life as of late

Dear God,

I have so much on my mind tonight that I just couldn't sleep. And you know how well and easily I tend to sleep, so this clearly is an issue to be addressed. I think it's because I have sooo much on my mind and my brain is trying to work through a lot right now. I figured I would talk to you since it's been awhile...

So you were right, I have made a lot of progress in life the last few months. A LOT. I still have a lot of my issues and a lot of things to work on, but I'm definetly better off. Thanks for matching me up with Sarah because she's a great therapist! I think a lot of days you help her to know exactly what to say. I'm glad that you made her so strong because she never breaks on the days where I just sit and scream like a maniac.

I'm happy that I'm going to be moving soon! Thanks for helping me find such a great apartment, within my budget and in such good shape on such short notice. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let it be a better roommate situation that Spring because let's me honest...Spring semester SUCKED and it was the worst roommate situation I've ever had. Let's not do that again.

Thanks for bringing Kahea home safe. I love talking to him and it's so fun to be able to randomly text and stuff again. He is SUCH a good guy!

I truly am thankful for my agency but really?! Sometimes I think I have too much agency, but I love it all the same. I just wish that I could narrow down my options and then have somebody tell me which is better of the 2 or 3 that I picked. I feel so bombarded with choices that I've had thrown at me the last couple weeks: boys, changing major, registering next semester, where to live next, what to do for summer...ahhhh! A little agonizing sometimes.

Things are...going...with math boy. I'm glad that things played out the way they did and are continuing the way that they are now. He makes me laugh and definetly is a highlight to my day. I love my 11-12 every Monday thru Thursday.

Please bless that as Ashlee has her baby within the next few days, that everything will go well and both will be happy and healthy. We went up to Festival of Trees last week and that was scary. With her so close to being due, it was hard to see pictures/read stories of all those sick little babies and the ones that have died. Please just let it go well again :)

Thanks for letting Jake come home for a little while. We've all missed him quite a bit. (Okay I guess you could say that's an understatement.) Please bless that the rest of his travels will go well and that on the way back he will continue to be safe. You're probably going to have to help us a lot when he leaves again. That part will DEFINETLY be tough! Goodbyes are never fun, especially on round 2. But we know that he's doing an amazing thing so that helps a little...for the most part.

Help me to not want to give up on people! I never thought that I would have a problem with that, but I'm really struggling with it lately. I'm pretty sure if I were to stop feeling sick and tired, this would be easier but in the mean time, I need some help. I don't want to go back to my bitter, awful March but sometimes I feel like I see traces of that in me.

In institue last week I buried "him" and I'm so happy about it! When we threw our papers into the hole, it was a great feeling! When we talked the other day, there was a zero affect on me and I was 100% more myself than last time we talked. Thanks for helping make me strong with that situation. Please continue to help him find his way.

Taylor leaves soon...wow. To be honest, I was a little doubtful that You really needed him in TIJUANA when you first called him, but I'm working on my faith with it. It's hard to imagine what kind of things my innocent, naive little brother will experience in those 24 months but I'm sure You know what you're doing and that he'll grow immensenly from it. PLEASEEEEE just keep him safe and let him know that he's loved while he's away.

Speaking of missionaries...You're sending 2 more home soon and I'm really excited about that! :) You could probably say that some countdowns are kinda going. Hard to really pinpoint how I feel about it exactly though...sticky situations.

I'm going to try and sleep now. Thanks for listening :) Thanks for always being there :) Thanks for not giving up on me the other night even though I'm pretty sure you wanted to. :) I'm still workin on the "lock and load" that we talked about but I think I'm getting better at it.

Chantel