"For Good"

There's an old saying that goes: practice makes perfect. The more you cook, the more you understand how to "eyeball" something and how to NOT burn your products. The more you kiss, the better you'll be at it. The more you shoot freethrows, the more your muscles remember the pattern and the more your brain will remember where to aim. The first time I sat down to play the piano, I had no idea what I was doing and I couldn't! The more I practiced, the more songs I started to know and the more I could "improv" and figure out on my own. There are countless examples to this saying! However there is only one exception: death.

Death never gets easier. No matter how many people you have close to you die, you still never know what to expect. You never know what moments are going to make you suddenly break down in tears or where you'll be when you hear a song that reminds you of them. Each time, you are once again hit by the sudden and STRONG realization that you can no longer call them or hang out. Things that were unsaid, will now forever remain unsaid. Death is a sad and strange fascination of mine.

At 9 pm Tuesday night, Heaven was blessed with the amazing spirit of one of my old residents. This man was incredible! Easily one of the best! He reminded me a lot of my dad so the whole "keep your distance and make sure you don't get attached" line was never there with him! When I first met his family, we passed time while talking about how much he ate, how he slept and if he had pooped. We got to be friends while laughing at his singing, dumb boys in my life and talking about the joys of being married and having your own family. In the end I was practically family as we sat crying and praying for more time while talking about his values, life after death, early doctors appointments and lessons learned.

This man was a patriarch for most of his life and even though he got released once he starting getting sick, I think Heavenly Father knew to leave a little touch of it in him because he knew it would be blessing my life later on. This man always knew what to say to me! His favorite topic to talk to me about was boys. He gave me ENDLESS talks on how I deserve the best, I should never settle for anything, never let a guy make me feel bad, find someone that believes in loyalty and fidelty, have him take me to the temple.....I could go on and on! It's like he always knew exactly what I needed to hear that day and he knew how to say it perfectly. I learned a lot from him! I will never forget how he spoke about his wife with a love, respect and sacredness like I've never seen before.

We've known for awhile that the end was near for him so when his daughter called me in my class yesterday, I left early and stopped in to check on him and his family. His daughter from California had just got there so I had a feeling he would probably stop hanging on fairly soon. Then his other daughter told me they were giving him a blessing of release and I knew that he'd be gone by the end of the night. He was blessed that he would soon be able to dance again. He was blessed with peace. He was blessed to know that Heavenly Father was waiting for him and that his pain and suffering would soon be over.

When I opened my eyes, I had the perfect view of him. Even through my tears I could how tiny he had gotten. But I no longer saw pain and agony. I saw peace and comfort and a man that probably didn't want to leave his wife and kids but was ready to go home. The Cali daughter leaned down and said "Daddy Chantel has come to see you!" As I moved over to his bedside, his son warned me that he hadn't been responsive since the previous afternoon. I leaned down, rubbed his shoulder and said his name. It was crazy because instantly his eyes slowly pulled right open and just a hint of a smile came through as he closed them again.

As his family all started crying again (which wasn't helping ME, NOT to cry) I leaned back down right by his ear. What started as a "Go meet the daughter and check in to say hello" had suddenly become my "moment of goodbye." I rubbed his shoulder for a minute, trying not to cry. I knew that was the last thing the family needed, even though they themselves were already in tears! I knew they were all watching us because they had suddenly gone extremely quiet and I could hear quite little, stiffled sobs from his 2 daughters having the hardest time.

I whispered how much I loved him. I thanked him for the countless lessons he had taught me. I told him that he'd given me another small bit of faith in the male population. I choked out our favorite "You're a good man ______ ________." Somehow this came up one day and it became my signature phrase that I'd say everytime before I left his room. I kissed his forehead and pulled away, knowing that I was now okay for him to go. I hugged all of his family again and was out in my car within 5 minutes of the kiss. I knew I had to hurry and leave and RIGHT as I closed my door, I complelty lost it and sat there full on sobbing for a good couple of minutes before I drove away. The first song on my ipod on shuffle was "For Good" from Wicked and it seemed perfectly fitting. One of the very first lines says "I've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason. Bringing something we must learn, and we are lead to those who help us most to grow, if we let them...." I can honestly say that his example and the things he said to me in his lucid moments, have change my outlook on many things, which will end up changing my life.

Less than 9 hours later, he passed over to the other side. I'm pretty sure that Heavenly Father himself was there to greet him. I'm sure he told him "Well done thou good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over few things now I will make thee ruler over many things; enter now into the joy of the Lord."

....I'm sure he's up there dancing, playing with his grandbabies, talking to his beloved parents and looking out for everybody that he left behind