Sunday, February 27, 2011

has it really been a year?!

One year ago today, was a very significant weekend for me. For many reasons actually. This weekend last year, was a weekend I spent much of the rest of the year trying to get over. (Or at least a good 6 months to follow)

One year ago yesterday, was the Justin Young and Colbie concert. One word: A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. The Logan girls were all coming down, having dinner at Roadhouse, the concert and wrap it up with scary movies and sleepover at Er's. The week before the concert actually cracks me up now that I'm in a position to look back on it. Leave it to me to always get sick when big things are coming up. Trips, tests, concerts...you name it!

The night before the concert I went over to see Er and Brett when I got off work cause we were waiting for Hil, Andy, Megan and Kay to get there from Logan. I was already sooooo sick. And quite frankly pretty out of it. I took a double dose of dayquil from Brett and a dose of nyquil from Ericka. Then I realized that I'd left my sleepover stuff at my apartment so I left to go get it. The next thing that I remember is waking up in the middle of my floor in the middle of the night, panicing that my legs had been cut off and my phone laying next to me going crazy. Turns out I had made it home but sat in a cross legged position for some reason, then somehow passed out in some kind of haunched forward position. Extrememly painful on my back and my legs were 100% numb...hence the fear of them being cut off.

Jesse was also a significant part of Colbie week. I'd met dear Ol' Jess just 2 weeks before, he sat by me in my institute class every time that I went. Every, Time. Like even if he was already sitting down, he'd move on over. 1 week to concert time and he asked me if I'd like to date him. Not to go on a date with him, just date him. There's a difference. (And you should probably know that he is one of the most intense people I've ever met.) He mentioned one day that he was working security for the concert and that he could get a date backstage to meet her after. Yes I was super shallow and suddenly gave him more attention than I had before that conversation. SUPER long story short: he totally got me back stage after which was freakin amazzzzzing! And as you can see from the picture above: we totally matched and she was adorable and incredibly nice! More on Jesse later...you won't blame me for using him shamelessly.
We were on the second row which is the closest that I've ever been at a concert. I loved every single minute of it! We'd yell out random things and they could actually hear us and have little conversations with us while they're up on stage. Seriously, amazing. And if you've never checked out Justin Young before, you need to do so! This is the whole group with her stage manager Andy that she got to sing...he's bomb! Sounds a lot like Bob Marley! A lot of us all got high fives from her after the show too.

The actual day of the concert, I was still sick but adrenaline had pretty much taken over at that point. I had hardly any feeling in the left side of my face and my nose and eyes were watering like I didn't think was humanly possible but there was no way I was going to miss it. So I took triple the normal dose of dayquil, 2 pills of an old prescription, and a whole box of tissues in my purse and was ready to go!
She sang all of my favorite songs :) I was panicked at first that she wasn't going to sing Bubbly (which will always be #1 in my mind) but good ol Jess blew the secret that it was the encore song so I did end up getting to hear it. After the show we went to Ericka's and watched "Stepfather" with a bunch of beds all over her front room. Hil and I do NOT do scary movies but of course it was a blast! Loved every minute of that day!
One year ago tonight I was watching a pirated version of "Avatar" with 2 of my best friends, 1 of which gave me the best surprise I'd had in a long time. I had no idea just how many surprises were coming that weekend though! Sometimes when I think about it (or seem them on campus allllll the time), it can still get to me and make me sad. They were my go to guys and my best friends. If either of them were to ever read this, I would definetly want them to know I still miss them randomly. I still go to text them. Like I said, it took me months to move on and "get over" everything. I heard a song tonight that made me think of how much those boys meant to me. But because of that experience I learned a LOT, went through a lot of needed change, was better prepared for stuff I'm going through now, grew up, and ended up gaining a lot of different (better) friends because of it. So for now I guess that I'll just keep "thanking God for unanswered prayers."
On a happier note and last but not least....1 year ago this afternoon was the first time that any kind of coloring product had touched my hair. :) Once again though, grateful Brie talked me into it cause now I'm officially an addict.
HAPPY SUNDAY/MONDAY!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

It's 2:44am and I'm still awake. Honestly, nothing too out of the normal. I'm always up late. The difference tonight is that I can't sleep. Very bizarre. I have been known to sleep through anything and everything.

..new boys..
new roommates
..big potential changes..
new plans
..a list of goals..
dreams of summer
..upcoming adventures..
My stomach and head have that crazy, butterfly, going crazy
feeling for multiple reasons. Those of you who know
what I'm talking about know that it isn't good.
Pray for me :)

Sunday, February 6, 2011

happiness

"You only live once. But if you do it right, once is enough"



1. Just knowing that "my chevron" in Brigham City is getting closer, makes me instantly have to pee

2. Law and Order Marathons on Tuesday nights are delightful. But the next night when I'm working by myself and there's a fugitive on the loose..I regret watching them.

3. "Channy we can NOT stay up until 5 again this time! We can't!"

4. Something about dark, late nights with empty roads and loud music makes me feel like I'm a racecar driver.

5. Something about sunny, bright days with sunglasses and loud music makes me feel like I'm a racecar driver.

6. Andy said we parked far away, and even though we were hauling through the snow, we were laughing so hard that I swear we only walked for 2 minutes.

7. Friday I got free parking for over 4 hours because the machine was down

8. Catching up with Lauren White for the first time since December of 09 and seeing her for the first time since August

9. Spring Break is coming up...and I am DEFINETLY going somewhere! I don't know where, but somewhere.

10. There's a cute boy that walks me out to my car and gives me a big hug everytime I leave his apartment.

11. I like my roommates. And get excited when they're home.

12. I still get to go swimming and it's February

13. Hil told me at the game that my fist pump was GOOD. Definetly an improvement

14. There is no school on the 21st and once again...roadtrippin

15. Waking up to texts from people you don't expect them from

16. I did 8 hours in my photo lab last week and I stilllll didn't want to leave when we left at 10 pm
17. I text Hil at 8:15, she called at 8:30. By 1040, we were dancing it up at a party in Logan
18. I have made friends with 3 boys in my math class that crack me up on the daily. The one that sits right next to me will constantly slowly roll his head toward me with an expression that I feel the exact same about.
19. It was sunny today! So sunny that I took a drive up to Sundance and walked around taking a roll of pictures. I didn't wear a jacket and I even sat and had some hot chocolate watching people come down to go back up the lift. Wearing my all too cool shades :)
20. Troy taught me how to dive tonight. I belly-flopped on my first attempt. HARD. But after that...I think I got pretty good. Now I just need to figure out how to keep my bottoms on.
21. Jaxon throws up EVERY time I hold him! I still love "my wittle wuve" though. And I had him smiling and laughing today.
22. Big hugs from my dad
23. Laughing superrrr hard to the texts you wake up to in the morning that you know people aren't going to understand
24. I bought seven new songs on itunes that are already past 10 on the play count
25. James and I finally hung out tonight after weeks of the "let's do something sometime." I'm pretty sure he loves my roommates and they him
26. My history teacher is hilarious. He constantly says things like "You ride a motocyle?! Did you start on the motorcycle or a pedal bike? Since you started on the pedal bike but don't use it anymore, would you consider it a failure? HELL NO YOU WOULDN'T!" He uses drinking and sex references in 90 percent of our lectures and he is pure cowboyyyyyy
27. Clayton's mom finally "likes" me. And even gave me one of her valentine cookies :) And sat there joking with me in the kitchen for a little bit
28. I am constantly reminded how blessed I am to have the amazing friends that I do! And especially for Hil and Andy..always being there in the worst of my times. I can tell them anything without being judged, they know when I need to have them just listen, and we always have a blast. Even if we're killing time on the couch, watching Glee all Saturday afternoon. And let's face it...running away to them ;)
29. Ashlee called me "Chan" a couple times today and for the first time in a LONG time, we seem to be friends. I love it.
30. One of my favorite missionaries is FINALLY home from Peru! And my new favorite missionary is doing great and loving the MTC!
live. laugh. love. always.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

When you haven't seen somebody in over 2 years, one more week really shouldn't make much of a difference right?...




...wrong!
Hurry home my friend! :)

Friday, January 21, 2011

How do you measure a year?

I had a really bad dream last night. You'll laugh, but it really was terrifying when I woke up! I had meant to do that classic [slightly cliche] "lookback" for 2010 and with my California trip and then diving into school and moving, I never did. We talked about some scary stuff and how the world is getting to be pretty bad last night at work. In return, I had a dream that a man broke into my house and was beating me up. He continued to beat me until I took him through my year month by month. CRAZY? yes! But SCARY nonetheless.

So...2010, what a year! For awhile, whenever I thought back to it, I had a lot of negative flood back to me. It was a tough year. There were lots of hard things. There were lots of changes. I got depressed, twice. I lost some people that I considered to be best friends. I had to grow up. I had fights and hurt feelings and bitterness and anger. I had a lot of 'what ifs' and questions about the future and relected back to easier times. I can't even tell you how many WEEKS I fell asleep with my ipod on repeat to "Movin' On."

But I had an unmeasureable amount of GOOD! I met colbie Cailat..I colored my hair for the first time..I stayed up all night kissing..I had sleepovers..I went to a new part of California I hadn't been to before..I took multiple trips to Vegas..I turned 21..I pet a sting ray..I went streaking on a golfcourse..I got the cutest kiss of all time.. I became good friends with people I worked with..I went cliff jumping..I went to San Diego..I celebrated New Years in the middle of the Vegas strip..I went golfing for the first time..I watched a close friend go through rehab and follow through with working to change his life..I got to watch Taylor walk at graduation..I tried sushi for the first time..I took a last minute, overnight trip to Mesquite..I laid out in the middle of January..I snuck into SandHollow in the middle of the night [not super hard but DEFINETLY an adventure]..I went star gazing in the middle of the Arizona strip..I went camping..I lied to get out of work once for the first time ever..I became a big fan of longboarding..I went to many many bonfires..I drove around taking pictures and running through fountains, blasting music just because finals were over..I TOOK FINALS..I rode in the back of an ambulance as a patient..I got to [attempt] to draw blood..I showered in a swimsuit so we could see how many people we could fit into one..I got the most adorable nephew..I watched Kezy learn to walk..I finally hiked Angels Landing..I went to General Conference for the first time in years..I hiked Kanaraville Falls multiple times..I laughed, hard and a LOT..I halfway peed my pants..I spent 4 hours at the pool, then went straight to the lake for another 5..I went sledding..I went to Jazz games..I got to watch a deployment leave..I got closer to Ashlee..I lit stuff on fire..I cuddled on the floor listening to Jack Johnson and Rascal Flatts for hours..I helped P. Mosh get a puppy..I got tannnnnn..I ate my own body weight in teddy grahams..I got a new car..I learned to love and CRAVE change..I made lots of new friends..I found out who my true friends were..I learned how to skim board..I rode in the back of trucks..I went mudding..I went shooting..I discovered I have a huge love for cranberry juice..I went to the Manti Pageant..I went and visited family that I haven't seen in about 3 years..I tried wheat thins and fell in love with them..I went to Colbie Cailat, Tim McGraw, Jason Derulo, BOB, SafetySuit concerts..I got chased on foot by a cop..I was injured while attempting g-forcing..I survived off of Mt. Dew and pizza rolls..I went to Grafton..I learned how to move on..I started to love 'crafty' things..I stayed in touch with the China girls..I went to lots of weddings..I went to a drive in movie..I got my first college "A"..I locked my keys in my car in the middle of a rare St. George rain storm..I ran through puddles..I went to the most stereotypical Idaho town..I went heartattacking..I ran with Brie to the mailbox in the middle of the night because we were so excited that maybe a missionary had written..I went ice skating..I got to spend lots of time with Brittany coming down to stay with me..I kissed in a hot tub..best of all, I was happy

I was printing pictures for my room, and realized that it'd be impossible to post all of the highlight pictures I wanted to without making this post insanely long. However, these 2 made me laugh quite a bit. They tie for the "most awkward picture of the year" award. If you only knew the stories here :)


Life is crazy. It's fast and it changes quick and without notice and things happen that you never thought would. One of the biggest changes between 2010 and 2011 for me was that I not only moved back to Provo but into BYU housing. Neither of these things were EVER part of the plan for me, I'm happy that I did it though and I really am just loving life! I'm in a great place!

I heard this quote a while back and it's what started to "turn my year around" back in about March or April. I LOVE it and tried to keep it in mind during hard times of life: Lightening doesn't often strike twice. It's a once in a lifetime thing. even if it feels like the shock is coming over and over again. Eventually, the pain will go away, the shock will wear off. And you start to heal yourself. You recover from something you never saw coming. Sometimes the odds work out in your favor: if you're in just the right place, at just the right time, you really can take a hell of a lot of hit. And you will still have the chance of surviving.

There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. There are things we don't want to know, but have to learn. And people we can't live without, but have to let go.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

fairytale in a twist

Once upon a time, long long ago, there was a girl and a boy that were in a "thing" together. Feelings ran deep for various reasons and they told each other everything. This "thing" carried on for quite some time, despite peoples disagreements with it. On a warm spring night full of sprinklers and stars (contrary to typical cold rain and clouds) their beautiful relationship came to a haulting stop, never to return to what it once was.

In the end, there were many hurt feelings, a lot of anger and even some [pitiful] tears. But there was always SOMETHING about the boy, that just didn't let the girl move on all the way. She felt nothing towards him until seeing him and whenever they talked, she felt a tinge of emotion welling up in her. It frustrated her greatly. (And her sister-who heard all about the odd relationship in detail, over and over again)

The girl took great strides to moving on and did very well in it. Over time, the girl stopped feeling pain whenever she thought of the boy. She healed from his anger and awfulness and found new guys in life. She learned to love herself again. But still something even better had happened.

One day, the girl finally found the last piece in the puzzle to put the boy behind her forever. It was a simple piece really! One that she'd partially recognized before, but mainly overlooked due to past despairs that seemed impossible while in the moment.

The girl saw the boy approaching, and for the first time didn't feel negative towards him. She didn't feel angry. She didn't feel hurt. And she especially didn't feel a "tinge." The boy was confused, didn't understand what had changed and how she was doing so well. The girl was finally able to whole heartedly smile at him and proclaim:

"I realized just how much of a fill in you were. You didn't care about me, and I let myself get way too involved with you. You lied and kept secrets while I poured my heart out. I built you up into something that I wanted you to be, instead of realizing what you were. The last things that had me so tied up by you, smashed today and I realized that I am HAPPY and much better off without you! The whole time we joked about you being a fill in, you actually were. Say my name however you want because it doesn't even phase me anymore"

The boy looked disappointed, guilty and even sad. The girl patted him on the chest once (for dramatic effect) and parted with her signature "Have a good one." With that she walked away, smiling, full of self satisfaction and worth. Happy to finally have closure to such a drawn out heartache.

Now it's too early to tell what happens for the girl. Does she meet the true prince? Does she end up with a stepmother to make more trials for her in life? Does a frog wander over next? Who knows. But the girl learned an important lesson that even when hard things, IMPOSSIBLE THINGS, are thrown her way, she will eventually get over them. Things will always get better and trials will eventually make sense and see the purpose in them.

And that my friends, is reason enough to live happily ever after...

Sunday, January 9, 2011

a look back

Christmas was amazing! Probably one of the best years ever actually. I had originally planned to go back and write about it some, but life has been too busy and I have other stuff to catch up on so just look at the fb pictures. The coolest part? Watching Taylor get to help bless baby Jaxon Jacob.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

In light of the new year

"Hasn't it been long enough yet that you can just forgive and forget?"

You know what, I think it has been. So, I'm going to forgive myself for being so stupid and forget that you ever existed.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

A post that became a novel...

Many many miles away, there is a place that is known for it's 2 kinds of weather: absoulutely perfect and nearly unheard of. Once upon a time, there were 5 really good friends that lived there. They are The Dixie Chicks. All of these friends, had a very significant Fall 2010 because all of the Dixie chicks turned 21! Even though things have changed a lot and we've all kinda spread out some now, I love each of them! We have had some rare nights of fighting, a few that were crying, some that were blah, some that were great, but a LOT of fun and laughing: maverick runs, lake days, hiking zions, driving around mad, heart attacking, roadtrips to Idaho, roadtrips to California, photoshoots in fields, end of finals celebrations, crazy driving, scaring little kids at the fountains, Vegas trips, lotsssss of eating out, laying out, cleaning out my fridge, funny sweat pants, sneaking in MOUNDS of food to movies, midnight showings, Conference, concerts, sleeping on the tramp...I could go on and on! Be warned that there are a LOT of pictures in this one!


Shamous Harvey: I have known you the longest of everybody and I think of you as one of my sisters. You hands down have the FUNNIEST laugh ever when you really get going! I still laugh thinking of the first night I met you when we did 80's night, knocking on the window at Raintree: "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!" Thanks for letting me drive your car sometimes. Thanks for going along with my crazy [and sometimes BAD ideas]. Shay is always down for anything and everything. At one point at the start of this year, Shay was 1 of my 3 friends and I can not thank her enough for always sticking by me. Thanks for the nights where I'm crying and venting and you just sit there. I'm sorry once again for that night I almost killed you at the movie theatre and please don't ever pull those creepy lobsters out of the water at work anymore. :)

P. Mosh: We "bonded" by our strong dislike for 1 of my roommates, and our even stronger dislike for a guy she dated and I was makeout buddies with. But I usually don't like to give them that credit so we'll go with meeting through working together. Pierie's honesty is something I definetly admire about her. She has no problem with saying exactly what she thinks and she won't take crap from people. January will be a big month for her and I AM SO EXCITED FOR HER! [AND PROUD...and a little bit jealous] Thanks for being there for those nights where you come over way late, with no notice while I just sit there on the couch saying "I don't even know what happened!" type of nights. We always have a blast! She has let me become a part of her family for the months that I was far away from mine. We have a LOT in common. Not even stupid guys could come in between us. (And we know how hard all the T-bags tried!)


Kris: I thought you were quiet the first time I met you, but I quickly learned that you definetly aren't! Kristan has always patient. I can't think of a single time that she has ever been rude, or any form of unkind to somebody. Kris is super smart, great at school, and is already done down at Dixie. Kristan has such a big heart and tries hard to do what's right and to treat people good. She also is typically down for anything :) Kris thanks for always treating me good and being nice before we were even really friends. Thanks for always letting me eat all the teddy grahams and fruit roll ups :) :)

The day we did like 5 hikes around Zion's
haha best news from Kris at Hurricane spillway
"No I would rather kill myself than go with him!".."Yeah I would slit your wrists for you first!"



Sometimes when we get ready in Idaho fields, you just have to photoshoot after

Celebrating the end of Spring semester
...once we finally got the fountains going!

Ironman Finishline...and blue shirt boy :)



Grafton Trips...if you had any idea what a miracle this picture is

If you had any idea....:)
"I'm putting on my shades to cover up my eyes..."
Sometimes it's important to rotate drivers everytime we stop
Don't wear sunglasses in th middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere


Steve almost hitting us
New friends from bonfires
Crazy BMW man chasing us



Hiking Gunlock, Saved by the Bell marathon and first time watching Dumb and Dumber





BAB B!TCHE$

The night we got to watch Jason Derulo strip









Sleeping on the tramp="fun summer things to do"