I had to be to work at 6pm and so naturally at about 4:45 my brain decides that it's time to have a break down. Full. On. Break. Down. So much of a breakdown that I started shaking and threw up 4 times. Delightful no? :) We're understaffed anyways and we have State here this week (anyone in healthcare knows what kind of hell this brings) so I knew there was no way I was getting out of going in. I pulled myself together as much as I could, put my sunglasses on and went in.
Thankfully I hit that point where I was just exhausted and numb to everything. I was numb to getting yelled at over the kitchen messing up a hall tray. I was numb to getting sprayed with water by the shaky man that I had to shower that INSISTED on holding the spicket himself. I was numb to getting my shoe pooped on. I was numb to the man that grabbed my arm insisting that he NEEEEEDED to have another cookie. I was numb to the girl that called in saying she was going to be late. I was so tired that my body was literally numb when I finally got to sit down.
I was working on my charting when I looked up and saw another resident from 4 halls away. Typically this man is supposed to be in a wheelchair but he was walking. This is a problem. Still numb, completly emotionless, and exhausted, I grudingly stood up to walk him allllll the way back to his room so that he wouldn't fall.
This man (who'se name I can't say) wins the MVP. I didn't do one for last week so just pretend that today is Friday.
I know this patient fairly well because I've worked on the other hall a lot. Obviously I can't use his name or use a picture so we will call him Oscar. This picture fits him perfectly because at first appearance he tries to come across tough and all bad-a but he isn't like that at all. As soon as I got to him he looked at me and said "What's up kid? You don't look like yourself tonight." We're pretty close so I gave him a very short version of what was on my mind earlier that day. He gave me a huge hug (which started me tearing up) and proceeded to tell me the most amazing things as we walked down the hall with his arm around me.
Oscar and I have had some good talks before but nothing like tonight. Thank you Heavenly Father because he knew EXACTLY what I needed to hear! I was so annoyed about having to walk allll the way over there but I am so thankful that I did! And I'm thankful that it was late so that nobody saw me emotional, THANK HEAVENS!
I went to Vegas twice last week and it doesn't take a brain surgeon to know that women aren't exactly respected there. That was still partially on my mind. It was so refreshing to talk to Oscar about his view on women and what we mean to him. It was refreshing to be thanked and to feel appreciated for the first time in a long time. (I work "for" a bunch of drama queens that think they're all going to die at any moment so thank you isn't really in their vocabulary). I finally lost it though when he made it personal.
Oscar knows some of the struggles I've had since I've been home. He made me feel better than I've felt in a long time and just so GENUINE about it. He listened to me vent some of it out (ONCE AGAIN), gave me his old man wisdom and another big hug. It was all I needed. I left his room, ducked in a neighboring empty one to pull myself together, then went back to my hall, clocked out and sat in my car thinking for a while and feeling really good about things working out.
Thanks Grandpa Oscar! :) That meant more to me than what you know. Please feel free to walk down my hall without your wheelchair at any time :)
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