you'll know if it's for you

DON'T LET YOUR SCHOOLING GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR EDUCATION

It's no big surprise that I look at life a little bit differently than most people. There are 3 f's that take dominance on my life: friends, family, fun. Death is something that is very real to me and has hit home a lot more often than I'd care to admit. In working at a nursing home, I see a side of life where people are sometimes left with regrets, "what-if's" and a long list of things to do that will now never be done. I'm not to say they haven't lived great lifes! Most (if not all) really have! But it's way too common that you run into somebody that is full of examples on what they'd have done differently.

With people meaning the most to me, I definetly get frustrated sometimes when they don't have the same priorities. Nobody likes to feel used or that they're forgotten or taken for granted but those days definetly come. If they don't for you-kudos! Everytime I try to tell myself to let someone go, or wait for them to put the work in, I cave. Lame? yes.

I guess that's what happens though when you lose someone (even once) that you left questions with. Because in all honesty, you really never do know when the last time you talk to someone will be the last time and trust me when I say that it's the worst feeling to have things left unresolved. Even if it's just positive things that you never took the time to say. And it's something that you have to live with.

Through out the last year I've come to be best friends with P. Mosh and she has taught me a lot. The main thing though is that she is never afraid to say how she feels whether for good or for bad. It's something that I admire about her a lot and I've tried to do it myself. I've always been one to avoid saying "too much" or hurting feelings or appearing vulnerable or anything that honest open communication can lead to. But I've learned that straight up honesty is really the only way to go in life. Sometimes feelings are going to be hurt or you'll find yourself in the middle of a conversation that you REALLY don't want to be in, but in the end, it is much much better to just go through it anyways. A little "Speak Now" from T-Swift if you will...

Immature, irresponsible, party girl, short sighted, unrealistic...the list could go on! These are all words that have been used to describe me at one point or another. I can honestly say though that I really just do. not. care. I have had moments where I have felt so alive and excited that I literally couldn't breathe. I have had days where I didn't have a care in the world and was miles away from any kind of fear or frustration. I have started to see the world. I have laughed so hard I've peed and heaved. I am in a place where I'm not afraid to talk to anybody whether I know them or not. I have had my heart broken. I have been betrayed. I have given and taken second chances. I have taken risks! (Yes-some were flat out crazy and were NOT my best ideas) and have had more adventures than I can even count!

But it's all a part of really, truly living. And not letting a single moment go past you. So I take lots of pictures, laugh at almost everything, make an effort with people, take roadtrips, spend money and time to visit people I love, but fun clothes, dance like a fool, stay up all night, think un-logically, enjoy the little moments, do things out of the norm, travel, seek adrenaline rushes....I guess that secretly I'm a little scared that all too soon it'll be over and I'll be sitting in my nursing home, talking about the good days and all the things I wanted to do in life.

(let's be honest-this is just a hilarious picture of the day)

As another random side note for my "seize the day and fix your life" rambling...I've thought a lot lately about people that I know I've hurt. I really am very sorry! I never meant for you to feel bad in any way and things I did were never to deliberatly hurt you. For the record, I still maintain that you never came to ME to try and fix things or even ask for an explanation, but that doesn't change the fact that you were hurt. I think there's 2 sides to every story and in some instances, neither of us were open to even entertaining the idea of hearing the other person out. Just know...I am sorry!