100th blog post!

So I had this cool, "lookback" and how have I changed type thing all typed up for my 100th post because for some reason I felt like it was a fairly big deal that I had kept it going for that long, when it started only because of a whim.

However, life in general isn't going according to plan lately, so why would something as simple as a blog post follow my initial intentions? ;)

Long story short? I am so happy. Really. I know that there are many times where I sound down and slightly depressed and (quite frequently) angry, but at the end of the day I love my life and I wouldn't change where I'm at now for anything.

Since starting this little blog, Taylor has grown to become one of my greatest friends and heroes. He is one of the people I look up to the most and I miss him tons! I miss his funny accents. I miss him sometimes taking me to school. I miss him scaring me (also a fairly frequent occurance). I miss him helping me with things like pushing my car out of the snow and half way up the street so I can get to work, even though by doing so he's making himself late. I miss his input on guys and his never failing gay-dar. I'm incredibly happy we moved out of the "I want to kill you whether we're related or not" and into actually being real friends.

It's a well known fact that facebook is one of the biggest black holes in the history of the world. However, it has nothing on these little babies. I'll try and run to my mom's just to drop something off, pick something up etc. "In and out in 10 minutes" but if they're awake I just can't pull myself away from them. I feel like when Ash had Kez, our family came together a little bit more for some reason and since then have gotten even closer and closer. I've never been one that's too big on family but I'm glad that I took everyone's advice and have taken chances to get closer to them. There are definetly still some frustrating days, but it's good. I love Keznee and Jaxon so much that it's hard to imagine that I could love even my own kids more.....odd yes.

If you had told me in high school that I would be moving to China for a semester, I never would have believed you. I'd like to think I was independent then, but nothing compared to where I am now. I haven't cried about China for a long long long time. (Yes I used to have random outbursts of tears when I first got home.) So long in fact that I don't even remember the last time. BUT, I still think about it all the time. I miss my kids like crazy! Roni learned the hard way on Sunday that I still love to sit and talk about it because it really did change my life in so many more ways than I thought it would have. So if you're ever bored and have 17 hours to spare, let me know and I'll give you the run down ;)

When I started this, I had just finished my first semester in St. George and it was nothing at all like what I thought it was going to be! I had a REALLY hard time letting go of high school and overall, my first semester really kinda sucked. I didn't have many friends. And by many I mean I had none. My high school crew allll stayed in Provo and could still hang out all the time and even though I had wanted the change and wanted new people, over Christmas break I seriously doubted if I could do it. My first posts were about Tanner and Clayton leaving on missions, and that was my wake up point. I finally realized that others were moving on too and that it was something I had to face. From that day on, I had a blast! I made more friends than school progress. I opened my mind up to different ideas about people, the Church, and life in general. I learned first hand how to grow up and it was hard because nobody prepared me for that side of "awesome college life that is so so so much better than high school." But I am so happy I went through it! I still love St. George soooo much and see why I needed to go there.

Like Taylor, my sisters have also become really good friends of mine. Brittany and I have always been close, but since we've both been in college and back in the same stage of life, it's easier to see things more eye to eye now. I loved having her in Cedar while I was trying to figure life out in St. George because she was always quick to come rescue me in those times where I didn't think I could do it. I love that we have some mutual friends and that we actually hang out. On the other hand, you could say me and Ashlee have never even been "associates." We didn't talk, we didn't agree, we didn't hang out. As you can probably guess though, that has changed. I have more respect for Ashlee than I do for almost anybody else. She's gone through some really hard things that I used to kinda judge her for until I realized what "real life" is about. I'm so thankful for her and her patience when I'd call her out of the blue, ask her personal questions and use her experiences for help with making my own decisions in life. I love that she ended up with a great guy like Jake and didn't settle for less than she deserved. The fact that she's got a deployed husband and is rasing 2 kids on her own kinda speaks for itself. She's a HUGE example to me and I'm glad that she took the time for her little sister, even when she may not have wanted to.

I have 3 B's that are on the trigger list of things I don't talk about, or don't talk about without getting mad or emotional: brother, Barry (aka dad) and boys. Kind of a well known fact I guess cause I've had people telling this to ME lately :) However, I'll touch on the boys thing for a minute because I got some good advice this week from (of course) dear ol' Sarah. She told me that now that I've let a lot of things from the past go, it's time to shift my focus to the worthwhile guys in my life and put more energy and attention there instead of the past. Drive through the windshield not the review mirror type thing. So... Dave and Troy. They were the "blessing boys" from a couple weeks back. I LOVE priesthood worthy guys! I guarantee that I am the girl that asks for blessings in the most inconvient times and it's such a relief when the guy is worthy, late at night, spur of the moment to come help me. And patient while they just sat there letting me have my cry moment ;) Kyle...chivalry is not dead when it comes to this boy! The biggest thing with him is that he makes me feel so good when I'm with him. He's always genuinely interested about what's going on in my life, and how past things turned out and walks me out to my car (OPENING DOORS) every. single. time. I leave his apartment. Bryce is so cute when he waits for his girlfriend to come out of class and opens the car door for her. Cody is still working on fixing his life, 2 years later and still hasn't given up. James is hilarious and always so fun to hang out with! Mike always tries to do what he thinks is right, and is so concerned about other peoples feelings all the time.

I love to have fun in life! That has always been true, not really a change in the last 2 years, but even more so now. I think the fact that so many of my friends are getting married and closing out their "single lives" that it just adds more motivation to just keep going and doing what I want to do. I have never wanted to be one of those girls that graduated high school, did a couple semesters of college (while still living at home of course) and then got married and send my kids to the same high school I went to (welcome to Provo!). Ew. There is so much that I still want to do before I even think about getting to a marriage point! Another adventure (like China) just might be stirring up for me again....

The last couple years have been a blast! I have made friends with some people that I really love and I'm so happy they've come into my life! I've lost some people and that only furthers my motivation to stay close with people around me now. I loooooove adventures and fun and laughing and traveling.... but school is finally started to have a place in my life too. Not too much since I did this instead of a paper, but it's getting there. For the first time in years, I'm going to class. For the first time in years, I'm starting to go back to church. I guess you could say that in some ways I've grown up a lot lately. I even have a check book now and this month alone have had 4 serious, "feelings", honest talks with people that needed to be done. Yeahhhh lookout! ;)

p.s. Since I made mention of Ashlee, Brittany and Taylor I guess I should say something about Tan Man. LOVE this kid! That's never changed though. We've always kinda been buddies and he's usually down to do anything that I'd let him come along to. Sneaky T still gets to hear more about my life than he cares to but I love that he'll always listen to me when I need him. Still the funniest kid ever. Still my little protector on the streets of Sanpete. Still long boarding and lunch buddies. Still honest, slightly naive, awesome (but no longer little) kid. Love you dude!