July 10th there was a mix up at work that made me and another girl double scheduled. Essentially we had 4 girls when only 2 had to be there. I was quick enough to be the first to dibs going home. I was having a crazy week (nothing unusual) and the last place I wanted to be was work. I decided to run by my mom's for dinner and on the way there I got a text about Sherrie Dew speaking for our stake relief society that night. As much as I wanted to just hit the sweats and couch with finally a night off, I booked it back to my apartment to change after dinner, picked up my mom and sister and headed to the church.
You know those times where after you leave, you understand why you were supposed to go? This was one of those times. I'd kept walls up all day and even that night but at the end there was a musical number that melted my insides, so to speak. Beautiful song+emotions on edge+violin playing along made for a small melt down. I stepped out into the hall and half listened to it, half tried to regain composure. I looked it up after I got home though and I love it! I strongly reccomend you take a listen. I don't know how to upload the video on this so if it doesn't work check "Daughter of a King" on youtube.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
It has become apparent to me very quickly why Jenn came into my life when she did. Like others, she is one of my roommates that has blessed my life and made an impact on me. I love this girl! She's been there for me through all of my chaos this last little while and I doubt she knows how needed and appreciated it was. When I couldn't stop crying and nobody knew what to say, she just came and sat on my floor so I wasn't alone. She didn't feed me the "it'll get better" "for the best" "I'm so sorry" stuff that she knew I didn't want to hear, she was just there. She's somebody that's been in similar situations as me. She's somebody easy to talk to. She's somebody I trust. She's somebody that I am incredibly grateful for :)
Remember this boy?He's still doing a great job on his mission! I love to hear from him and it's obviously a given that our whole family is anxious for mom to forward his emails on to us each Monday afternoon. The last few weeks I've been lucky enought to get fairly longer, personal emails from him and it has me missing him pretty bad!
I can't believe how grown up he is! (And DARK!) It's amazing to me that he's only been gone since January because already you can hear how he's changed and grown up and had great experiences I'm sure! It's exciting to think of just how far he'll go by the time he comes home.
He's admitted several times that he is more like his sisters than he thought with his sudden love in taking pictures! And even requested that we need to send more..."this is a one way road and i feel like it shouldn't be."
I found myself at USANA last week and it brought back a lot of memories from when the two of us went to Mr. Tim McGraw last year. With some instances since there, I hear his voice in my head occasionaly and just laugh. "Your mom!" "Are you kidding me?!" and whenever I'm on UVU campus I literally laugh out loud sometimes thinking of all his "guy chats" he gave me and advice on how to develope a "gay-dar" and to keep the jerks away.
But even with missing him lately, I couldn't be more proud or happy for him! I know that he's being blessed in countless ways. He never ceases to amaze me. The last two weeks he's had me in tears with some of the things he says (not like that's been hard) and I've been reminded how even though I'm older, I'm so grateful for his amazing example and the incredible person that he is! I think in most ways, he really is the older sibling and I'm happy I have someone so great to look up to! Love him to death and I'm glad he reminded me that "at least now we'll still get to talk at Christmas"
I'm pretty stoked to say that depression stage is officially over :) Halle-freakin-lujah! (Or however you spell it) Tough tough tough times there for awhile but I think it's safe to say that the worst is over for now. I realized this week that there's a lot of things I LOVE that I'd kinda forgotten about in my self-pity, wallowing phase of the summer. I had a couple REALLY good wake up calls that were good for getting my life back on track a little bit and me back to being me.
These are a few of my favorite things:
hiking (especially by myself)
new music on itunes
driving really fast
being inside wearing sweats during the rain
Tanner bringing over Magelby's breakfast
cowboys at the rodeos
reading conference talks
laughing so hard I spit my frosty everywhere
random road trip with Drew
almost all the missionary's coming home
watching my friends do well
Mt. Dew never fails me
boating with the Logan Ladies
waking up and being so comfortable I don't move
sunglasses and windows down
Jaxon when he laughs really hard
I have a TON to catch up on with everything that's happened lately. Life is moving faster than ever before and it's nearly impossible to stay caught up on everything. Right now I'm just taking everything in the best I can and am working at getting back on track in life. For now...life is good :)
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
I found a really good quote from (my favorite) Elder Holland. It pretty much sums up my life right now...
If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort.
If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope.
If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened.
If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended.
I still cry almost everyday. I tune out for at least 80% of what people say when they talk to me, cause it's impossible to focus on anything. I'm caught in an awful limbo between not wanting to see anybody but not wanting to be alone. I blast music and sing ALL the time to try and drown out the voices in my head. I wish I could pay somebody to turn my mind off at night. And even during the day. I'm sick of people asking what I'm going to do next. "Try to find the second best option for life? Yeah..I'll probably do that."
I know I'll be back to myself eventually. Depressed right now? Yep. But sometimes that's just a part of life. I feel 90x better than I did a week ago so it's just kinda a waiting game.
Turns out chopping my hair off didn't help me feel much better either...
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