will call him Oscar. This picture fits him perfectly because at first appearance he tries to come across tough and all bad-a but he isn't like that at all.

As soon as I got to him he looked at me and said "What's up kid? You don't look like yourself tonight." We're pretty close so I gave him a very short version of what was on my mind earlier that day. He gave me a huge hug (which started me tearing up) and proceeded to tell me the most amazing things as we walked down the hall with his arm around me.

Oscar and I have had some good talks before but nothing like tonight. Thank you Heavenly Father because he knew EXACTLY what I needed to hear! I was so annoyed about having to walk allll the way over there but I am so thankful that I did! And I'm thankful that it was late so that nobody saw me emotional, THANK HEAVENS!

I went to Vegas twice last week and it doesn't take a brain surgeon to know that women aren't exactly respected there. That was still partially on my mind. It was so refreshing to talk to Oscar about his view on women and what we mean to him. It was refreshing to be thanked and to feel appreciated for the first time in a long time. (I work "for" a bunch of drama queens that think they're all going to die at any moment so thank you isn't really in their vocabulary). I finally lost it though when he made it personal.

Oscar knows some of the struggles I've had since I've been home. He made me feel better than I've felt in a long time and just so GENUINE about it. He listened to me vent some of it out (ONCE AGAIN), gave me his old man wisdom and another big hug. It was all I needed. I left his room, ducked in a neighboring empty one to pull myself together, then went back to my hall, clocked out and sat in my car thinking for a while and feeling really good about things working out.

Thanks Grandpa Oscar! :) That meant more to me than what you know. Please feel free to walk down my hall without your wheelchair at any time :)

Monday, March 22, 2010

Welcome Monday!

You know those weeks where nothing can go wrong? You know those weeks where you spend way too much money? You know those weeks where you burn in a whole new 6 pack from laughing so hard because everything is genuinely that funny? You know those weeks where you're back with people you haven't seen in a long time, but nothing has changed? You know those weeks where you're able to be totally and completly yourself? You know those weeks where you talk for hours on end? You know those weeks where you sit and reminisce and laugh? You know those weeks that you feel so blessed to have the friends that you do? You know those weeks where you're able to see perfectly clear what matters most and what you want in life? You know those weeks where you wish that nothing would ever change?....

Yeah...I hate when they end too! But it sure was a blast! :)

Sunday, March 14, 2010

MVP #2

In my ongoing attempt to be seeing the good in EVERYBODY, I have been thinking about my weekly "MVP" and this week it was hands down my dad!

I'm such a daddy's girl at heart! I'm the youngest of 3 girls so I think of myself as his actual "baby girl" but I'm not gonna lie, there are moments that I am "scared" of my dad. Not necessarily scared OF him but I think more scared of how he'll react or letting him down or disappointing him. In high school I had this feeling a lot more but since I've moved out we've become better friends so it isn't a feeling I get very often.

This week was CRAZZZZY! It was Spring Break but I had work every single day so I wasn't able to go anywhere. On top of having work everyday, my karma felt it necessary to have something go wrong EVERY SINGLE DAY. Nothing will compare to Tuesday though!

To make a long story short I will just give you a quick rundown: I had to be to work by 2 and I knew I didn't have any clean scrubs so I HAD to get laundry done. However, it rained so hard Monday night that the power got knocked out and I didn't wake up until about 11. I woke up to our house a mess and smelling like fish ONCE AGAIN! (Kudos to you though for actually cooking!) Late Monday night I'd had car problems and had to have it jumped literally 5 times so I wanted to take it in to get looked at. Went outside with my laundry basket and it STILLLLL wouldn't start! GREAT! To make the laundry a long story short, I had to walk it over 5 buildings to the clubhouse to get it started, forgot my quarters so had to walk back, forgot my soap so had to go back AGAIN and then didn't even have enough to do it all anyways. I weighed it before all of this started because I haven't done it in weeks so I knew I had a lot. YEAH 14 pounds worth! I have a bruise just about the size of a football on my hip from all of my walking. Did I mention that we STILLLLL have rain pouring this whole time? I was drenched.

Ericka left work to come and jump it for me to get to the shop. 2 hours later I was finally leaving with a new battery and not quite as much dignity due to my lack of car knowledge, my sticking horn, and my apparently annoying cell phone ring. I thought I'd swing by the school to talk to my probation "officer" because I was supposed to do it 2 weeks again and still hadn't. As soon as I got there, I realized I'd taken my backpack out the night before. So I decided to do it the next day but forgot to call him back and tell him nevermind again.

I pull up to the clubhouse to switch laundry, realizing that I only had 45 minutes until work and they took 30 minutes to dry so it was going to be close. At this's STILLLLL down pouring rain! So I jump out of my car and I sprint about 10 feet before I realize that I ONCE AGAIN left my quarters sitting in my purse, on the front seat of my car. I get back to my car ready to fly my door open, grab my purse and book it inside when I see something interesting sitting in the front seat of my keys :( Yes indeed I had locked myself out!

Apparantly the cops don't open cars up anymore due to liability issues so I had to call "The Key Man." It took him 20 minutes to get there (while I'm once again stranded in the rain) and about 20 seconds to unlock then turns and tells me 40 bucks. A joke!! That was the most ridiculous thing I'd heard. Muttering to myself, I hand him my card then watch him swipe it over and over again before he tells me it isn't working.

Time for my call of shame. After already calling my dad 9 times asking him car questions that morning, I knew he'd be a little surprised to see that I was once again in need. The key van followed me to Maverick (for the ATM) while I was in my car trying to hold my diginity and my tears together while I tell my dad I needed to borrow some money and explained to him what an awful day I was having.

I was scared that maybe he'd be disappointed. I thought he'd ask more of exactly how I jumped out my car without my keys. I was afraid that he wouldn't answer the phone. I'd be afraid that he'd be annoyed that I was calling AGAIN. I was afraid he'd ask a lot of questions about why I didn't have a simple 40 dollars. He didn't though. He was VERY calm and helpful. He even calmed ME down and didn't even laugh when I just kept saying how I just wanted to go to bed and end the day, he just kept telling me that it'd be fine, and to go to work, go to bed after and things would be better.

This awful day goes on to me going to work in wet underwear and scrubs. It goes on to me getting thrown up on within 15 minutes of getting to work. It goes on to me getting called off anyways so being thrown up on was TOTALLY un-necessary. It goes on to me being home alone that night because everybody had gone to Mesquite...where I was SUPPOSED to go before my schedule got mesed up and I got called in...only to be called off again. It goes on to me finally going in to see my probation officer and getting a little lecture about doing better. It goes on me face planting it when I walked inside my house because I was balancing my phone and laundry and got caught up in our rug. It was an awful day to say the least.

But after talking to my dad, it really didn't seem quite as bad anymore. He has a way of being able to be amazingly comforting even from so far away. Just that simple 5 minute conversation made me feel so re-assured that everything really would be okay.

Other things about my dad? Just knowing that he is home at night makes me feel SOOO safe! When he was gone for business I would never sleep as good as when he was there. I love when I go home now because it's the same way. Down here I still sleep good, but in Provo it's GREAT because I know he's looking out for me. He's told us before that he has never once tried drinking or any drugs. I love that about him! He made a HUGE effort to make it to all of my extracurricular things in high school which was definetly not easy. Multiple times he'd be our only support at all. He took off work so many times to be there. The only times he ever did miss was when he was out of town. He's always been such an amazing example of a good priesthood holder. He's on his second round of Bishop and he's doing an amazing job! More than just priesthood though, he's a good example all around! He treats my mom the way that she deserves and he's set a very high bar for the kind of guy that I want to marry! And he has raised my brothers SOOO GOOD and passed all of it along to them.

My dad was never a fan of how we decorated our room. He didn't understand why we wanted to cover every single wall in pictures. He was REALLY against it at first but I think it kind of grew on him and even though he was still slightly annoyed by it, it become more of a joke. When I was moving out, he came down that morning as I was finishing packing and he said "This is kind of depressing now with how empty this is." He gave me a hug and it started my water works for the day.

I LOVE YOU DAD! Thanks for....everything! :)

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Happy Sunday!

Hey God, it's me...

I know I said that I would do better, but I'm still working on it. Today was a great day! As was last night. Thank you for giving me the family that I have and for finally becoming close with them. I know you've told me before that I need them and I tried to deny it, but I'm working on it and starting to really believe you on that. I don't know any guys better than my dad and brothers. Jake included. I LOVE them! Thanks for giving me my sisters. "Sisters by chance, friends by choice right?

Thank you for always having the perfect timing. That letter yesterday made me bawl but it could not have been more needed and more perfect! Even though it was only for a couple minutes, thanks for the chat with Veronica. She is hilarious no matter what we're talking about. Thanks for having Casey call. I love that guy! That was another needed conversation.

I'm glad that I'm learning more and more about why certain things happen in life. I know that I don't express it, but I truly am very grateful for the trials in my life. I'm also thankful for the good things in life and being able to see just how great they truly are.

Thank you for prompting me to move where I've moved and do what I've done. I see more and more everyday why I have certain people in my life, and why I DON'T have certain people in my life. Thank you for putting me in the position to be able to meet them.

Thank you for Brie and Ericka! They are the greatest and have taught me SOOO much! Not to mention them inspiring me to always be better and keep progressing on things.

Church today was amazing! For the first time, I actually didn't want it to end. Thanks for prompting me to bear my testimony. I think I really needed that. Thanks for everything else that you already know about what happened :)

I'm going to get some sleep now. Thanks for everything though and I promise I really am trying to be better at not messing things up in my life. Like we said earlier...the important thing is to TRY to do my BEST to be BETTER. I love you!


Saturday, March 6, 2010

letters letters letters

Dear Mr. Demanding.
Please stop laying there and just yelling at me. If you had gotten up to get things for yourself to begin with, you wouldn't have the problems you have now! There are more people than just you in this world. Odd concept I know...try to wrap your brain around it!

Dear Mr. Heavy Drinkers.
I still think drinking is nasty. But thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for shouting down from your balcony while I stood there and froze to death. Thanks for the cat calls on a night I felt gross ;)

Dear Ms. Random.
Your text tonight had me laughing for about 20 minutes straight. I also think of YOU everytime I hear that song. And when I think of like 50 million other things. Thanks for following in my footsteps and texting me everytime there's a reminder.

Dear Mr. Intense.
I was down to try being friends. You clearly are not. Now you're starting to freak me out just a little bit sometimes. When I text you at 8:30 and tell you I'm at a game and out with friends for the night, that is not code to go to my house and wait for me to get home. Or for you to continually text and ask where I am...when you already know! Thank you for pulling my chair out for me all the time. That really is very kind of you! But if I run into one more person that you have told we're dating, I will probably hit you with a chair.

Dear Ms. Splurge.
Seriously LOVE all the food you bought for the party last night! That was amazing of you. However, I am now sitting at the bar eating like 6 pounds of chips and just continually drinking more and more Mt. Dew and rootbeer. I think we need to get rid of this stuff tomorrow because I'm starting to feel sick.

Dear Mr. Best Friend
It was so good to see you tonight! :) This week just didn't feel right with not seeing you every single day. Thank you for asking about work, my tests, roommates and of course cracking me up along the way. Thank you for letting me always make myself at home at your house. I love you!

Dear MS. Best Friend
I love you too! Thank you for the hilarious stories while I sit on the countertops and you dance around the kitchen. I love how excited you get when you start talking but then dead stop to hurry and text somebody back, only to get the same excitement level as soon as you're done.

Dear Mr. Scum of the Earth.
When you're married, you no longer get to hit on girls and ask for their numbers. You SURE AS HELL do not get to compliment my body and then ask me out. The saddest part is that your wife probably has no idea that your wedding ring came off as you were walking over to me. The worst part is that you openly told me you were married without it even moderatly phasing you. Please crawl into a hole and die because you made me literally sick today.

Dear Mr. Coworker.
Thanks again for taking that last round for me while I worked on my book of charting. I again want to genuinely apolagize that they peed on you when it should have been me. Thanks for making me laugh so hard that I almost peed MY pants and a HUUUUUGE thank you for only joking around about throwing the pan of puke to me :) what a pal!

Dear Mr. Moodswings
I'm sorry that you have stuff going on right now. But you are not the only one that has issues in life. I'm sorry if that's rude but you really aren't :( Thanks for at least sometimes attempting to be my friend, but I need somebody a little more stable. You're a blast to hang out with and I love talking to you, but I never know where we stand on things or how you're feeling from one day to the next and I don't appreciate that you'll just drop me for a few days while you pull it together.

Dear Mr. Driveby
Your truck looks so fun! Thanks for driving by 3 different times, makin a different funny face each time and just playing around. I will never see you again but you truly made today a little bit better.

Dear Mr. (s) Caught.
Yes that's right. Random boys from good ol' Timpview were in Geezy for some time. Yes they lied about their age. Yes they almost got away with it. Yes they ended up getting slapped by Ms. Attitidue when she found out the truth. I'm sorry I blew your cover, but you should have let me in on your secret that she didn't know. I hope the handprint comes off soon :(

Dear Mr. Plastered Neighbor.
I love that you live above us and also appreciate a good party or a great song. But you creeped us out a little bit tonight. The first time you came down to introduce yourself and say hi was really funny. It was good to meet you, but the way you went about it was weird. I'm sorry we screamed in your face and slammed the door: we had just been talking about rapists and you hadn't knocked yet so we had no idea you were there! I also am sorry that you've "F-ed" up so many times that you will now be locked up for 1 year on Monday. However, when you get out, take note of a little tip: DO NOT tell 2 girls that are home alone that you are getting locked up in 2 days, and then ask to come in and hang out with us for a little while at 3 in the morning. This will be a deal breaker for you EVERYTIME whether you are drunk or not :)

Dear Mr. Dean
Thank you for letting Dixie be a little bit cooler than BYU and giving us a VERRRY needed spring break! I am already enjoying mine thoroughly! You are the greatest.



Everybody meet Miss Brie. I met her about 2 months ago when I moved back down here. She's one of my "random" roommates that I started out Spring semester with but now she is one of my best friends! I had heard a lot about her, the biggest thing being how nice she always is. That is an UNDERSTATEMENT! Brie is hands down the nicest and most genuine person I have ever met. When she asks you questions she actually cares. She has my back through everything. I LOOOOOVE listening to her music and all the fun songs she finds from I don't even know where! We're on the same page with so many things in life right now so I always feel like I can go to her and talk to her about absolutly anything! She always has the perfect balance between when I need her to reply, and when I need to just talk. Brie is a blast to hang out, even on the nights when we just go to the clubhouse to do laundry and work out. Thanks for everything my favorite roomie! :) I love you!

Friday, March 5, 2010


First time encounter with Nyquil..."SISTER MISSIONARIES!"...honking for 2 blocks... dinner at Cafe picnic day with Er, Kay and party has me sweating... hot tubing... passed out on the bedroom floor...Avatar around a laptop...surprise sleepover with Casey and CDs...sleepover at Er's...Hilary locking people out...scary movies...funny movies... great talks...Kaylee KILLING at bowling...first time dieing my hair... basketball game with creeper...continual texting to creeper...walk to Rebel Creek...OC marathon...missionary rants with Brie...martinelli...cuddling with Hil during scary parts...freezing on the phone...gangster on countertops...Texas Roadhouse...HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAYLEE!...Justin Young...Colbie concert...did I mention I met her?

Welcome new weekend! Last week was the best of 2010 so you have a lot to live up to!