epiphany!

Today was a gorgeous day! Perfect spring time weather. I went and laid out but something came up while I was out there that put me in a not so good mood. I had a feeling that I already knew exactly where I needed to go but I was trying to fight it so I drove around for a little while first, blasting my "angry music" to keep all emotions away from me. Everytime a cute or slow song came on I was quick to switch it back over to Daughtry, All American Rejects or The Veronicas until I suddenly found myself clear out past Washington Fields. I finally cracked and went....

...to THIS gorgeous place! Why was I fighting it? Because I knew as soon as I walked into the grounds my anger would melt and suddenly I'd be forced to face the issues. Yeah don't worry I was quickly crying too which was another reason to steer clear. Feel free to say I told ya so..

Yes I'm a creeper and was spying on this couple. Yes they were the ones that started the water works

I know this probably doesn't make any sense to most people but the person it's "for" knows exactly what I'm talking about. And yes you're right...whether for good or for bad this has changed everything!

I'd forgotten

4 months and 3 days ago, I came home from an adventure of a lifetime....living in CHINA for 4 months. As I started to get ready to move back into an apartment, I bought a big picture frame and decided to collage some of my favorite pictures from the trip. However, life of course happened and I got busy and procrastinated it away. Being home today I decided that it was finally time to finish up this project. I was NOT planning on the flood of memories that came along with it.....

I'd forgotten how excited I was to get my acceptance and city assignment letter. I'd forgotten how for 4 months before I left it didn't even phase me that I was really going. I'd forgotten how my stomach DROPPPED coming off the freeway and seeing the planes taking off and suddenly thinking "What the hell am I doing?!". I'd forgotten how I almost cried saying bye to my family, but proud of myself that I didn't. I'd forgotten how scared we all were driving through a town with more poverty on one corner than we'd seen in all our lives. I'd forgotten what it was like to close my door that first night and feel more alone than I ever had before.

I'd forgotten what it was like when we got 30 minutes of internet access and how hard it was to get off. I'd forgotten how I teared up the first time we met Bobby because of how much he reminded me of my own little brother and how far away he was. I'd forgotten what it was like to climb over 400 stairs, 4 times a day on a daily basis. I'd forgotten what it was like to eat food that you saw ALIVE only minutes ago. I'd forgotten how I cried to hear my friends voice over skype for the first time in 3 months.
I'd forgotten how it felt to walk into a room and suddenly feel like a celebrity. I'd forgotten how taxi's hated us sometimes and refused to pick us up. I'd forgotten about the shoppe that saled the best creme puffs you'll ever have. I'd forgotten what it was like to get to be in charge of a whole group of kids and get to pick out their names. I'd forgotten what it was like to have certain shower times if you wanted to get hot water.
I'd forgotten how Pandas mom always motioned how skinny I was and gave me 3 cakes instead of 1. I'd forgotten our all night movie marathons. I'd forgotten our obsession with Grey's Anatomy and One Tree Hill. I'd forgotten how giddy I was to be walking through the streets of China and singing Mulan songs. I'd forgotten how much I loved being called "Teacha". I'd forgotten the villages we saw while scootering in Yanghuo and how humble and blessed I suddenly felt.
I'd forgotten how it felt to pack a whole weekend worth of things on your back while hiking up a mountain with over 7,000 steps. I'd forgotten how trusting I was to put total faith in complete strangers and never knowing what they were saying. I'd forgotten doing the Hannah Montana hoe-down in the subway, at olympic sites, on the bus, in the careteria and pretty much anywhere else we went.
I'd forgotten how we could do anything we wanted without any liability forms and loving how lax the Chinese are. I'd forgotten how a word wasn't a word without -er added onto the end of it. I'd forgotten laughing so hard I thought I'd pee my pants when Jack showed up after 2 am for 3 nights in a row. I'd forgotten how well they all held their alcohal. I'd forgotten about "the misunderstanding." I'd forgotten how the school was going to build a wall to divide up the 5th floor hallway.
I'd forgotten how it felt to ride on a train for 48 hours straight. I'd forgotten how proud of myself I was for learning to pee, standing up, on a train that sometimes felt out of control. I'd forgotten how people would just gawk and observe us no matter where we went. I'd forgotten that sometimes people would get brave and come up and try to practice their english with us. I'd forgotten after our Thanksgiving dinner being soooo overwhelmed with everything I was blessed with in my life.
I'd forgotten how the kids were always sweaty and smelled like pee. I'd also forgotten how hugs and kisses from these smelly little creatures could fix anything and make my whole day!
I'd forgotten how excited we got for "CHICKEN DAY." I'd forgotten how Kellie learned about hickies and thought all American girls were trashy. I'd forgotten about OB 1 and OB 2 and all that that implies. I'd forgotten about days where we'd hop on random buses and see where we ended up. I'd forgotten about how only 4 of us would watch "Taken" while still in a foreign country. I'd forgotten how I wanted to slit my wrists after singing Hokey Pokey for the 3 millionth time. I'd forgotten how I have never seen it rain so hard in my life!
I'd forgotten how nervous I was to have my birthday, Halloween and Thanksgiving over there. I'd forgotten how every one of those was the best Halloween, birthday and Thanksgiving that I'd ever had! I'd forgotten how close I felt to everybody as we sang "since You've Been Gone" at the top of our lungs at the Halloween dance.
I'd forgotten how the whole time we were on the wall I couldn't stop smiling and just kept saying "We're on the GREAT WALL OF CHINA!" I'd forgotten being strapped to Rachel and zip-lining OFF the wall, over a river and feeling totally carefree. I'd forgotten how excited we got to find a McDonalds. I'd forgotten how life back in America was always refered to as real life. I'd forgotten running down the hall and talking late at night. I'd forgotten dance parties on the roof.
I'd forgotten how the kids had NOTHING and how grateful they were for anything that we gave them. I'd forgotten doing morning excercises and how 30 kids would chase you across the field before the Chinese teachers came out swinging at them. I'd forgotten how Sam felt that he needed to be 100% naked to give Ruth the most personal hug she's ever gotten. I'd forgotten how we used "crazy" and "slutty" to distinguish between the 2 Emma's.
I'd forgotten our countless trips up to the roof to talk while we watched the most amazing sunsets. I'd forgotten how Allie and I would dance around our room, BELTING out "It's America" and "Only in America" and having a whole new understanding of them. I'd forgotten how much fun it was to go and tuck them in at night. I'd forgotten how we thought the Korean boys were hot. I'd forgotten the floaty drinks and how we could chug them in minutes. I'd forgotten how tokens would pop up everywhere. I'd forgotten how getting packages was better than Christmas day. I'd forgotten how much I learned about myself. I'd forgotten how I figured out my priorities in life. I'd forgotten how I met the greatest people and had SOOOO much fun with them! I'd forgotten how I felt the spirit the strongest I've ever felt in my life while listening to Elder Oaks speak in Beijing. I'd forgotten how quickly I started crying when we gathered and sang "God Be With You Til We Meet Again" before we loaded up the buses and headed for America. I'd forgotten how hard it was to say goodbye. I'd forgotten the awful feeling of knowing that I would NEVER see these people again.



Yeah you could say today is one of those days where I really just miss it. Greatest time of my life

Looking for the fairytale?

Dear Boys...

All over the world tonight there are countless little girls being told stories and tucked into bed. Some of the stories are about dragons. Some are about witches and villians. Some are about unicorns. Some are about sports stars. Some may be about wicked step mothers and evil step sisters. Some are about fairy god mothers. Some may even be about princesses. But no matter what story they're being told, they all have 1 thing in common: the ending. "Then she married the prince and they all lived happily ever after."

We're told this from a very young age and continue to hear it throughout our whole childhood so it's no wonder that most of us girls have this engraved into our minds by the time that we decide boys no longer have cooties. That's really all we want in life is to find our prince and live happily ever after like the girls from our bedtime stories. We look at our moms and older sisters and aunts and cousins and neighbors and teachers and friends-sisters and see how happy they are with their princes and this desire grows even stronger in us. We see that maybe princes really DO exist and that it's possible to find that 1 person that you love soooo much and live happily ever after with.

The first time I had a boy be mean to me, I was devastated! This is NOT how the guys in my stories acted and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. Knowing me, I probably even cried a little. Maybe even a lot. But then my teacher passed along a great piece of knowledge to me that I would never forget: "He's only mean to you because he likes you. That's just how he shows you."

I was still confused but I figured that she knew better and that some day I would figure out what she meant. Little did I know then that I would not only believe this for many years to come but also use this as an excuse in my head to let you all off easily for the wrong things that you did. Within the last couple years I have finally broke down this excuse and realized that none of the princes in my stores were like that.

We (girls) are very simple actually! You may have never realized this, but it's the SMALL gestures that you do that have the greater impact and have us gushing to our friends. If you like us, tell us. Hold the door open for us occasionally. Walk on the outer end of the sidewalk that's closer to the street. If we're sick, rub our backs. When you say you're going to call, call. Give me a kiss on the forehead. Hold my hand under the blanket. Let me in sometimes. Don't play games. Don't try and be sneaky and be talking to our friends at the same time. We're girls! We talk and I guarantee you that you will get caught! Don't talk to your friends about every time we "hookup", keep that just between us. If WE hurt YOU, don't use that as an excuse to deliberatly hurt us to get back at us. Ask us how our day went. Drop by just to say hi. Talk to our roommates and friends but don't flirt with them,there's a distinctive difference! Nevvvver make us cry.

I know that you're a guy and for whatever reason, it's hard for you to think of things like this. But don't worry! We understand that so I promise that any small effort at all is greatly appreciated and definetly noted :) Clean up your acts please because we're all kinda sick of our knights in shining armor turning out to be losers in aluminum foil.

Sincerely,
Damsels in Distress

MVP's

Sooo...it's safe to say that I have definetly gotten way behind on my whole weekly "MVP" thing. BUT they were a success! I've noticed a difference in the way that I was seeing people and what I thought of them so it was a good little experiement. Even though I'm not really doing it anymore, there are a few people that I really need to give some shout outs to that have helped me a lot lately.

#1- Medical coordinator at work. Did you know that they have tissues with vicks vapor rub made right into them?! Yeah, neither did I! However, after being at work at 6 am to work the morning shift and sick out of my mind, it was a huge comfort to have her show up and give me free reign to her beautiful box of tissues that FINALLY let me breathe! Even though I was way close to finally getting to go home, it changed my whole day.

#2-Random girl in front of me at church that I have never seen before. I haven't been to my ward for a little while but Sunday I made the effort to go. I was late. And then in the middle of the Sacrament I had to get up and go out in the hall to continue coughing my lungs up. When I had to walk down the asile YET AGAIN to go back in, I was a little bit embarrased and felt more like a walk of shame even though nobody probably even noticed. I sit down and start to feel like I have to cough AGAIN! Seriously? This has been going on for like 2 weeks now, it's time to end. I'm starting to plan out my escape route and tell my roommate bye when this girl turns around and hands me stuff to suck on to help. And just a funny smile like "Yeah I know how that goes!" Thanks for saving me my walk of shame once again.

#3-Tinkie Winkie. Tink. Fairygirl. Shortfry. Fun-size. Hillary. I don't even know where to start about this girl! I met her last spring semester and she quickly became one of my very close friends. At this point she's one of the few people I trust completly and tell everything to. Sorry about that Tink! I know you probably get sick of hearing all of the stories and rantings and school crap and family stuff and crazy days at work, but know that I honestly really do appreciate it and it means the world to me. She is never judgmental, one of the nicest people I know, hilarious sense of humor, cute sense of fashion, family and friend oriented and all around good person that is an incredible example to me. Truth be told I miss ya...and that my dear is no lie! I love you!

Country Boys

Imagine a dirt road full of pot holes

With a creek bank and some cane poles

Catching channel cat

I'm a little more country than that

Picture a small town with an old hound

Laying out front of the courthouse

While the old men chew the fat

I'm a little more country than that

I just want to make sure you know just who you're getting under this old hat

Cause girl I'm not the kind to two time or play games behind your back

I'm a little more country than that

Think of a hank song from days gone

With a steel ride that's so strong

It sends chills up your back

I'm a little more country than that

I just want to make sure you know just who you're getting under this old hat

Cause girl I'm not the kind to two time or play games behind your back

I'm a little more country than that

Yeah, I'm sure you've heard those three words from others

But they fell flat

But this ring ain't some thing that I mean to give you

And then take back

I'm a little more country than that

My whole life I've grown up listening to country music and I LOOOVE it! I lived in Helper for the majority of my life and my grandparents on both sides are from North Sanpete so I'd say I'm definetly a country girl at heart. These 2 things paired together have made me a sucker for country boys! Small town, farmers, ranchers, good guys that will play the guiltar and sing to me at night? YES! For whatever reason I find that so attractive!

This is currently my favorite song that essentially sums all of this up. Especially if you see the music video. All of these guys have amazing songs though about exactly the kind of country guy I would love to fall head over heels for and live happily ever after with :) Yes pleasssssse!

"I'm sorry...read that again!"

Tuesday April 6, 2010
Leaving Institute to go take spanish test
Phone vibrates and open to find 3 new messages

"sorry i had to leve early! i had other buisness. im glad you were mature enugh to sit by me :) i commend you for going to class and working on fixing yor ways. i hope the best for you but I need a woman with standards that knows when shes wrong and doesnt fall into the same sins time and time again. i hope you find a man on your own level that will be okay with your faults. but again, good to sea you!"

Time flies when you're....growing up?

2 years ago, I was in my senior year of high school. I had a whole mix of feelings about everything that was going on in my life! I was 2 days away from leaving for HAWAII, the trip of a lifetime that I had wanted to take for years! My first trip with absoulutly no parents involved, my last "fling" of high school, and getting to see my best friends that I hadn't seen in such a long time. At the same time, I was finding my senior ball dress, figuring out where to go to college, trying to finalize ALLL senior ball plans since I was in charge, and make sure that I was actually going to get to graduate! Overall life was great, but I felt like things were crazy. I loved it!


Little did I know that 2 years later I'd be on a 3 hour drive with a friend talking about "life after high school" and how life has changed so much in the not even 2 years since I've graduated. If the me NOW could sit down and talk with the me THEN, it'd be an extrememly interesting conversation! I had no idea how hard it would be to move to St. George by myself and start completly over in life. I had no idea what kind of "earth shattering" family stuff would happen the night before I left, and what a lasting effect it would have on me even over a year later. I would have laughed to hear that I'd get proposed to only 2 months after moving here. I'd be shocked to think that my dad would get put in as bishop AGAIN. I'd be skeptical that I think of Ashlee as one of my best friends.I'd be ecstatic to get a neice finally! If I said that I'd not only go to China, but go BY MYSELF and live there for 4 months, I never would have believed it. However, I wouldn't be surprised at all to hear how hard I cried when my best friend got married. I'd be happy and laugh to hear that Brittany and I just flat out tell people we're twins now. I'd be speechless to hear that my brother in law would soon be deployed to Iraq. I'd be scared to have a breakdown so bad that I throw up 4 times from crying to hard. I'd be shocked to hear that I have a huge falling out with 2 of my best friends, but forever thankful that things got cleared up with both of them. I'd be embarrased to see how sad I was to have "my boys" all leave on missions and all the screaming and excitement as "my girls" slowly start to get engaged. I probably wouldn't be toooo surprised that I'm on academic probation.


We came to the general conclusion that life changes FASSST! As a senior, I had a general plan for how life would go, but at the same time I really had no idea. I was most heartbroken to see things slowly start to change with my high school friends that for 4 years meant EVERYTHING to me, but at the same time, I've met incredible people in college that have also come to mean a lot to me. I've been screwed over, betrayed and backstabbed. I've been happier than I ever thought that I could be! I've been lonely and alone. I've been busy and overscheduled.


I have had some AMAZING experiences! Yes, the real world proved to be a little bit more cruel that I thought it was. (Feel free to say I told ya so...) But it also turned out to be pretty great too! I've learned soooo much in such a short amount of time. I had a little bit of a hard time getting over high school because for me high school was associated with times that were "easier," more secure in family things, and I knew exactly who I was, defined by what I did and who I was friends with. When I graduated, all of that fell away and I was left with just me... which scared me. I immediatly set off to "find myself" and THAT is when I actually lost myself.


I already knew that I had great friends that would be there for me no matter what. I knew that I had a supportive family that had stood behind me through everything so far, so why not now? I forgot for awhile, but finally remembered that the Church is important and had never failed me and probably never would. I knew that "life went on" when I moved to Provo and that life would continue to move on as I started over again in St. George. Life has a way of NEVER working out for the way that I plan it, and for as hard of a time as I have been having post high school and especially "post China", I wouldn't change any of it! I have hard times that's for SURE, but I've had a blast and learned about myself and others and just life in general. I'm in a really good place right now and working really hard on fixing things and becoming better.

It makes me curious where I'll be in another year as my boys start coming home, more friends get married, school decisions have to be made, Taylor graduates and a possible mission, my GIRLS could start going on missions and some could even start popping out little babes. Like I said...things happen fast! So take too many pictures, laugh a little loud and live up every possible moment that you can because you never know when it'll end and something else with start

Nicoley Sue

I don't think I ever had more of a love/hate relationship with somebody more than I have with Nicole Erin Wait. I freakin LOVE this girl to death! Once again I'm late, but HAPPY FREAKIN BIRTHDAY my dear! Love ya lots! These are some of dear Nicoley's qualities...

Nicole is very patient. 90% of the time, we're all late to our "lunch dates" but she just sits and waits for our table and doesn't give us too much crap when we finally show up.

She's an extremely moral person. Her eyes (used to be) extremely pure and has great values.

She's a great driver! If we're stuck in traffic for over 3 hours, she will stratigically park her car so that people will have to drive off road on the mountain to get around us. This is the closest that she will ever come to drinking :) She has such high values and standards

She's got a GREAT sense of humor and always put up with our jokes about her failing in CNA class

She doesn't care when I do embarrasing things like trying to try my hair by sticking my head out the window

She's a great performer when we decide to give random concerts in the back of Madi's car

The fact that she took the CNA test.....better late than never ;)

She has a great taste in food!

She knows how to say things without hurting people's feelings "I think you may be driving on the wrong side of the median..."

She always seems to be in jeans when we're in shorts, and in shorts when we're in jeans. But she looks great all the same

She has a great taste in music and is always so excited when we let her ride up in the front with us

She's always down for taking pictures, even for no reason at all

"Okay sweet guys I'll just STAY HOME!"

The night that we were playing super mario and she was convinced nobody could beat her, and yet it was HER that didn't win a single game

"Hey look let's go sit on that rock!"

"Wow....WOOOOOW!" hahaha enough said

She is a b-e-a-utiful girl!

....and did I mention cheerful?

"I LOOOOVE this song!" She has great taste in music

She's a trooper and always has my back! Even for things like coming to Haunted Forest when she didn't want to to help me out of an awkward moment :)

"Let's keep a tally of how many texts I get on this whole trip." "Nicole we aren't gonna need a tally, all we need is a hand!"

She was my "time makeup" buddy at MATC. Seriously I would not have gotten through that class without her! SUUUCH a hilarious time every single day! When we went that is....

I feel like it's impossible to have a single conversation with her when I don't start laughing at some point

"Cmere!" The signature Nicole phrase

Like I said before, we had a LOT of ups and downs when we were first becoming friends but we have definetly come a long way. She's been there for me whenever I needed her and we've had so many laughs along the way! You're a great person Nicky dear and I hope you have a great year!

Christina Satu Izatt...

Soooo... this is a little late but Christina Satu Izatt turned 20 this last Tuesday! WOOHOO! Here's some of the things that I think of when I think of this girl....

I think of seeing you at Jon's farewell and how you left really fast at the end?...
....then we saw you 30 minutes later at KIRK's and you had totally showered and gotten re-ready!
I think of our countless trips to Macaroni Grill
I think of the first night we hung out so randomly and how we found this great picture taking spot
I think of giving these boys hell
I think of when we found out we had 40 freshman visits to do! Little did we know we'd get lost in SPANISH FORK and see a man riding a lawn mower to walk his dog
I think of how pissed Mike got that you let me drive your car instead of him
I think of giving dear ol' Ben hell! From toileting papering the inside of his house, to mean texts, to kicking the sensor on his garage door closer, to forking his back yard.
I think of when you hit the tree outside Mike's house!
I think of how we're twin lurps and how funny you thought it was that I drove with my arm out my window the way that I did...
I think of Med Tech..and all that that implies! hahaha
I think of the sweetest balloon bouquet ever when I turned 18!
I think of Ben being a party killer of our fire up the canyon
I think of sports games...state football to be exact!
I think of you and Jess stalking me and Kahea
I think of birthday dinners and making Jess mad with all the pictures we take
I think of elections assembly :) And the CRAZZZZZY year of Stu Gov to follow
I think of how we thought it was a good idea to jump on the tramp after PROM and I ended up ripping my dress
I think of the photoshoot us 3 had for 20 minutes after we finished dinner
I think of the New Year's Eve where we went with the boys and CJ ended up giving me a bloody nose
I think of California and how hilarious it was when you had to copy me in curses, the wind almost blowing the car over going to Cheesecake Factory and of COURSE..."We are sooo thankful we were able to take this trip with our best friends!" ( I will never forget how hilarious that was! hahaha)
I think of when I found out that it was ME that read names at graduation and you made me practice saying yours because "It's pretty if you say it right, but you're just saying it awkward!"
I think of how we tried to freeze 1800 otter pops in only 3 hours
I think of how hilarious DC was
I think of how we slept on the floor of the metro station our first night in DC

Seriously there is so much more! I think of how you had never had mac and cheese and you pulled the butter out as soon as I looked away. I think of F words in the student parking lot. I think of our drives. I think of us venting about how crazy our parents were. I think of all the stories we've had about stupid boys. I think of "the breakdown" before the missionaries started to leave. Mostly though I think about how we have DEFINETYL had our rough patches and hard times and how I'm extremely grateful that you're not only still in my life, but one of my best friends! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Welcome to the 20 club! :)

Love yaaaaa!