Sunday, January 30, 2011

When you haven't seen somebody in over 2 years, one more week really shouldn't make much of a difference right?...

Hurry home my friend! :)

Friday, January 21, 2011

How do you measure a year?

I had a really bad dream last night. You'll laugh, but it really was terrifying when I woke up! I had meant to do that classic [slightly cliche] "lookback" for 2010 and with my California trip and then diving into school and moving, I never did. We talked about some scary stuff and how the world is getting to be pretty bad last night at work. In return, I had a dream that a man broke into my house and was beating me up. He continued to beat me until I took him through my year month by month. CRAZY? yes! But SCARY nonetheless.

So...2010, what a year! For awhile, whenever I thought back to it, I had a lot of negative flood back to me. It was a tough year. There were lots of hard things. There were lots of changes. I got depressed, twice. I lost some people that I considered to be best friends. I had to grow up. I had fights and hurt feelings and bitterness and anger. I had a lot of 'what ifs' and questions about the future and relected back to easier times. I can't even tell you how many WEEKS I fell asleep with my ipod on repeat to "Movin' On."

But I had an unmeasureable amount of GOOD! I met colbie Cailat..I colored my hair for the first time..I stayed up all night kissing..I had sleepovers..I went to a new part of California I hadn't been to before..I took multiple trips to Vegas..I turned 21..I pet a sting ray..I went streaking on a golfcourse..I got the cutest kiss of all time.. I became good friends with people I worked with..I went cliff jumping..I went to San Diego..I celebrated New Years in the middle of the Vegas strip..I went golfing for the first time..I watched a close friend go through rehab and follow through with working to change his life..I got to watch Taylor walk at graduation..I tried sushi for the first time..I took a last minute, overnight trip to Mesquite..I laid out in the middle of January..I snuck into SandHollow in the middle of the night [not super hard but DEFINETLY an adventure]..I went star gazing in the middle of the Arizona strip..I went camping..I lied to get out of work once for the first time ever..I became a big fan of longboarding..I went to many many bonfires..I drove around taking pictures and running through fountains, blasting music just because finals were over..I TOOK FINALS..I rode in the back of an ambulance as a patient..I got to [attempt] to draw blood..I showered in a swimsuit so we could see how many people we could fit into one..I got the most adorable nephew..I watched Kezy learn to walk..I finally hiked Angels Landing..I went to General Conference for the first time in years..I hiked Kanaraville Falls multiple times..I laughed, hard and a LOT..I halfway peed my pants..I spent 4 hours at the pool, then went straight to the lake for another 5..I went sledding..I went to Jazz games..I got to watch a deployment leave..I got closer to Ashlee..I lit stuff on fire..I cuddled on the floor listening to Jack Johnson and Rascal Flatts for hours..I helped P. Mosh get a puppy..I got tannnnnn..I ate my own body weight in teddy grahams..I got a new car..I learned to love and CRAVE change..I made lots of new friends..I found out who my true friends were..I learned how to skim board..I rode in the back of trucks..I went mudding..I went shooting..I discovered I have a huge love for cranberry juice..I went to the Manti Pageant..I went and visited family that I haven't seen in about 3 years..I tried wheat thins and fell in love with them..I went to Colbie Cailat, Tim McGraw, Jason Derulo, BOB, SafetySuit concerts..I got chased on foot by a cop..I was injured while attempting g-forcing..I survived off of Mt. Dew and pizza rolls..I went to Grafton..I learned how to move on..I started to love 'crafty' things..I stayed in touch with the China girls..I went to lots of weddings..I went to a drive in movie..I got my first college "A"..I locked my keys in my car in the middle of a rare St. George rain storm..I ran through puddles..I went to the most stereotypical Idaho town..I went heartattacking..I ran with Brie to the mailbox in the middle of the night because we were so excited that maybe a missionary had written..I went ice skating..I got to spend lots of time with Brittany coming down to stay with me..I kissed in a hot of all, I was happy

I was printing pictures for my room, and realized that it'd be impossible to post all of the highlight pictures I wanted to without making this post insanely long. However, these 2 made me laugh quite a bit. They tie for the "most awkward picture of the year" award. If you only knew the stories here :)

Life is crazy. It's fast and it changes quick and without notice and things happen that you never thought would. One of the biggest changes between 2010 and 2011 for me was that I not only moved back to Provo but into BYU housing. Neither of these things were EVER part of the plan for me, I'm happy that I did it though and I really am just loving life! I'm in a great place!

I heard this quote a while back and it's what started to "turn my year around" back in about March or April. I LOVE it and tried to keep it in mind during hard times of life: Lightening doesn't often strike twice. It's a once in a lifetime thing. even if it feels like the shock is coming over and over again. Eventually, the pain will go away, the shock will wear off. And you start to heal yourself. You recover from something you never saw coming. Sometimes the odds work out in your favor: if you're in just the right place, at just the right time, you really can take a hell of a lot of hit. And you will still have the chance of surviving.

There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. There are things we don't want to know, but have to learn. And people we can't live without, but have to let go.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

fairytale in a twist

Once upon a time, long long ago, there was a girl and a boy that were in a "thing" together. Feelings ran deep for various reasons and they told each other everything. This "thing" carried on for quite some time, despite peoples disagreements with it. On a warm spring night full of sprinklers and stars (contrary to typical cold rain and clouds) their beautiful relationship came to a haulting stop, never to return to what it once was.

In the end, there were many hurt feelings, a lot of anger and even some [pitiful] tears. But there was always SOMETHING about the boy, that just didn't let the girl move on all the way. She felt nothing towards him until seeing him and whenever they talked, she felt a tinge of emotion welling up in her. It frustrated her greatly. (And her sister-who heard all about the odd relationship in detail, over and over again)

The girl took great strides to moving on and did very well in it. Over time, the girl stopped feeling pain whenever she thought of the boy. She healed from his anger and awfulness and found new guys in life. She learned to love herself again. But still something even better had happened.

One day, the girl finally found the last piece in the puzzle to put the boy behind her forever. It was a simple piece really! One that she'd partially recognized before, but mainly overlooked due to past despairs that seemed impossible while in the moment.

The girl saw the boy approaching, and for the first time didn't feel negative towards him. She didn't feel angry. She didn't feel hurt. And she especially didn't feel a "tinge." The boy was confused, didn't understand what had changed and how she was doing so well. The girl was finally able to whole heartedly smile at him and proclaim:

"I realized just how much of a fill in you were. You didn't care about me, and I let myself get way too involved with you. You lied and kept secrets while I poured my heart out. I built you up into something that I wanted you to be, instead of realizing what you were. The last things that had me so tied up by you, smashed today and I realized that I am HAPPY and much better off without you! The whole time we joked about you being a fill in, you actually were. Say my name however you want because it doesn't even phase me anymore"

The boy looked disappointed, guilty and even sad. The girl patted him on the chest once (for dramatic effect) and parted with her signature "Have a good one." With that she walked away, smiling, full of self satisfaction and worth. Happy to finally have closure to such a drawn out heartache.

Now it's too early to tell what happens for the girl. Does she meet the true prince? Does she end up with a stepmother to make more trials for her in life? Does a frog wander over next? Who knows. But the girl learned an important lesson that even when hard things, IMPOSSIBLE THINGS, are thrown her way, she will eventually get over them. Things will always get better and trials will eventually make sense and see the purpose in them.

And that my friends, is reason enough to live happily ever after...

Sunday, January 9, 2011

a look back

Christmas was amazing! Probably one of the best years ever actually. I had originally planned to go back and write about it some, but life has been too busy and I have other stuff to catch up on so just look at the fb pictures. The coolest part? Watching Taylor get to help bless baby Jaxon Jacob.