"feels like home"

Have you ever thought back to where you were a year ago? To the day! How often have you been able to remember everything about it? I mean, everything! One year ago today, was the biggest day of my life so far: the day I left for China.

I remember every microscopic detail of that day. I remember waking up that morning with a little bit of panic that I STILL hadn't packed. I had piles all over the floor but not a single thing actually in a bag. I remember eating chicken and baked potatoes. I remember what songs I listened to. I remember wearing my gray shorts and my "Rebel Recess" shirt. I remember talking to Rachel on facebook saying how excited we were for all of us to meet and just finally get there. I remember Casey coming over to say bye for seriously the 5th time! I remember Brad, Raife and Sam passing the phone around saying bye. I remember Jess and Nicole coming over to say bye and bring me my last Frosty. I remember Adaiza bringing over the photo album she'd made of our year at Dixie. I remember tearing up kissing little Kez bye. I remember Er texting me "Give me hell Chan! Show em how we do in the US of A!". I remember not being nervous or anxious or scared even ONCE for the 6 months before I left, but I can tell you the exact spot on the freeway where my stomach dropped and I almost crapped my pants when it finally hit me that I was going to live in CHINA, BY MYSELF, for FOUR months. I believe "What the HELL am I doing?!" were the words that came to mind.

I remeber Shelley being in front of me to check bags and getting so excited when we realized we were in the same group. I remember meeting Allie right outside the security gates. I remember my heart going crazy telling my parents and Britt bye. I was sooo proud of myself for not crying, even though they were. I remember turning away from our families with All and Shell and this instant, excitement taking over me. I have never felt like that! I remember walking through security and turning to wave at my family (still watching) and tearing up just a little bit when I finally turned to head to my terminal. I remmeber sitting on the floor outside of the gate and starting to get to know everybody. I remember getting on the plane to LA thinking "This is it! No turning back anymore." When the plane lifted off, I had a feeling that I was going to burst into hysterical tears at any second, but I was too excited. I never had a single tear :)

It took us almost 3 days to get there and August 20th didn't even exist because of the time changes. Our first night there, I have never felt more alone in my life. I couldn't call or text anybody and tell them what kind of craziness I was already going through. I didn't have a TV or music to "feel the silence." I was literally on the other side of the world from anybody that I knew. Even then, I STILL didn't cry. I quickly got to know the people I went with and grew to love them. A lot more than I thought I would have actually! I can easily say that they changed my life.

The first of 6 flights to getting home. Yes I have pants hidden in that pillo because my bags were sooooo overweight already

WE LOVE WENDY!


Took me 4 months but I finally got my picture with "Dumbledore"
The last night we went to tuck them in. This is Dave and one of my FAVORITE kids!
Party for Ruth and Shelley's birthdays that turned into a HUGE cake fight
Going through the gates of our first flight. Last time we ever saw Bill, Tim, Wendy and Kelly
Bike riding in Yangshuo. Right as we met the German boys and right before Alba got a bloody nose
I remember thinking I was extremely clever haha Outside the Forbidden City, in Tennemen Square
Birds Nest, Olympics 2008
Hiking 70.000 steps up a mountain. Goobered up with our matching hats and one of the funnest days of that whole month

Cape of Chongshong
RINGO! I love this little boy with all my heart
A typical meal for us :)
First signicant snowfall of Weihai. We walked around FREEEEEZING, singing Christmas songs with 2 weeks before we came home.
HAHAHA funniest day of my life with Niki and I deteremined to get our pizza. "We do shit together!"




Chase...he WILL be a Korean Hitler one day
Water buffalo in Yangshuo. My favorite city that we visited!


ERIC! Um we are still going to Colgne to find him and Tonic. My favorite person that we met. Pretty sure I laughed so hard that I was scared of peeing my pants, multiple times.
:)
Playing in the Yellow Sea
Windows on The Great Wall

Sunsets from our roof
The day we went to hike the Wall, it was POURING rain and it rains harder in China that I've seen in my whole life!
First train ride, going to Beijing





Steve-o! The heart throb down the hall

China is the most incredible and best thing that I have ever done! I have never been hotter in my life. I have never been COLDER in my life. I have never wanted a long, hot, clean shower more than I did at the end of those 4 months. But it was alll worth it. The day we left, we all gather in the Laurens room and we sang "God Be With You 'Til We Meet Again" with the other American teacher from down the hall. Not even 4 words out, I was bawling! It was so sad to leave this place that had literally become my HOME in the last 4 months. We said a prayer that we'd travel safe and then opened the door to find good ol Tim and 30 of his students ready to haul our bags down for us. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It was a total feeling of I am never going to see you again. I cried and cried and cried. Even after I got home, I'd randomly cry over seemingly nothing for almost a whole month.
Wo ai zhoungguo! :)

longest post of my life? check.

Things have been crazy lately! As rare as they are, I realized this week I start every blog post, journal entry and missionary letter with that same line but it is unbelievably true! I remember hearing when I was little that the older you get the fast time seems to go by and I could not agree more!

Birthdays
Andy Walker turned 21 on July 14th! Megan, Hilary and I (and of course Andy) went down to Vegas for a couple nights to party it up. I hadn't seen them since March and it was so much fun to catch up and get to be with them again. We NEVER stop laughing, joking around and just having a blast no matter what we're doing. If we're stuck in traffic on the strip, you'll find us talking to people in funny accents in the cars next to us. Andy has always been such a good example to me! When we first met, I thought that she hated me but turns out that she's really just kinda shy at first. Who isn't? For the last year we've gotten way close and I look up to her alot Love you Buttercup! :)
Brie Gutzman. There's been previous posts about her from this last semester but it was also her birthday August 16th where she turned 20 and officially became an adult! Congrats Briezy! I had work and so I didn't get to see her until the day after but again....so much fun! It doesn't matter what I'm doing with her, we have a blast! Living with Brie was the greatest blessing I had for Spring semester. We were on the same page and going through a lot of the same things together so it was perfect. She quickly became one of my best friends and I love her to death!

Trips
All summer I've wanted to go to California and it finally happened the last week of July. With 1 week notice, Pierie and I loaded up her little CRV and headed to San Luis Obismo and San Diego. We went to our first drive in movie, the beach, rode the trolley, SHOPPING, swings at the beach and had pizza at least once every single day for a week. We got to be really good friends at the start of the year so it was fun to have one last "hurrah" before I moved back to Provo. It was kinda a chaotic start to try and get everything worked out okay but it was so worth it! We've added learning how to longboard really well to our bucket list of things to do in life after we hit the hills with the boys on our first night. I love roadtrips! You get to see a new perspective to people and of course tons of talking time. And did I mention we met Osama Bin Laden on the way back? Yeah he was hanging half way out the window, waving at us from his semi :) Thank you to Ren for helping us get my ipod fixed and Travis for checking the filters before we left!

Boys
;) Good try! Let's just say sometimes I feel like a princess and other times I swear there's a secret contest for "Douche of the Day."

Family
In the week that I've been home, I think I have seen my dad like 3 times! We have compeltly different schedules, I start my night at about the time he goes to bed. Everytime I see my dad I just love him so much! I realize that sounds kinda funny but I really do. Our relationship has come a looooooong ways for the better. He came down with his truck to help me get a load of stuff back which was a huge help for me. He's still the Bishop which keeps him super busy all the time. My mom I also haven't seen much of. She's still busy running around taking care of everybody and helping in any way that she can. Ashlee and Kez are in the process of packing up and moving downstairs while I type this actually. More on them later though. I'm way excited to have a little babykins back in the house! Jake officially left the country this week. :( Sad day but we just pray that he'll be safe. Brittany is ALSO in the process of moving! She heads back to school early in the morning to start her last year of nursing school. Taylor is starting at UVU next week. He's just finishing up his mission papers and I could not be more excited and proud of him! Tanner is going to be a junior which is SOOO weird to come home and have him suddenly driving himself everywhere. Our house is super chaotic most of the time right now. With painting, and moving and people everywhere it makes for a little bit of craziness but I actually kinda like it! It's fun having a full house again and have almost everyone back. Taylor and I went to Tim McGraw July 30th for his graduation present. LOVED it and I hope he did too for his first concert! Tanner cracks me up on the DAILY with the great little conversations that we have. It's been fun to get to hang out with Britt too. I'm going to miss her! I think we do better not being under the same roof, but it's good to have her close.

Work
I went and said goodbye and St. George Care and Rehab and when I got in my car after, I started to cry. Working there was so much fun! I had some great coworkers that just cracked me up the whole time and got to become good friends with some of them. The residents put me through every emotion in the book, but at the end of the day I still love them. I started work up here at a new Beehive Home that's just beautiful and soooo different than what I'm used to but I love it! Definetly a change for the good. My first day of training though I got a text about how 3 of my St. George residents had died and it made me so sad :( As much as they needed to go, I'm still glad that I missed it because stuff like that still just gets me way down.

There still has been so much going on but I'll do a post on our summer bucketlist for more of that. Things are so great right now! I feel like I'm in a pretty good place for myself right now! Still a long ways to go, but I'm making progress which is what's more important. I've taken a couple walks around the temple since being home and it's a good reminder for me to keep everything in perspective right now. Being back has been a big change and still some adjusting to do, but I'm really happy with my decision. I miss St. George like crazy (especially my SUNSHINE!) but I'm happy here :)

summer lovinnnnn

It's now the first of August. That means that summer is officially winding down. Which means that sadness is striking up. At the same time though, there's a little spark of excitment deep, deep down in the pit of my stomach. It means that classes are starting which poses the lifelong question of "Who will be in my classes?" "Who will I sit by?" "Any hot guys?" "Will I pass?" etc. It means new school clothes. It means new school supplies. Hitting those Wal-Mart shelves is comparable to a little kid in a candy store! August also means it's time for a new location for the 3rd August in a row....

I have driven this long road 5 times in the last 3 1/2 days! It's made for some looooong days but it's actually been oddly fun and I've been able to see some breathtaking sunsets! Everytime I look at a sunset, it makes me think back over the summer I've had. I don't know why but it just does! Once again, it's been an incredible 3 months. I've gone places, met new people, kept in touch, got out of my comfort zone, grew personally and just had a blassssst!

Hope everyone is having an amazing summer! Live it up my friends because it's coming to an end pretty darn quick

Home of the Free, because of the Brave

I have been able to go to some truly incredible places in my life! My whole life, my parents raised me to be patriotic and respect the flag and what it stands for etc. But through some of my trips, this "American Pride" has grown in me more and more as I have seen things like Pearl Harbor, Ground Zero, The White House, allll the war memorials in D.C. But nothing more than living in China for those four months.

1 night in China during one of our many "boardtalks" we talked about how great America is and how lucky we are, how good we have things...... Ironically enough, that same night I checked my email to find a letter from Ash saying that Jake was going to be deploying. June 25th was the long awaited and dreaded day.


To make a long story short, it was exactly what we expected it to be: hard and awful. He flew out at night so all day it was in the back of my mind, yet everything still seemed normal for the most part. Before we left for the base, my mom pulls a flag out of the garage and tells him that she wants him to put it up in the front yard and "It will stay there until YOU come home and take it out."...while crying of course. I'm pretty sure it was my mom's way of saying stay safe and make it back. This is when I started thinking "Well this is kinda weird."


We stopped for dinner on the way up and still just normal minus the fact that he was in full military uniform. Once we got to the base, we went through security and started to help unload a little bit. I looked around and saw HUNDREDS of uniformed men and woman with their kids and spouses, greeting other military friends, carrying their packs and loading trucks when I suddenly had a huge lump in my throat and it hit me that this was finally actually happening.


I didn't want to make things harder for Ash so I refused to let myself think about it and my welled up tears quickly disappeared. Thank heavens! We hung out and snacked and took pictures for a couple hours. The Deseret News had interviewed "The Brandt Boys" before because there are 3 of them going at the same time and in there he said how they seemed more like a 3 man comedy troop than 3 men heading out to war and he was exactly right! The whole time we were in the hanger I was amazed at their attitudes and how chill and relaxed they were.

Ricky (practically the 4th brother) was on the first plane and the other 3 were on the second. At this point I was still okay and things were back to seeming surreal. I went up to the front to get some pictures for Britt and I see this dad (one of mannnnny) hugging his 2 little boys, all three of them crying. I focused on pictures the same time that the dad wiped his eyes and walked away. Immediatly the younger of the brothers started to chase after him a little bit, sobbing! I will never forget his voice when he said "Daddy don't go!" Almost just as quick, the older brother was at his side, put his arm around him (still crying also) and said "It's okay buddy he'll be back!" I LOST IT!

After we said bye to Jake we stood and watched them do final formation. Earlier, Jake had ranted for 20 minutes how he was upset that you never got a second hug like they do in the movies. So NATURALLY, after their formation he was able to hurry over to get one last hug and a couple seconds with Ash. It was awesome! Then they started to line up to get on the plane so the sisters stood on the chairs watching and taking pictures until we lost sight of him. He text Ash saying what window he was in so we waved and yelled with everybody else as the plane taxied away behind their police escort. Walking out to the parking lot Brittany and I talked about how "God Bless the USA" was stuck in our head all night. The plane took off right as we were getting into all our cars.

Thanks for everything you're doing Jake, Joe, Rich, Ricky and all of Unit 141 and other soliders! Good luck and STAY SAFE!

Sweet Home...Provo Utah

"I'm happy in New York Jake! But then I come down here...and this fits too!" "Well who says you can't have roots AND wings?"

These are the wise word spoken on one of my all time favorite movies: Sweet Home Alabama! It's at the point where Reese is trying to decide whether she wants to stay with her new life in New York after going home to Alabama and realizing how much she loves it there too. Let's just say...I know exactly how she feels!

Since January I have had some extremely hard months. I've tried to decide if they fall into that "hardest of my life" category but for story sake let's just stick with plain difficult. At one point back in the end of February/end of March I was so ready to pack up and head out of this town and never look back. I suddenly wanted nothing to do with ANYBODY down here and wanted to erase everything that happened in those 3 months since being home. Things were done, words were said and feelings were hurt. It was then that I got this little idea "Well what if it's time to move somewhere else."

I went through so many options that I even considered going to Ukraine, back to China or possibly even a little adventure in Puerto Rico. All of these sounded AMAZING, exciting, new and just fun which is exactly what I wanted. But unfortunatly none of them felt even remotely right for me. "Life" got better and I stopped wishing my semester away and had a BLAST! I got to be really good friends with some new people and learned a lot about myself again. My Ukraine, China and Puerto Ricos dreams were put on a back burner as just fun thoughts but nothing serious.

Even though the city thoughts went away, I still wasn't able to shake the feeling that maybe it was time for somewhere new again. I begin to think of more logical, responsible ideas like Logan, Provo or maybe even California. Loooooooong story short I realized that it's time to go home for a little bit. I've missed out on A LOT of both family and friend things and that made me super sad the other night. My little brother is starting his mission papers and I don't want to miss out on his last few months here.

Soooooo Provo it is! It's going to be so weird to go back to being an official resident there again. I have no life in Provo outside of what it was in high school so I'm way pumped to see what this brings me! I can't wait to get to hang out with old friends again and definetly meet some new ones too.

If I could run the world.....everybody from Provo, St. George, China crew, Price and everybody else that meant something to me would all live in one big town together! That way I never missed anybody and had the people I love around me all the time instead of ALWAYS being away from somebody. Because I think that missing somebody is the worst feeling ever!

On to my last 3 weeks in Geezy. Yeah I bawled :) Definetly another adventure but also going to be a bittersweet one!