Saturday, June 29, 2013

Called to Serve

Long story short: I put in mission papers May 28th and received my call June 10th. Even writing this now, it's hard to find the right words to explain exactly how I felt about it and all the emotions that went into opening that oversized envelope. 
I use to always laugh at people who talked about opening their calls and 'instantly knew that's where I was supposed to be.' Turns out, that feeling is absolutely true! And quite amazing. In the words of my Stake President, nothing about my mission call has been normal, but looking down and seeing San Fernando California on that looooong awaited paper was amazing! Lots and lots of years for sure. I instantly had a feeling of peace and surety I have never had before in knowing that is EXACTLY where I need to be!
Doing the right thing can be really really hard. Doing what The Lord has planned for you can be really really hard. And when you feel like His plans don't match up with your own it feels frustrating and nearly impossible! 
But I am so grateful we eventually get to a point where we can look back on things. Sometimes we see the 'why' and sometimes we're left to wonder but either way, I feel like there's a sense of peace that comes with knowing we're somehow headed where we're suppose to be. I can't imagine not going through these last 2 years and can't wait to see what happens in the next 18 months. 60 days!

Saturday, March 30, 2013

A not so short story...

I've had something on my mind for awhile now and the "Easter spirit" seemed to just add to it. For whatever reason I decided to share so we'll dive in to a personal aspect here...

Growing up I always heard about 'the Atonement' and all it could do for us, how special and amazing it was etc. I think any LDS kid can relate to hearing those talks over and over again... It never meant anything to me. And I also didn't understand why people seemed so passionate or grateful for it.
It took me until a few months before I turned twenty-two to get a glimpse of it.

When I was fourteen, I experienced something none of my friends or family had ever gone through. I kept it to myself and buried it, repeatedly trying to tell myself it didn't happen; I felt awful anytime I thought about it or had it stirred up. Although it got to the point where it wasn't point blank on my mind anymore, it definitely impacted my life in a huge way and it wasn't hard for it to get stirred up. For years I "carried it" alone.

I was leaving class at UVU one day when I saw Project Clothesline set up. I didn't know what it was but it looked pretty cool and there was a bunch of people so I wandered over. People wandered in and out pretty quickly and only read a few shirts. There were whistles and gongs going off representing how frequently a woman was raped or abused; naturally people were disturbed by it.

I don't know exactly how long I stayed but it was at least two hours walking the aisles and reading allll the shirts. As sad as it was, reading these shirts and realizing there were other people who had gone through the same thing gave me comfort and I felt good! When I left, there was a lot on my mind. Raw feelings of hurt and disgust for what had happened were back and I wanted to feel good again.

I went back the next day and still stayed way longer than normal; feeling that same twisted sense of comfort. I realized there was a LOT of negativity! Lots of 'burn in hell', 'you ruined my life', 'I wish you were dead' type of talk and more f bombs than I could count. Something kinda broke inside of me.

Seven years of burying things did not help and it certainly didn't fix things. As much a I don't want to talk about it or bring things up, I didn't want to be one of these girls who were stuck in their feelings of hate and maybe even loathing. (At least for me..) and I REALLY didn't want to be the girl who enjoyed hanging out in such a sad place.

I remember the first of many blessings I got in dealing with this. From the very start of saying my name, I instantly felt a comfort ten times better than Project Clothesline could offer! It was a feeling of complete and total understanding that NOBODY around me could ever do. I bawled (of course) through hearing promises of love, healing and learning to trust and I actually believed it.

That was the first time I really understood how great the Atonement could be and why people loved it like they did. And it really is amazing! I've since used it more times than I'd have cared to and it never ceases to amaze me how so many negative or hurt feelings can be taken away from us no matter how strong they are.

This year I have felt it stronger (and needed it more) than ever! It's been such a relief to go from feelings of hopeless or total loss and be able to just let go of people or things who have hurt us and feel at peace with it. I am so grateful for it. And I am the happiest I have been in a really really long time! HAPPY EASTER!

Monday, August 13, 2012

memory lane

 Everytime I move I typically re-do all of my picture frames. It takes me forever and I get way too caught up into looking at all of them and reminiscing! I'm camped out at my mom's waiting for my car to get fixed and I wandered upon even more treasures on her computer...
This bag lasted me allllll years of Girls Camp and Youth Conference! And it always went in the front truck as a joke for everyone to look for the orange back if they got lost.
 "Dare Night"...#9: lick 5 floors. D2 trumped E2 so it was worth it
 hahaha Dare Night was one of my favorite nights
 Spring Break 2009 we got hooked up to go on a tour of FOX Studios. It was amazing! We were on the set of Prison Break and got to see the ins and outs of how they do things there
Huntington Beach 2009
 Best. Night. Ever! Kaylee was turning 21, Er was already 21...and I was 19. So I borrowed somebody's ID and we all went dancing in Vegas. We're pros cause the ID said I was 27 and 162 pounds with a girl checking them.
 Life Lesson: don't jump on the tramp in your PROM dress
 Just up from sunset beach in Hawaii. About 30 seconds after this picture a whale flipped up 10 feet out of the water. Can not wait to go back!
 Pearl Harbor with Ash!
 2 am getting ready for the last assembly
 Student Gov boys know how to dance
 2008 class officers

 Tunnel line up with some of the favorites at graduation
 In DC we didn't understand this sign but loved it. Took us all week but we finally got a picture of us kissing and riding
 Chrissy and the Constitution
 So we knew Brett did laundry at the Dixie baseball field and told us how he'd get creeped out leaving some we hid under the bleachers....
 ...and waited 30 minutes for him to come out... this point he was calm but we got him good! He pulled back and was ready to swing at us before he recognized it was just us.
 Student Government trip to DC Senior year
 I was too tired to go to Wal-Mart so I was riding in the cart once we got there. This RANDOM, creepy man comes up and tells my friends they weren't pushing me right. He takes the cart and wheels me around like this for 20 minutes while my friends hid. Longest and most awkward 20 minutes of my life...
 Building forts, watching Mulan and burning wishes with the roommates.
 "Oh yeah! This car totally fits me!" Trips to Grafton
 They told us we could sit on the couches until they were ready to burn them...
 ...but we weren't too eager to move.
 Love these 2 :)
 Class President? SURPRISE you speak at graduation
CNA class. Let's be honest...we were wayyyy too naive to take that in high school but we had some dang good times

I love pictures cause it's so easy to look at them and remember everything from that day! My friend "helping" me change pictures lost 20 bucks trying to challenge me on this....
happy Monday!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

summer highlights


-finally got my patriarchal blessing

-camping up Provo canyon

-"camping group" strikes up and trip to Moab

-first voiced going on a mission

-celebrated cinco de mayo!

-Britt graduated from nursing school


-mission call to San Fernando California spanish speaking

-hiking Payson canyon with the roomies

-trip to vegas

-first time kissing a Timpview boy

-hike Mt. Olympus and see a rattle snake

-scooter ride from Provo to Park City

-RO-DAY-OH season starts

-Jake home from Iraq

-Mona rope swing


-chopped 8 inches off my hair

-almost moved to Arizona..then St. George....then Europe for 7 months

-Chrissy left to serve in Prague

-Brad Paisley at Stadium of Fire

-early Harry Potter 7 P2 showing

-Astle and Ceej came home

-Kenny Chesney concert

-Bear Lake trip

-lots and lots and lots of aerial fireworks

-boating for Andy's birthday

-AF adventure with Lenzie

-camping with dad and Tanner


-trip to Cam's cabin in Causey

-moved to a townhouse

-Beehive for one year

-Huntsville trip with Tanner

-caught Rachel's bouquet

-St. George trip

-became a true Wolverine

-sticky note a car (originally black but looks white after)

-float Provo River

-Camping with family

-Brittany Allred's wedding

-Shelley's wedding

-Tim McGraw and Luke Bryan concert