live out loud

2012-02-08T00:15:00.003-07:00

Today was a great day. For one...I was ASSIGNED to watch Grey's Anatomy! School just does not get any better than that! Another bonus came in the form of the sun still being fairly "up" by the time I left for work. It kept me in a great mood for my little journey to American Fork. I made dinner tonight. I had 20 minutes to curl up on the couch in my quilts tonight. Lisa and I got to have a little chat for the second night in a row. I stayed at the school 4 extra hours after getting out of class and got a bunch of stuff done. And a to-do list assembled for tomorrow. When I got to work, I was 2 hours in and I threw up. Lots. Out of nowhere. Luckily I was already wandering to the bathroom, just not feeling right. I went back to my 1:1 room (did I really say I'll take the overdose people?! change of plans...) and after sitting in the chair for another half hour, I got a massive bloody nose. As in "change out of my scrub top" bloody nose. While walking to change, I threw up again. At that point I got a go home free card. So I packed up my homework and right as I left, I got to talk to my super super busy boy for a little bit. And let's face it, that makes a bad day good and a good day better.

Thank you God,

It was a grand day :)

A-Z but grateful!

2012-02-06T17:40:00.002-07:00

January and I....not that great of friends. Despite the fact that it was oddly warm, it was NOT a good month. In just those four weeks, I lost about 12 pounds. I feel like I literally went through every single emotion from A-Z! Anxious, frustrated, happy, scared, timid,excited, surprised...literally anything! And ask anybody close to me, they'll tell you what a rollercoaster I was. Seemed like everyday I woke up determined to make it better, then something else would hit or something else came up and got me down some. And I'm pretty sure I cry more than I did all last year put together. Which I'm still not sure why but I guess tears are just universal and by week three I think my body was just used to it. Don't get me wrong, there were great parts of January too but in the words of Demps: "It's a good thing it's over." I realized today just how grateful I am for the guys in my family and how much they bless my life.

Daddio: there's something about dad where he can make even the bad situations seem just a little bit better. Even in high school when he'd go on business trips, things just didn't feel right at home. I'd always feel safer that first night he got back; knowing he was right upstairs was a huge comfort. I was texting him about money I owe him on Friday and things going on, and instead of being mad or frustrated with me, I somehow ended up with a dinner invite! My dad is the best
Jacob: Ash couldn't have done better. Jake fits right into our family. We always joke about the first Christmas he spent with us and how mom had to teach him "the rules." Jake is super down to earth and couldn't judge anybody if he tried. Saturday was finally my turn around from January but not before I had a huge breakdown. I knew that I needed a blessing but my dads phone was off. I didn't even hesitate with calling Jake and he was so patient while I tried to form words and didn't force me into talking about anything. I'd have to say he's my favorite brother in law.

The Elder: I was in the middle of checking (deleting) emails after class today when Taylor's came through. Before even reading it, I wrote him again to see if he was still online. He was and we got to email back and forth for almost 30 minutes, just chattin. I miss that kid! I'm so excited about how much he's grown though and much like when "my boys" from high school were on missions, his letters always make me feel so much better about life in general and help me to keep the bigger picture in mind. He's my favorite missionary in the family.

Sneaky T: This picture demonstrates Tanner perfectly. Even since he was little, he has always been so willing to help ANYBODY! And in any way that he can. There's sometimes that he just cracks me up. He'll want to dance battle me (knowing I can't dance at all), compare new songs or joke about taking me on a "date" if I'll pay. For the most part, he's always so happy and loves to get a stir out of my mom, which is comical for anybody around. I'm so pumped for him to move out of Utah Valley for a while when he goes to the U in fall and for him to "hook it up with some single roommates." Like I said...he's pretty funny. He's my favorite little-yet-taller brother.

2012-01-29T21:10:00.002-07:00

I have the best roommates! One of them makes cookies for the days I'm stressed and don't want to go to work when I get called in. She puts banana bread in my cupboard for me to find. She humors me on our Beyonce drives in the snow. One lets me use her shower so I don't catch diseases in the one I'm supposed to use. (Fact.) She lets my friends crash in her room when they come visit for the weekend. And sometimes...they just know that it's gonna be a bad day so when I get home that night, they have a 6 pack of Dew and a cute note sitting on the table for me.
Sometimes I wonder if this 'growin up' stuff is really for me. Good thing it's not optional... It's tough to pray for an answer and then follow thru when the answer isn't the one that I wanted.
For now I guess I'll just stick to cute little kisses from my other favorite boy :)

the start of 2011!

2012-01-28T15:14:00.010-07:00

JANUARY

-Kicked off the year with New Years in Vegas, then on to California

-Bubbs left on his mission to Tijauna

-Did the unthinkable and moved into BYU Housing

-Roadtrip back to St. George

-Saw Clayton after he was home for a few weeks

-Got my current "Intrepid" aka Kayne

FEBRUARY:

-Grandma Olsen died

-St. George trip again

-Tanner home from Peru

-AMAZING Jazz game and on the megatron 4 times

-Roadtrip up to Logan

MARCH

-Sang in CES fireside with J.Farns

-first time to Zupas with Troy Boy

-Festival Of Colors
-Sundance day with Nicole

-Baseball games started up

APRIL:

-Best April Fools day pranks EVER!

-St. George trip

-Put purple and red in my hair for the first time

-Tan Man went to PROM

-Kirk and Jon come home

summer highlights

2012-01-19T16:33:00.016-07:00

MAY

-finally got my patriarchal blessing

-camping up Provo canyon

-"camping group" strikes up and trip to Moab

-first voiced going on a mission

-celebrated cinco de mayo!

-Britt graduated from nursing school

JUNE

-mission call to San Fernando California spanish speaking

-hiking Payson canyon with the roomies

-trip to vegas

-first time kissing a Timpview boy

-hike Mt. Olympus and see a rattle snake

-scooter ride from Provo to Park City

-RO-DAY-OH season starts

-Jake home from Iraq

-Mona rope swing

JULY:

-chopped 8 inches off my hair

-almost moved to Arizona..then St. George....then Europe for 7 months

-Chrissy left to serve in Prague

-Brad Paisley at Stadium of Fire

-early Harry Potter 7 P2 showing

-Astle and Ceej came home

-Kenny Chesney concert

-Bear Lake trip

-lots and lots and lots of aerial fireworks

-boating for Andy's birthday

-AF adventure with Lenzie

-camping with dad and Tanner

AUGUST

-trip to Cam's cabin in Causey

-moved to a townhouse

-Beehive for one year

-Huntsville trip with Tanner

-caught Rachel's bouquet

-St. George trip

-became a true Wolverine

-sticky note a car (originally black but looks white after)

-float Provo River

-Camping with family

-Brittany Allred's wedding

-Shelley's wedding

-Tim McGraw and Luke Bryan concert

2011 part dos

2012-01-10T23:23:00.010-07:00

September:

first time to Comedy Sports

J. Farns left to serve in Bangkok Mission

RASCAL FLATTS and Sara Evans

football games every single weekend

awesome PJ's with Pierie

set off 99 Red Balloons (as per bucket list of life)

October:

great tickets to General Conference

became a True Rebel!

drove along the Alpine Loop in a convertible

"Witches Night Out"

Halloween parties

trip to St. George for Hill's birthday

best birthday turning 22 :)

November:

nannied the triplets for a weekend in Helper

officially began work for IHC

got the damn braces on
trip to Logan

Megs got married!

quit working at Beehive after over one year

December

slept for over an hour on the shuttle bus

Anna left to serve in the LA mission

talked to Elder Taylor Olsen for over an hour

Jake home for the Christmas sleep outside event

Jax man turned one!

fell in love for the first time with a boy that puts all others to shame

Christmas lights EVERYWHERE!

best. New. Years. Eve. Ever

a happy place

2012-01-08T22:29:00.002-07:00

So I've been meaning to do the whole "Look back over 2011" deal but still haven't really had time to. It'll happen one of these days though :)

Today I went to my old ward. I had wanted to talk to Bishop Owen but with the start of the year/new semester I didn't think he'd have time so I just chilled in the back. He finished shaking one persons hand though, and he turned and looked right at me and waved. He still sat there looking at me for a little bit so I jumped up and ran down. It was so good to talk to him even for just a minute.

He shook my hand and asked how I was doing. We talked for a little bit and he took my hand again and said "You seem much happier than the last time we talked. I'm so glad you came today!" The rest of the day has had me more or less thinking about 2011 and how much happened and how much I grew and essentially changed.

I love being able to say that I'm happy and mean it! Trials really do just make us stronger and bring us to a better place in life. 2011 was one for the record books with some of my best and beyond worst times. It's incredibly cliche but I honestly wouldn't trade a single day last year for where I'm at now.

Bring onnn 2012!

to remember for 2012

2011-12-20T00:34:00.002-07:00

New Years resolutions at their finest...Here's a list of a few things that I want to keep in mind and appreciate more in the next year:

1. Reuniting with someone you love at the airport

2. The morning after a night of rain

3. Walking in to a warm building after being in the cold outside

4. Silence after a crazy day

5. Those times where your back pops perfectly

6. When your teacher uses your work as a good example

7. Lit up Christmas trees!

8. Songs that give you the chills

9. A hot shower after a great work out

10. Listening to your favorite song live at a concert

11. When you talk to an old friend and it's like nothing has changed

12. The feeling you get after putting on chapstick

13. When you try something on and it fits perfectly

14. That extra hour of sleep after daylight savings

15. Colors of autumn

16. Getting your homework done in class

17. Crossing something off your bucket list

18. The way you smell right after a shower

19. Sunsets! Nothing beats a sunset

20. Looking back over pictures on your way home from a trip

21. When you end up having more time to get things done than you thought you did

22. That moment of realizing that you've come a long way in life and that you're happy with where you are

23. When the person hugs back tighter

24. The sound when you open a bottle of Mt. Dew

25. Going to bed without setting an alarm and realizing you get to sleep as long as you want

26. When you drop something and it doesn't even break

27. That first deep breath when you come up from under water

28. That moment you realize your period is finally over (or that your girlfriends is)

29. Being in a fantastic mood for no real reason, "just because"

30. Waking up and realizing you have more time to sleep

Life really is all about the little things :) Take more time to enjoy them next year!

fact.

2011-12-06T14:39:00.002-07:00

In my class today, an arguement came up about chivalry and how girls are so difficult to understand. It then launched in to how we can be super difficult to please because every girl wants "a guy that will fit the bill for anything then want. If you're rich...your girl is happy!" Wow! My friend Lenzie and I also talked about this on our way to Logan not so long ago. This couldn't be more wrong and I found something on my friend Nicole's blog that perfectly summed up what we really want: We want a boy that holds our hand. We want the guy that kisses our foreheads, not just shoves his tongue down our throat. We don't need a whole bouquet of extravegant flowers, even a single rose would be awesome. Girls understand that life can be crazy. We don't need to talk to you for four hours every single night, but it means the world when you call for just 2 minutes to say hi and see how things are going. Don't lie to us. Ever. There's a special place in hell for the boys that turn us into objects and get upset or rude when they don't get exactly what they want. Opening the door occasionally goes a long ways! And I can't even tell you how much it means to be called beautiful or pretty instead of "hot" and "sexy" isn't even attractive.

Dear Boy in Class,

I promise we aren't that hard to figure out or please.

Just do the thinking with the right head and you're golden!

And major props to those actual men that do treat us right :)

ex.hausted

2011-11-29T17:49:00.002-07:00

You know that point where you feel like you need to eat everything in sight, alllll the time? Or when you're at the grocery store and things like popcorn dipped in frosting starts to sound amazing? (Don't judge....it's good!) You're sitting in class and you realize that seven minutes have gone by but you literally have no idea what was just said? When you're sitting there and catch yourself making a list of all the fun things you want to do or would rather be doing? I hate that I find myself debating if I should go to the library and work on a paper/assignment or wash my hair or sleep for an hour before I work all night. But naturally there's never time to do all three! Maybe you've had that point where it seems like there are six different heartbeats in your head all at once. Or my personal favorite....you make a list of all the school things you need to get done and instantly you realize that you're in GREAT need of a nap? And once you're in that bed, there is not enough energy in the world to get you out of it.

Hello end of semester! How I have dreaded the days....

count your many blessings..name then 1 by 1

2011-11-25T19:18:00.004-07:00

Two years ago I was still off on that crazy adventure called China. That September, I had realized just how much I am truly blessed with back here in "Real Life." I can honestly say that my life has never been the same since that semester abroad! One of the things I did was make a "209 in 2009" where I listed 209 specific things that I was grateful for; talk about a HUGE eye opener! I still have it on my bookshelf and it's kinda funny to read what I wrote about simple things like a clothing selection, public school, hot water whenever I want it,drinkable water, traffic laws (HAHA), that I've never been high maintance and it goes on and on and on.

That Thanksgiving was honestly the BEST that I have ever had! 16 of us packed into this small room above with maybe 2 scoops (teaspoon scoops mind you) and a roll and just a few other items. It was incredibly! Everybody was so close at that point and it was awesome to sit and listen to so many different things we were grateful for and blessings we had realized. A.MAZING!

I'm thankful for....

my parents teaching me young how to stand on my own two feet. my job. my hot water whenever I want it (you don't know how awful it is to NOT have that.). my overall health. my MENTAL health. my dad's job. my vaccuum. my parents making me go to church until I could learn for myself how important religion is. my ability to make choices. the chance that I had to go to China; literally thankful for that EVERY day. my boys that went on missions. second chances. nights where the world is totally right and nothing could ever go wrong. random adventures with fun friends. laughing until you pee on the nights you need to remember that life is great. deep conversations that help change your perspective. those days where you realize things will be okay again and that you aren't a lost cause. friends that never leave you. the ability to "step back" from friends that hurt you and feel okay about it. accountability: learned it young and the hard way but I'm glad that I did. my car and not having to use public transportation. friends that tell you things that you need to hear. healthy relationships. people that tell you they believe in you. my family.

the girls at 1727

2011-11-21T00:45:00.002-07:00

Here at 1727 we....
-like to do things "Just to prove a point"
-are sometimes called the Energizer Barbies
-have a quote board that some people don't approve of but we laugh over it all the time
-love our neighbors that allow us to use their hot tub just six feet from our back door
-find it necessary to use backpacks for our towels...to get those six feet away
-re arrange the cupboards at 1 am
-have a duck in our front room. Literally. And his name is Howard
-believe in "no judgment...all God's children. I was ________ once."
-decorate the WHOLE house for Halloween
-are becoming more domestic (sometimes referred to as homely)
-almost always have at least one person blasting music. usually more
-never lose a moment for a "challenge accepted"
-may or may not have drugged a duck
-beat the boys in a cookoff
-don't need to clean because we "just did in June." (I wish I could say that was a joke...)
-have plans to sleep outside in November

Yep, we have a lot of fun! Note though that there are indeed 4 roommates and not just 3. But one tends to miss out on the fun all the time and stays in her room pretty much all the time. I love my roommates!

very very very future

2011-11-10T00:12:00.002-07:00

Dear Future Husband,
I'm not the type to really think of you very often but this week was definetly one of "those weeks." I love my single life more than I can even explain, but this week I wish that you were already here. Not because I'm ready to never go out and want to watch movies all the time, but because I'm sick of the games. I'm sick of the guessing. I'm so over the heartlessness. I don't know who you are, but I know you're not one of these "men" making me cry. So until now..stay excellent! I know there's still years until we even meet but I already love you in some odd way.

Love, The Wife

change is a...good thing?

2011-11-10T00:03:00.002-07:00

Sometimes you have to accept that things change: people, situations, circumstances (is that the same?...), relationships, everything. Sometimes it can work for the greater and sometimes it's just really really hard. But life goes on.

step #32857 in becoming an adult? check.

school was ROUGH last week!

2011-11-02T21:23:00.003-06:00

One day, I felt sick all morning and couldn't really get out of bed. I had a test and so I finally dragged myself out and headed over to school. Just the day before, Nicole and I had been texting about how the new shuttle buses looked nice...let's just say I put them to the ultimate test. I curled up in the back seat, wishing I was still in bed, and the next thing I knew it one hour and 37 minutes later. And there I was...asleep riding the shuttle bus. Those babies are smooth!

A different day, I went to my math class after chugging my typical Mt. Dew. I ran out to the bathroom about halfway through. Keep in mind that my math class is in the education building which used to be an elementary school, meaning that the bathrooms were built for little people. I may or may not have screamed (yes..screamed) when I felt like I was "falling" for too long. A lady outside my stall asked if I was okay. I just said yes and felt too stupid to explain. However that didn't stop me from hysterical laughter the whole time I was in the bathroom.

I almost got hit by a car. Like for reals. And I fully admit that it was my fault. I was on the phone and I even told my friend "This car is going really fast" and then right after I stepped off the curb. Not sure what I was thinking on that one. Like really. I'm not even mad that they honked and flipped me off.

On yet ANOTHER rough day, I went into the wrong class. I went to my Tuesday noon class on Monday at noon. This was my day of not feeling well and wishing that I was still in St. George so I sat there for a good 20 minutes before the kid next to me asked how I was just barely adding the class. It was at this point that I finally realized I was wrong. Cue that hysterical laughter again. I said "Oops" and got out of there as fast as I could.

I understand how you feel little guy! Needless to say though, I am DEFINETLY going to pay a little bit better attention at school for now on. Cause last week was just rough!

2011-10-18T21:41:00.001-06:00

I love conference every time it comes around. I love the atmosphere of it, getting to feel better about life in general but I REALLY love when they have priesthood session and you see what boys make it a priority to go. Or even just seeing the guys in their suits at the regular sessions.

love how conference always reminds me exactly what guy I really want in life.

22 life lessons

2011-10-13T02:42:00.002-06:00

In only 2 weeks, my birthday will be rolling around once again. October 29th is a day that I kinda look forward to for 364 days of the year. Last year, turning 21 wasn't super awesome. I didn't really do much and had no plans with friends so I headed up to Logan late that night. Thank you to Hill and Andy for making the last few hours of it awesome! We passed the birthday candle, got Mt. Dew and balloons and danced at the White Owl and spent the weekend with two of my best friends.
It's hard to believe another year has already rolled around! I was talking with a friend the other night and he made me realize just how much things have changed and what a heck of a year it has been. In honor of soon turning 22, here are 22 lessons or facts that I have learned for myself in the last year...

1. Even in Logan you can get booted. Even on your birthday.

2. "Drinks" are always essential at work.

3. I used to think that laughing really hard was the greatest feeling in the world....then I got to hug some of my best friends that I hadn't seen in over two years. Laughing became the number two.

4. It is possible to truly forgive people. And I highly reccomend it

5. Days where I ditch college life and go hang out with my family (namely Kez and Jax) are essential. Typically the greatest days of the week.

6. It is okay to chop off your hair when you feel like you're losing your mind and that life is falling apart. One day you will probably wake up and realize that you even love it.

7. People still are not going to come to you wanting to be your friend; you have to make an effort.

8. Watching Ash deal with Jake's deployment while raising two children made me realize what an amazing sister I have!

9. Realizing exactly where you're supposed to be and exactly what you're supposed to be doing is the most incredible and peaceful feeling. Do. Not. do anything to mess that up.

10. People will continue to die. Never left the good things unsaid.

11. I learned the real truth to "Those who mind don't matter; and those who matter don't mind."

12. There's a good chance I'll never get roommates who clean. But I've come to peace by realizing that at least when I do it, it's done my way and it's done well.

13. I now understand why people stress over finals week. Cheeeeeers to actually doing college.

14. Second chances are okay. Even third's are reasonable sometimes. But never a fourth.

15. Most times in my life, I do not understand what direction I am headed in. But it's exciting and it's a thrill. And there's joy in the ride.

16. I had no idea just how important being LDS is to me.

17. Sometimes life is all dependent on the view. If you want to see the bad you will. If you want to see the good, you can find it no matter what your circumstances.

18. Saying goodbye really never does get any easier.

19. Being your real, true self really is the only way to go through life. Somebody might like the you that you portray yourself to be, but they might love the real you.

20. Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

21. Even your darkest and hardest day is only 24 hours...and then you can only go up from there.

22. I am more blessed than I realize on a day-to-day basis.

Life truly is amazing! And I can't wait to see what happens in year twenty-two!

bucket list check off-s

2011-10-06T19:09:00.002-06:00

I realized today that I have been able to cross quite a few things off of my never ending bucket list....

1. Storm the football field after a college game. I've come close to doing this in the past but never actually succeeded. The BYU/Utah State was one of the closest and most intense games I've been to in a while so it was perfect that the occasion would occur after that.

(even if one of the players did almost break my foot)

P.S. Props to Stewie for being one of the very first ones out there! Pretty sure he was already over the railing before the team even started to rush

2. Remember that song where in the chorus it sings "99 red balloons go high..." or something like that? For years I have always thought it would cool to actually send off 99 red balloons. The 10 year mark of September 11th was coming up and even though they don't connect, we still thought it would be cool to send 99 off "in memory" type thing. It was awesome! We had balloons all over our front room and kitchen and we were still getting high off of helium 4 days later.

We were not planning on it raining or getting dark so early but it was still cool!

3. True Wolverine night. Not quite yet a True Aggie (which remains on the list) but cool to say that I've done it for at least one school. And super proud that I talked Nicky into doing it too since she swore up and down that there was no way she would, yet by the end of the night....she too had a certificate!

4. Lower section for a session of conference. Pierie was gonna be in town and Michelle and I had decided that we'd go stand in standby lines just to see if we got tickets, no big deal. The night that we talked about this, Pier asked if we had any. Long story short: her dad got hookups from their old ward in Ohio. We were probably on the 20th row. It was incredible! Conference is always a cool enviroment but to be that close was definetly a change from being 10 rows from the very top. I honestly did not want this session to end, even though we were DYING trying to stay awake, I feel like I got so much out of it.

Some things that still remain:

sky dive

dance to "Sweet Home Alabama" in Alabama

roadtrip in a motor home

do all the hikes at Zions

Home Sweet Home

2011-10-02T23:49:00.004-06:00

As I've mentioned multiple times already, I have 16 credits and work full time. On top of those two things, I have a calendar in my room with "other things" not school related that looks something like this....

That's why I tend to live in the fast lane. Fast as in "15 minutes to get home and change and be somewhere else" or "I'll hurry and grab food and change in the car on the way" fast. I'm home maybe 6 hours a week where I'm actually awake. This can lead to making my room look like a tornado ran through it almost any day of the week. Which drives me crazy but what can ya do? And I continue to be "blessed" with roommates that do not know how to take out garbage, unload the dishwasher and have yet to find the vacuum so I'm assumed general house cleaning also. So today (sad that it was Sunday but it HAD to be done) I started laundry and starting cleaning. FOUR HOURS later I decided the house was now worthy to do blog pictures...

This is from standing in the front door. LOVE the red walls and love how large and open teh front room is. It somehow got cut out, but we have a nice TV to the right of this.

View from the other side of the room.

The kitchen kinda connects to the front room through a super short hallway. I know I don't cook, but I FELL IN LOVE with this kitchen! It is easily my favorite feature of the house. To the left of this is the door to the back yard but there's nothing out there worth showing. This is standing in my bathroom doorway and the base of the stairs. The basement is all Britt's and the other 3 of us live upstairs.

Awful picture but I love how open the stairway is.

Washer and dryer: LOVE having that maybe 20 feet from my door!

That other door at the base of my bed leads out to my own balcony. It's becoming a favorite to eat breakfast out there cause that faces where the sun comes up, reading or homework in the afternoon and sleeping on it or sitting there people watching by night. Yep, big fan of that!

All in all, I love it! The wall hangings still need some help though. Somebody told me once that they felt like my room has so much going on it. It really does! I love it though. A little bit of the rodeos, a little bit of the games, a touch of China, a bit of Hawaii, ceramics from the boys, pictures of everything in between. It makes the messy roommates totally worth it!

shoutouts 1,2 and 3

2011-09-27T20:19:00.003-06:00

2011 was one of the hardest and the greatest summers I've ever had

This picture was June 27th: the tip of the iceberg for rough times about to come my way. This is the day that it became official that I wasn't leaving in August. It was 2 hours past the first set of tears and about 2 minutes before the full breakdown. Starting June 27th I was kinda held together by band-aids and tape so to speak. I was a mess to say the least. I realized yesterday though that I had three great people that were ALWAYS there for me and while I was busy chasing the world away from me, these three were breaking down my walls and staying by my side.
Miss Jenn: she started as my roommate but over the last few months we got to be good friends. We nearly died going to a bonfire, went on many drives, made seven dozen (AMAZING) cookies and had a lot of talks. Jenn wrote me such a nice letter that I still have and was so great for somebody genuine to talk to. She always approached me out of concern, not curiosity. At least twice she just came and sat on my floor while I cried "so that [I] wouldn't be alone."
P. Mosh: Pier knew more of the background story than most so she was good for talking through some of it. She was never judgmental and always tried to be patient and understanding to whatever I needed. She always seemed to text me randomly and it was always just what I needed to hear. The day I would have gone in to the MTC she text me saying "I know today is probably rough for you. Know that I love you!" and it was enough.

J. Farns: God bless Jessica! Jess got mainly the wrath side of it all. Jess knows me better than I remember sometimes. She knows that the hardest things I try to deal with on my own so when I'd tell her I was "fine" she'd come over and try to talk through it some. After one particular blowup (again...my apolagies!) she backed off some but never failed to let me know that I was loved. Even though I hated it somedays, she gave me some tough love that I was greatly in need of.

I LOVE the people in my life!

And I am incredibly

lucky to have them there.

as of lately...

2011-09-27T01:08:00.002-06:00

Last night I got Lisa hooked on Grey's Anatomy. Yeahhhhhhhh!

My landlord text me today...our utilites for the month are $71 each. Yes feel free to read that over again because I had to re-read four times to believe it. seventy.one.each. That redefines ridiculous!

I wrote the missionarys for the week and feel great about it

For the second week in a row, I once again have FOUR essays due this week. But I turned one in today. check.

I made a list yesterday of some things I need the Lord to help me with and even by today I can feel a difference in a couple of them.

Had one of my little "brave" nights the other night and let one of the boys read the personal essay for my health class and proved myself wrong because I didn't regret it the next day like I thought I would. I love that feeling where you're able to look at a situation you had a hard time with and then realize you just have peace with it now. It's awesome!

Conversation with "the new boy" today:
J-I was looking through your facebook pictures and saw what looked like a mission call opening
Me: Ohhh. Yep.
J-So what was it?
Me: A mission call
J-Okay. Where was it too?
Me: California
..........................
(20 minutes of awkward silence)
Turns out that conversation still comes up and still isn't getting any easier. BUT on a brighter end: 2 weeks ago I felt almost sick the whole weekend because I knew hands down that I was supposed to tell the mission story to my institute class but I REALLY REALLY didn't want to. Long story short I did. I started off saying my mom and friends might be mad at me if they knew I was about to tell you this cause I don't talk to people about it....and bawled the whole way through. But those 2 boys that talked to me after and the one crying behind me? Totally made it worth it.

Sean hasn't had to back me out of the driveway for 2 weeks. We made cookies today to celebrate my driving improvements

I am taking 16 credits and working full time. Busy is how I feel on my calm days.

Today I get to check another thing off my bucket list: eat a whole pizza by myself. Yep! Took a blanket outside on the lawn to soak up the last of our warm days and before I knew it my hot n' ready was up and gone. Kinda gross to think about but secretly I've always wanted to do that.

Mt. Dew has successfully been cut from 9/day to 2/day and it feels amazing

I can't wait for Halloween! Starts off my favorite time of year. Decorating our house is most likely going to happen this week....

I read my scriptures again yesterday. I still don't know much about the stories in them or who did what or when such a such happened but I love that I feel good about myself and feel a little bit more self worth come back to me every time that I read them.

As much as I love meeting new people, I always appreciate my friends that already know where I went to high school and what I want to major in.

I'm getting my hair done again on Wednesday. 3 cheers for change!

J. Farns has been gone almost a week and I've only gone to text her four times. That my friends, is a definet improvement.

If I end this now and turn off my light I will be in bed before three for the first time in I don't even know how long. Have a terrific Tuesday! :)

phenominal Friday

2011-09-25T20:01:00.003-06:00

Last Friday was beyond insane. Thursday I took a "mental health day" and ditched class to get a ton of MUCH needed errands done. I got a huuuuuuge to-do list done and it felt great. Then I went to work for sixteen hours. I was getting off at 7am and at 730 am we were meeting at the Y trailhead to do a little early morning hiking. After that I went home and made breakfast and then booked it to 3 hours of class. Kezy and I took a quick roadtrip to Payson to see grandma at the hospital. 10 minute shower and 2 minutes on makeup and it was out the door with Michelle and Lorna to get food and meet up with the boys at the BYU game. GREAT game! Love that football season is in full swing. After the game it was time for letting alllll of Provo know who won, pizza and a great chat with Michelle. After 47 hours it was time for bed.

And it was awesome!

2011-09-21T21:34:00.003-06:00

1. Ericka 2. Julie 3. Brittany 4. Anna 5. Sara 6. Hannah 7. Shaylee 8. Adaiza 9. Kylee 10.Allie 11.Brie 12. Melissa 13. Corinne 14.Gemily 15. Lacy 16. Jenn...

Meet roommate #17! I was talking with a couple friends the other night and we realized that with me moving so much, I've already had a ton of roommates. This is Lisa and she's teh one I'm closest with in my house as of now. She's awesome! Roommates 18 (Stephanie) and 19 (Brittney) and house pictures coming soon! I've loving life and really loving the living situation!

goodbyes

2011-09-21T20:15:00.003-06:00

When I moved from Price to Provo in 8th grade, I said goodbye to my Helper friends and the way things were. College time came and I bawled and bawled saying goodbye to high school friends and moved down to St. George. All of the boys slowly started trickling out on missions and goodbyes were tearfully said to each of them. I had tears well up just outside of airport security when I said goodbye to my family for four months when I went to China. I felt soo empty saying goodbye to my China babies, knowing that I was never ever going to see them again. The little brother left to serve the Lord and guess what? I cried saying goodbye. Goodbyes are nothing new to me, but they just keep coming and they never get any easier.

J. Farns has been one of my best friends for the last eight years and for as long as I've known her, I've heard her talk about how she's going to go on a mission. Our whole friendship, Jess has always been awesome for me and I have no doubt that the Lord personally planted her in my life the way that he did. This last week her long awaited mission time came and once again: time to say goodbye rolled along with it.
Friday night we did our last girls night with her and it was awesome! Everybody is crazy busy and it's hard to make plans that work but for the ones that were able to make it, we had a blast. We celebrated in true pre-mish style by going to the BYU Football Devotional and when they sang Armies of Heleman Jess started to cry but leaned over and whispered that she had never been happier or more excited. Then we went to Mi Rancheritos (not the ghetto Beto's relative) for her last hurrah of Mexican food. We celebrated like it was her birthday and this guy wasn't our waiter but ate it all up anyways!

Comedy Sports was next on the agenda. I had never been before and it was HILARIOUS! If you have a chance to go, do it! We once again acted like it was her birthday so she could judge. We ended the night like soooo many others: on the couches of the attic of her house talking about anything and everything. It was delightful for me and Michelle to wake up (with Jess already downstairs as always haha) and go down to find fresh crepes made for us. YUM!

Saturday and Sunday were spent with our friends and the whole thing was just great. It's always fun to see everybody and we were all so happy and excited for her. I'm not sure who's gonna go on drives with me, listen to me ramble on and on and on about boys, calm me down on my crazy days, take me to the creamery for Kids Meals, heart attack the boys houses or sit me down and 'give it to me like it is' but I couldn't be happier for her! I know without a doubt that she is going to be an incredible misisonary.

"Who would be who if our group of friends were on 'FRIENDS'?"

Thanks for being the sister I wanted, the mom I sometimes needed and the friend that never left my side!

(no matter how much you may have wanted to)

"God be with you til' we meet again..."

2011-09-14T00:38:00.003-06:00

"I knew that you went to Timpview because I remember that you always said hi to me my Junior year..."

This kid made my day.
Note to self: you never know what kind of influence you're having whether for good or for bad on people.

confession

2011-09-08T18:05:00.004-06:00

I'm trying this new thing this semester where I'm fairly serious about school. Not missing, doing all the assignments...you know! Things that people typically do out of common sense. And not only do the stuff but be sincere about it. No sooner than I made this commitment, a professor gave us an assignment that almost made me quit immediatly. "Do your 'I will allow myself to...' assignment as private writing in a public way. Remember to look deep and really push yourself! Make it worth it. And yes...we're pulling these up in class Friday." So! Hello health and wellness class and the world...let's begin! ;)
This picture is of me and my sisters. Obviously. What you probably don't know though is that this Chantel is VASTLY different from 'present day' Chantel. This was before life happened to me. With 2 exceptions, I still thought that life was just peachy alllll the time. Exception 1 had been dealt with and exception 2 is still a work in progress but I was ignoring it then. This was when I believed everything that people said to me, no questions asked. I didn't yet know what it felt like to be truly hurt. And more painful than anything else, to be hurt by somebody close to me that I trusted 100%. I thought "heartbreak" was a ridiculous term but in 2 years I'd learn it the hard way; collapsed in my bathroom and throwing up. I had this grand idea in my mind what relationships were and the way my future husband (aka Prince Charming of course) would come into my life.

A little while after this, I learned a lot of lessons. Some the hard way and I fully acknowledge that I brought it upon myself. Somewhere along the way, I lost my image of marriage and love and thought very little of it. I hated it even. I buried my desires by telling myself that it was a lie and I didn't want it. I told myself hookups were easier. I decided to act out of "fun" more than anything else. As me and one of my best friends discussed yesterday, this is not only false, but it makes everything worse. Some of the hardest conversations are the ones where somebody thinks so highly of a guy, and I'm dying inside because I feel like they're awful because of the way that I let them treat me. "Friends with benefits" "make out buddies" "non-commital"....it's all a bunch of bull to be honest. But it's easier that way. That way you aren't expected to talk about the hard things. That way you don't have to put yourself out there. That way, you know without a doubt, that you will never hurt as bad as you did before.

But every so often I remember why the risk was worth it. How fun it was to feel like you had a constant best friend. A "go to" person. Somebody that could make you laugh and turn your whole day around and have that person not only be fun to kiss, but mean something to you. Sure, I can lie and tell myself that I never want to get married but I know it's a lie. And everytime I hold a baby I remember how my whole life, I've wanted nothing more than to be a mom. Yes, relationships can be awful. Yes, they can hurt you. But they can be some of the greatest things too. So, starting today I will allow myself to be loved again.

best.purchase.ever

2011-09-07T22:21:00.002-06:00

I LOVE me some Kenny Chesney. I LOVE some Billy Currington. LOVE Uncle Kracker. LOVE LOVE Luke Bryan. Freakin lovvvvvve Tim McGRAW! But something about these boys just make me all crazy like no other band/boy can do!

I'll give you one guess where I'll be Friday night....

BRING ON round #3

Cheers to the Bishop

2011-09-06T22:21:00.002-06:00

This is a GREAT guy! He was my Bishop this last year since January and talk about "being where you were for a reason." I was at that ward Sunday for probably the last time. It made me laugh at one point of the testimonies when one guy said he stayed at the complex to keep the Bishop because I ALMOST did the same thing and I know that's the only reason Troy is there now. He is amazing! I have seen lot of Bishop's but none that I've been able to get close to like Bishop Owen. He's a pyschologist so talk about the whole looking into your soul type of thing...he had it down! He's a great man that helped me through a lot and helped me come to peace with things that were years and years ago. The Lord really does hand pick the people that look out for us.

yes I creeped and got the picture off his facebook

mine is better...

2011-09-06T22:16:00.002-06:00

Why is my best friend better than yours?...

cause he goes to Applebees on karaoke nights

cause he doesn't get super mad when I bring soup in the Jeep

cause he randomly brings me Magelby's for breakfast

cause even though it'll frustrate him, he's never mad when I'm late

cause he doesn't know how to handle drama and freaks when some is thrown his way

cause everyone that meets him, instantly likes him

cause sometimes he'll say "No country" but let me play it anyways

cause he'll drive 3 hours to go to a wedding that he doesn't know

cause at the wedding he'll never complain and not get mad that I get caught up catching up

cause he'll talk to people even when he doesn't know anyone

cause even though he kinda hates pictures, he'll still take them

cause he talks me into doing things I know are good

cause Tanner is the besssssst

twinners!

2011-08-25T00:12:00.003-06:00

The other night, one of my friends that had just gotten home from a mission was going through some pictures with me, hearing more stories than he wanted to I'm sure. (Beware of asking what somebody has been up to for the last 2 years) At one point, we were pretty much rolling on the floor at some of my "twin" pictures I have with people...and non-people

It seems like the longer we stared at this, the funnier it got and the more and more resemblance we saw

wedding re-cap

2011-08-24T04:51:00.004-06:00

Wow I have been to a lot of weddings lately! (meaning receptions) I know that a lot of times I joke about how there's so many or what a pain it can be to go to them, but let's be honest: they're pretty great! I secretly love them a lot a lot! The dress, the rings, the cake, the emotions, the friends...all of it is so excited to me! With each of these last weddings, there were at least a few tears shed at each of them. I can't even tell you how happy I am for my girls that they got such great guys that match them perfectly!

Brooke here, has the cutest engagement story I have ever heard! So I'm posting that in honor of the love theme but know that my version might be slightly off and the way she tells it is SO much cuter! The essence of it is that they were at the lake to do a bonfire and it was still just the two of them down there. He was unloading the truck and came back over to her with a yellow rose. She wasn't expecting anything because he'd given her the "your ring still isn't ready for a week" speech. When he took it over to her, he started talking in third person. He told her how when he went to buy it that day, the saleslady asked what it was for and he said hopefully his fiance, he was wanting to propose that night. The lady launched into a speech about how yellow roses are for friends and so he needed a red one to make it romantic. He laughed and said that the yellow was perfect because he was giving it to his very best friend.

U put the U in Undateable

2011-08-23T23:54:00.003-06:00

Adaiza sent me a text that had me laughing way hard today: "So a couple of hours ago I saw that guy that kept asking you out that was in your institute class haha the one that got you back stage with colbie....." I've had some extrememly interesting dating experiences!

The boy that took me for ice cream and talked about his ex...the WHOLE time. And then called her walking back to the car, to see how her job interview had gone. The scum that ended up being married and I worked with his sister-in-law. The fellow that sat in his truck outside my apartment while me, Adaiza and Shay drove around for 2 1/2 hours waiting for him to leave. The piece of work that told me I could lose some weight. The joke that took me to a movie, got up in the middle, went to the row in front of us and laid down. And text me that I should come join him. The grin that purposed with fireworks going off for summer games. The cheapo that made me buy my own dinner. The voice-sound-alike that made me snort all night trying to laugh that I was talking to Napolean Dynamite. The cocky little guy that took me to a haunted house and got mad that I wrinkled his shirt when the chain saw guy jumped out. The wreck that rear ended a car on the way to the movie and we had to walk to his moms. Where we hung out...for almost two hours. Trust me, I could go on!

However, none of these winning males even COMPARE to ol' "J"...what a character this boy is! He sat by me on the first day and told me that he wished he had a date night open for me cause he knew "a few great movies that had to be about to hit redbox." The next week Colbie Cailat was coming to town. He asked me to be his date, I told him I already had tickets with friends, he insisted he could get us backstage to meet her after because he was doing security for it.

The whole concert he sat there texting me what song would be next, asking what other singers I like, how cute we looked dancing along, seeing if we were having fun, that he could hear us yelling and calling to see if I was feeling any better because I was super sick that whole week. I was trying really hard to stay patient but if you know me at all, you know this isn't exactly my kind of guy...

We had gone to lunch the day before the concert as a "thank you" type of thing. I was sick, we were both busy so he deemed it an appropriate gesture and that after that he'd feel okay to get me back stage. As I went to leave and meet up with my friends again for our sleepover (4 of which from out of town), estatic to tell them the story, "J" jumps in front me and asks what I'm doing now because he's got some family stuff he could use some help with. I tried to stay polite but may or may not have lost patience at that point when he literally wouldn't move his arm from in front of me. He let me by with a "Well you owe me then." I thought nothing of it.

The next week, I was at work and my phone goes off with a text from none other than "J". He apparently picked up on my feelings to him because he no longer asked, but insisted that I go to the temple with him for our first date that coming Saturday. Looooooong story short, he blew up on me after I repeatedly insisted that I couldn't and left me alone after informing me that he was shocked and disappointed that I'd put work before the temple.

To make and even longer story short, for the next month I had great run-ins with him. It got to the point where I switched my class. My second day at a different one, he walked down the hallway and just HAPPENED to glance in the door. My heart dropped and I honestly thought I'd crapped my pants. He came and sat by me, turned his chair to face me and just stared at me. After 20 minutes of me not turning my head towards him, he finally huffed and left. And text me immediatly after....

J informed me that he wasn't pleased with my behavior lately. That he was sorry that he left but he had other things to do today. How he was glad that my salvation wasn't as far off as I had implied it to be. He wrapped the glorious thing up with how he hoped "that one day I would find a man on my own level that will be content with my faults and love me anyways."

What a keeper, right?!

(I can easily say this is the most stressful picture I've ever gotten)

DSC visits

2011-08-22T13:38:00.006-06:00

Right now I'm in the library. Weird right? Even weirder fact is that I'm at the DSC library. Dixie State College...I didn't even go here when I was a student! BUT when you come to visit and your last day is their first day, there are compromises to make ;)

So many memories being back down here! Like, INSANE! Especially since it's the first day of fall 2011 semester and it was just 3 years ago that I had just moved down here and had no idea where my life was about to go. Good freakin times! Every where I go in this town, we have memories there! So so so much happened and I grew and changed and fell in love and had my heart broken and nearly lived and should have died and went through an incredible number of "firsts" that St. George will always have a little place in my heart, even with how much it's changed everytime I come back. I learned a new way of living down here.

It's time to get a Mt. Dew, meet up with Pier and go visit our buddy Jared before we hit the lake. I don't want to go home back to real life, and I always have a hard time leaving St. George anyways. But ALWAYS fun to come back!

and yes I flipped off the fountain on my way past it! That's one St. George day I don't care to re-live....

see you in 24 Provo! (and yes I was in the library a whole 15 minutes and didn't get kicked out! A Dixie State first for me)

literally a LOL

2011-08-17T03:50:00.003-06:00

Remember this joyous night?!

H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S.

Long story short? We were dressed up like this (it was a GREAT idea at the time) and went running around dear ol' St. Geezy.

When we left the basketball courts, a guy may or may not have broken his ankle. And his team may or may not have talked to us, ignoring their buddy laying on the court in pain.

Here's to hoping that I get some fun/crazy/slightly mental but MEMORABLE roommates again! It has been far too long since these awesome days!

a few thoughts

2011-08-17T03:11:00.004-06:00

I have five weddings within one week. Five.

I have officially been back in Provo for over one year. Crazzzzzy! My atttitude towards living back in "Cougartown" has flipped almost a total 180, in a positive way.

I think it's safe to say that I've grown up quite a bit in the last year since returning to the 801. For example...I have a check book, I occasionally enjoy a good sandwich and if you catch me on the right night I just might have a "This is how I feel..." talk with you. I know, look out! Baby steps. Baby steps.

Dear Provo People...I'm super sad for you that you have so much down time and get bored enough to the point where talking about my personal life becomes your priority! Instead of talking about why I may or may not be going on a mission might I give you some recommendations? Hike the Y, Stewart Falls, Bridal Veil Falls or even Timp. Go to 7 Peaks. Run through your sprinklers. Have a movie marathon. Live on the edge and wear a bikini to a BYU pool. Register for classes. Lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling. Anything! However, should you insist to continue to talk and give your opinions on my life, please take some extra time to make sure your texts are going to the right people.

Jake: I thought you just went to a wedding....

Me: I did. I go to a lot of them! I don't mind though cause I actually love weddings!

Jake: So when are you gonna have yours?

Me: I like weddings, I don't like marriages.

Tuesday=Law and Order SVU Marathon days. Never fail. I can honestly say that I look forward to this every single week and as die hard as I am for always going and being outside and doing stuff..you better believe that when Tuesday comes around, I'm on the couch in pajamas watching Elliot rough somebody up. Probably for 7 hours...

"I do NOT understand! How the ____ do you live in China for four months but you've never gone to a freakin garage sale?!" I laughed at this much harder than I should have.

I have been fortunate enought to have seen more people in concert this summer alone, than most people will in their lifetime.

Tanner/Channy vs. Ceej/Jon in volleyball? We dominated that game.

We floated the river last week. Let's be honest...I was a little nervous! I'd heard tons of horror stories as it was but throw in a fast moving river that's 100% full. Good news: we all lived. And we were CRACKING UP the whole way down.

When I was just 14, Julie Cornwell played a song for us that her brother wrote right before he went on his mission. It's adorable! He's essentially talking to his future wife, having no idea who she is but how he already loves her so much. I've had the CD for years but this week it's been on constant repeat in my car. If you've ridden with me for over 2 minutes, you've probably heard at least part of it. Or if you're Jess/Jon/Kirk you've probably had to circle the block with me while it finished playing...

The other night I helped Zach, Daniel (not to be mistaken with the other roommate Danny) and Adam move a coffee table down the road. Literally...everybody grabbed a corner and we walked down the middle of the road.

When I was at Wal-Mart the other night I saw that m&m's were on sale. $1.50 for a huge bag that's usually around $4.00 so naturally I bought nine. Not even a nice number like five or ten....NINE big bags of peanut butter m&ms.

Remember how I ate out so much in St. George (and it's a small town) that the guys at Panda Express and Cafe Rio knew my name/face/car/health conditions/major? Well...let's add the Provo Les Schwab guys to the list. So. help.me. if i have to buy any more tires!

Great news! Only THREE more hours until my dear little graveyard shift is over. Sad thing is there's a good chance I'll take a quick 2 hour nap and get back up. Hike the Y, float the river, bike ride in the canyon, laundry, pack....who has time to sleep.

I'm house sitting this week.

I still mess words up sometimes when I'm tired or super stressed or not paying attention or sometimes just because. A really funny one the other day was "For all makes and models...." "Don't you mean like intents and purposes?" ooops.

I am obsessed with change lately! Outfits, furniture arrangements, blog style, blog title, blog picture, perfume arrangement (???), nail color, toe nail color, apartment location and hair.

For lack of finding my "before" picture, this is essentially what my hair looked like in May...
...as of yesterday this is what it now looks like.
-7 inches, +some purple/red and a darker brown.
and I love it!

my China dears

2011-08-11T03:38:00.003-06:00

August 13th and August 19th are big days. The 13th, Rachel Holt is marrying Mr. Utterback in the (Salt Lake?) temple for time and all eternity and on the 19th it'll be Miss Shelley Henricksen a the Mt. Timpanogas Temple marrying Landon Cook. I love both of these girls SO much! The irony in Shelley's date is that it's 2 years EXACTLY from when we left for China, which I where I met both Rachel and Shelley.

I can't even explain to you what kinds of times I've had with these girls! Rachel was the first one that was a facebook add and we chatted for about an hour, 4 hours before we were flying out. When I actually got to the airport and was waiting to check my bags, Shelley and I got talking and realized that we were going to the same city. We've had cake fights and dance parties and shopping trips and sight seeing. Tears and laughs. We partied with philipilno rock stars in Beijing. We rode trains for over 52 hours at a time. We did house visits. We tried to choose tea from juice. We named kids and talked about friends at home. We made music videos and bed dances and lived through one of the craziest experiences that any of us have ever gone through.

(literally 10 minutes after meeting Shelley and about to go through security)

I couldn't be happier for both of you! After all of our "board talks" and what we wanted in guys and husbands and what's really important, I'm so excited that both of you are ending up with awesome guys that are worthy of you. And can't wait to get to be a part of your big day :)

real life Grey's

2011-08-11T03:01:00.006-06:00

A few weeks ago, I got into a fairly intense arguement with one of my friends who insists that he hates the show Grey's Anatomy for the mere fact that: "People in medical jobs are too high stress to actually be friends like that! That's too fake..." Realizing (while at work on the graveyard) that today is exactly 1 year since working at Beehive, I couldn't disagree more. I had some great "work friends" in St. George too but here's a few of the Provo people that are more than just work buddies.

Brian...definetly not a friend actually but always good for a laugh! Stole narcotics and tried to blame it on others, fell asleep with the door propped open and my personal favorite...flooded the laundry room. Dear Brian, I wish you the best with "life" but do. not. miss.you.
So so so so so happy that the morning shift kicked their note writing habit.

Dearest Cherish! She was a blast to work with which was good because we worked together a LOT! We mainly bonded over boys. She was dating a douche bag and I've had my fair share of them so we loved to laugh over our stories. We were both in school and at about the same point, so it was good to have somebody on my level in that area.

Homegirl moved back to Nevada a few months ago but I still miss her

Lindsay Grimm! The friend that I do the most "activites" with outside of work. We have the same adventurous spirit and on snowy days in January and February we'd get super excited and make elaborate plans for all the fun things we'd do in the summer! Check. Moab, Causey, Kenny Chesney, Tim McGraw...MANY good times with Linds! We also were the movie junkies.

Freakin Hil-Bug! SO much fun to work with, as the picture above so clearly demonstrates. We could turn anything into a laugh and a good time. Including the night I forgot about biscuits in the oven, burnt them, tossed one at her jokingly and she grabs 4 with a war cry and chases me into a residents room while chucking them at me. Or when she sprayed me with the hose. Or when we did ballet in the front room. Or when we explored the attic. Yes, it took us 40 minutes just to get the stairs down but we did it. Or when we tried to teach room 2 Marco/Polo. working with her was the best on bad days cause she easily made them better!

(Or the day she thought she threw a tube of eye drops away) hahaha

Ol' Kim! My sister trained me, but Kim was the first "real" employee I met here.

Kim is easily one of my very good friends. And she'll try to deny it but I'm her bestie! Kim is awesome and has been such a blessing in my life. We've talked about ironic wedding situations, calls to stake presidents, body functions, she's helped diagnose me, we've cried in the laundry room and the hallways and the dining room and the kitchen and the office. Kim's the first person I ever told that I was going on a mission and she was there when I opened my call. She helped me find STUPID Los Hermanos in Lindon even though it took 17 phone calls and she even saved me a seat and ordered for me. Kim is great for giving me perspective. Kim is motivated and one of the most focused and hard working people I know.

Ty I don't have pictures of, but he's AWESOME! One of our residents put it best when she said that we were like a really funny brother and sister. Ty is so easy going and mellow, which is a definete plus in a job that can bring nothing but crazy and chaos. Ty is a hard worker and he's honest. Ty is hilarious! Not as much as he thinks he is, but he is pretty funny. Like Kim, he always asks about life and when I say a name, he makes the connection. Ty is great at giving advice and the male perspective to my life which I have needed.

Long story short...I freakin love my job and the people I have been able to work with!

crazy.stupid.love

2011-08-10T02:08:00.002-06:00

If you haven't seen this movie yet, it's a must! (You'll be proud to know that neither Brit or myself shed a single tear). There's one part in there where Steve Carroll is talking to his 13 year-old son. The boy is a romantic but had his heart broken so he's spouting off a bunch of negative things that Steve knows he doesn't believe so he calls him out on it. It made me think of what I would say to my own 13 year-old self, knowing what I know now....

"i should have fought for you"

I think I'd tell her she doesn't date as much as she thought she would in high school, but she has a blast anyways and doesn't regret a minute of it. I'd warn her that she has a terrible night with somebody she should have trusted that scars her for many years. But she'd be happy to know that she uses it for good later. I'd tell her to always keep thinking things are "cute" even when her friends laugh about it. I'd relieve her favorite date to her over and over and over again. Beaming, every single time. I wouldn't tell her how to kiss, but tell her that she laughs trying to learn. I'd tell her she gets to know some amazing people! She doesn't know that some of them turn out to be not-so-great as we thought they were, but that we learn a lot about life and ourself through them, so they're important anyways. I'd tell her to be grateful everyday that her parents never let her grow up too fast. I'd sit and cry with her on the bathroom of her apartment, the night of her first honest heart break. I'd even hold her hair when she starts to throw up. She'd laugh when I tell her about her first kiss. Really really laugh.

I'd tell her that she has a few too many sad wake up calls that life isn't a fairytale, but that she loves it all the same. I don't think she'd be too surprised to hear that she has trust issues. She'd be glad to know that once people are in, they're in! And that they probably mean the world to her. I'd tell her that she'll doubt it for a while, but she still wants to be a wife and mom more than anything in the world. She still believes in true love. She has crazy, sappy day dreams sometimes about finding a boy that sends her flowers and comes over to surprise her when he knows she's having a bad day. She still hopes for a boy that opens her door and call sher for no reason at all. She'll laugh when she tears up when a boy calls her beautfiul instead of 'hot' or 'sexy'. She'll still believe in the boy that makes her laugh and loves to travel. The boy that likes to take walks but still go for drives.

Dont' worry 13 year-old Chantel...life has some crazy curveballs headed your way and even though there are MANY times you don't believe it, you'll realize one day that you still believe in that Crazy, Stupid, LOVE

a few funny stories

2011-08-03T21:42:00.003-06:00

Despite all of my apparently depressed posts lately, life really has been great overall! To say that I've been busy would be a huuuuuge understatement. I don't even remember the days where I was home longer than 20 minutes or slept more than 4 hours a night. I was printing out some pictures tonight and found a few that made me laugh and sum of "life as of late" a little bit....

I went to leave work one night and it was DOWNPOURING rain! I found this little guy cuddled up under my car, whimpering like crazy. Naturally....I couldn't leave him there so he got to come have a sleepover for the night.
Saw a new temple that I think is GORGEOUS! And now get to cross Washington off of my "states to visit list."

Kodiak, is a massive dog that I'm sometime scared of. But I was scared FOR HIM this night when we lit off aerial fireworks and he felt the need to charge them.

Lenzie and I went hiking in AF canyon which was an adventure on it's own. We were not only in a 4-wheel drive vehicle, but in her little Ford Focus. As you can see...we not only had a hilarious drive and relaxing walk around the lake, but caught 4 fish.

Yogurtland....a great new favorite :)

Boating for Andy (or Andel?)'s birthday! It was great fun....for what I remember of it.

Not a funny story...but said goodbye to this girl. Tonight is a night where I tried to call her and it made me miss her lots. Take care of her for us Czech Republic!

I not only hiked the Y, but hiked it alone. Right as I was about to turn around, I came around the corner and tehre it was! With everything that's going on in life right now, a million and one analogies were running through my mind and it made it that much better that I didn't quit. I'm still obsessed with how green Utah is this year.

SUPER last minute trip to not only see Harry Potter P.2 but we got to see it with no lines, and at 8:30....before the midnight showing! It was SO much fun to walk out and see how excited everybody about to go in for the midnight showing was. And all of the CRAZY CREATIVE costumes out there!

Rodeos have definetly been a BIG part of this summer! This night was a night that I was mature and was able to truly see past being hurt and move on. It was awesome.

Like I said...rodeos have been a huge part!

(My friend called me and my sister rodeo whores after our latest one...it made me laugh!)

power of music

2011-07-30T13:21:00.002-06:00

July 10th there was a mix up at work that made me and another girl double scheduled. Essentially we had 4 girls when only 2 had to be there. I was quick enough to be the first to dibs going home. I was having a crazy week (nothing unusual) and the last place I wanted to be was work. I decided to run by my mom's for dinner and on the way there I got a text about Sherrie Dew speaking for our stake relief society that night. As much as I wanted to just hit the sweats and couch with finally a night off, I booked it back to my apartment to change after dinner, picked up my mom and sister and headed to the church.

You know those times where after you leave, you understand why you were supposed to go? This was one of those times. I'd kept walls up all day and even that night but at the end there was a musical number that melted my insides, so to speak. Beautiful song+emotions on edge+violin playing along made for a small melt down. I stepped out into the hall and half listened to it, half tried to regain composure. I looked it up after I got home though and I love it! I strongly reccomend you take a listen. I don't know how to upload the video on this so if it doesn't work check "Daughter of a King" on youtube.

http://youtu.be/fUSIZ_EjLm8

Jenn Youd

2011-07-19T01:42:00.002-06:00

It has become apparent to me very quickly why Jenn came into my life when she did. Like others, she is one of my roommates that has blessed my life and made an impact on me. I love this girl! She's been there for me through all of my chaos this last little while and I doubt she knows how needed and appreciated it was. When I couldn't stop crying and nobody knew what to say, she just came and sat on my floor so I wasn't alone. She didn't feed me the "it'll get better" "for the best" "I'm so sorry" stuff that she knew I didn't want to hear, she was just there. She's somebody that's been in similar situations as me. She's somebody easy to talk to. She's somebody I trust. She's somebody that I am incredibly grateful for :)

Elder Olsen

2011-07-19T01:22:00.003-06:00

Remember this boy?

He's still doing a great job on his mission! I love to hear from him and it's obviously a given that our whole family is anxious for mom to forward his emails on to us each Monday afternoon. The last few weeks I've been lucky enought to get fairly longer, personal emails from him and it has me missing him pretty bad!

I can't believe how grown up he is! (And DARK!) It's amazing to me that he's only been gone since January because already you can hear how he's changed and grown up and had great experiences I'm sure! It's exciting to think of just how far he'll go by the time he comes home.

He's admitted several times that he is more like his sisters than he thought with his sudden love in taking pictures! And even requested that we need to send more..."this is a one way road and i feel like it shouldn't be."

I found myself at USANA last week and it brought back a lot of memories from when the two of us went to Mr. Tim McGraw last year. With some instances since there, I hear his voice in my head occasionaly and just laugh. "Your mom!" "Are you kidding me?!" and whenever I'm on UVU campus I literally laugh out loud sometimes thinking of all his "guy chats" he gave me and advice on how to develope a "gay-dar" and to keep the jerks away.

But even with missing him lately, I couldn't be more proud or happy for him! I know that he's being blessed in countless ways. He never ceases to amaze me. The last two weeks he's had me in tears with some of the things he says (not like that's been hard) and I've been reminded how even though I'm older, I'm so grateful for his amazing example and the incredible person that he is! I think in most ways, he really is the older sibling and I'm happy I have someone so great to look up to! Love him to death and I'm glad he reminded me that "at least now we'll still get to talk at Christmas"

graveyard

2011-07-19T00:04:00.003-06:00

I'm pretty stoked to say that depression stage is officially over :) Halle-freakin-lujah! (Or however you spell it) Tough tough tough times there for awhile but I think it's safe to say that the worst is over for now. I realized this week that there's a lot of things I LOVE that I'd kinda forgotten about in my self-pity, wallowing phase of the summer. I had a couple REALLY good wake up calls that were good for getting my life back on track a little bit and me back to being me.

These are a few of my favorite things:

back rubs

sunsets

hiking (especially by myself)

new music on itunes

driving really fast

being inside wearing sweats during the rain

Tanner bringing over Magelby's breakfast

concerts

cowboys at the rodeos

dressing up

reading conference talks

laughing so hard I spit my frosty everywhere

funny texts

random road trip with Drew

almost all the missionary's coming home

watching my friends do well

Mt. Dew never fails me

boating with the Logan Ladies

waking up and being so comfortable I don't move

sunglasses and windows down

Jaxon when he laughs really hard

I have a TON to catch up on with everything that's happened lately. Life is moving faster than ever before and it's nearly impossible to stay caught up on everything. Right now I'm just taking everything in the best I can and am working at getting back on track in life. For now...life is good :)

for those who have asked....

2011-07-06T14:25:00.003-06:00

I found a really good quote from (my favorite) Elder Holland. It pretty much sums up my life right now...

If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort.

If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope.

If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened.

If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended.

I still cry almost everyday. I tune out for at least 80% of what people say when they talk to me, cause it's impossible to focus on anything. I'm caught in an awful limbo between not wanting to see anybody but not wanting to be alone. I blast music and sing ALL the time to try and drown out the voices in my head. I wish I could pay somebody to turn my mind off at night. And even during the day. I'm sick of people asking what I'm going to do next. "Try to find the second best option for life? Yeah..I'll probably do that."

I know I'll be back to myself eventually. Depressed right now? Yep. But sometimes that's just a part of life. I feel 90x better than I did a week ago so it's just kinda a waiting game.

Turns out chopping my hair off didn't help me feel much better either...

Briezy B

2011-06-23T19:43:00.006-06:00

"comfort" "empathy" "understanding" "friend" "genuine" "sincere"

These words have changed a lot to me over the years. Some days I hate facebook and blogging with a passion. I hate that somebody doesn't even have to have a conversation with you, or even see you and yet they can still know what's going on in your life. Good thing we have status updates and pictures...I won't ever have to plan a reunion because everything I need to know from somebody I can find by hanging around their page for an hour and be set to go. No conversation needed.

And yet we continue to do it. Because sometimes no matter how pathetic or lame it is, it's nice to know that at least somebody has an idea of what's going on for us. Whether we're frustrated and annoyed or not...sometimes that's enough.

I had an "accidental" run-in with this girl this week. Just what I needed! This time last year we were living together in Geezy and having so much fun! I love Brie with all my heart. We were hands down supposed to live with each other and I'm so happy she came into my life the time/way that she did. She redefined all of these words for me. You know those people that you think back on and know they were a "turning point" for you? Brie Gutzman was easily one of them.

Thanks for still listening and making me feel better! And for caring because you care..not because you heard or saw something or wanted to be on the "in".

"You da you da BEST!"

Dear ol' Dad

2011-06-21T11:39:00.004-06:00

For all the things you said and did that made me such a lucky kid..

the working hard..the taking care...for being strong and being there.

For all the things that helped me grow: the staying close, the letting go..

the honesty and humor too..for being real and being you.

For all your love, the gifts you give, the man you are, the life you live.

For all these things and so much more, you're the dad I'm thankful for!

I'm thankful for all those lessons of "tough love" in high school. I'm thankful that you always made it to EVERY one of my basketball and volleyball games, even when you had to leave work early. I'm thankful for you teaching me how to drive stick and shoot a basket. I'm thankful that you're a worthy priesthood holder and have been on hand for blessings my whole life. I'm thankful I grew up watching you help with dishes and diapers. I'm thankful for those times you made me grow up slowly. I'm thankful for those very very rare times we see you cry. I'm thankful for you demanding I have high standards, even when I wasn't too interested in it. I'm thankful for that day I called you in St. George and you just listened and let me cry. I'm thankful for that little chuckle and brings perspective back to my "freakouts." I'm thankful for those nights I'd sleep better just knowing that you were home from a business trip, feeling so safe again. I'm thankful for you teaching me the true meaning of hard work. I'm thankful for you raising my brothers to be such great boys! I'm thankful that you've taught me by example how to get through hard times. I'm thankful that you taught me you need to roll with the punches. I'm thankful that you taught me the true meaning of faith. I'm thankful that you have never given up on me and have always made me feel loved.

I LOVE YOU DAD!

happy fathers day

best.roomie.ever

2011-06-06T14:57:00.008-06:00

Ericka Shantel Ahleen
She was my first roommate
Ever.
She was my first friend in St. George
She changed my life
She took me into her family and let me become one of them
I was there for Sunday dinners, Easter and randomly in the middle of the night
I was always invited to birthday dinners

I took my first trip to Mesquite with her
She won a free bingo game and stamps
I bowled
And met the China man

She woke me up for class
Every. morning.
Even when I tried really hard to pretend to be asleep

She laughed when she came home and I was still watching TV in the front room
Most likely Grey's or Law and Order

She knew when I got depression and was right there for me
Even though at that point we were still "just roommates"

She was always down to do random and funny things with me
Even if she did leave me in the window alone when our boys walked by...

She let me borrow her laptop every day before I had my own

She took me camping and introduced me to her friends
And then WE became friends

We stayed up laughing alllll night, multiple times a week

She was always nice to people
(Minus the 3 weeks we ding-dong ditched the paranoid girls that lived above us)
But oh so worth it!

She helped me ease from "I miss high school and my friends" to "WOW college can be way fun and make new friends"
Including but now limited to Jonathon Sherman Tate
"Okay...you can just call me Channy!"

She ran to the side of my slow walk when we went to spanish
And didn't get mad when I slept in and she had to work with creeper boy

She's always been my partner in crime and by my side for everything

She's open to trying new things and keeps an open mind in general in life

Life with Er consisted of many water fights, wrestling matches, food fights and hot tub runs

We lived life how we wanted
We had fun
We didn't sweat the small stuff

Baby Mama, Just Friends, House Bunny
Always classics

We built forts and burnt wishes
And somehow didn't burn our apartment down

We had the BEST night of my whole life with Dare Night
D2 trumps E2
Always.

California with Mr. Rodgers and the Mutes
and hell on earth with the Jazz jersey in a Lakers bed

Countless bonfires
No one ever caught on fire
And lots of "sex with Dex" ;)
Easy access
Clifford killings

It just needs to be said again...
D2 TRUMPS E2

Crying saying goodbye for China
Crying while we sat on my bed
Crying when she got engagd
Crying when parents had stuff come up
Crying as life threw curves
Crying when life changed

Burnt pizza roles
2 blow dryers to get ready faster
Cheryl
Kum-By-Ya
Forbidden footage
Kidnappings at Wal-Mart
Ster Bear
Er Bear
CRAZY CRAZY Britt ;)
Cruisin in Vicky or Mafia Mobile

Er and I had SO much fun! And I know without a doubt that she was supposed to come into my life right as she did. For as much fun as we had, we had a lot of rough times too and she helped me through PILES of stuff. I will never be able to thank her enough for that.
Dear Er: I know you have a lot going on and probably one of the hardest trials so far, but know that I love you to death and you aren't alone in any of this. Thanks for being one of my best friends and changing my life the way that you have. Long live CHER!

graveyard gambles

2011-05-22T02:54:00.005-06:00

Tonight is my second night in a row working a graveyard. In fact, today was a 16 hour shift.

Not exactly my favorite thing.

But I like to get a lot done and noc's are perfect for that.

Tonight: watched 4 episodes of "How I Met Your Mother", changed 7 people, painted toe nails, wrote in my journal, swept and mopped dining room and kitchen, deep cleaned the kitchen (down to the freakin toaster), 2 loads of laundry and started cooking for tomorrow.

And that's just since 11 pm.

No matter what I'm doing though, I hear her coughing and crying out.

Tonight is one of those nights where I have a hard time with death. A really rough time. I feel guilty for trying to avoid her son because I find myself nearly tearing up whenever he starts talking. It's 3 am and he's still here walking the halls; pacing and crying, pacing and crying, pacing and crying. He looks at me with empty eyes that are completly helpless. I say words like morphine, haldol, lorazapam and he just looks down rubbing his neck, and shaking his head. "Whatever you feel is best..." "What would you do?" "Just do what you think...." "I don't understand.." I feel like there is something slightly morbid about a twenty-one year old trying to decide how much medication to give a woman while she dies.

I think of Room 15. I think of how hard it was when he died. I remember breaking the cardinal rule and breaking down in front of his family. Telling him goodbye after his blessing of release. I remember the days where we sat and talked and he seemed to be fairly with it. I faintly ignored him and laughed when he talked about the guy I deserve and how I should never settle. I remember coming back the next day and finding EVERYTHING out of his room already gone. And crying again.

My least favorite day of my life was the first time I found a resident dead in her bed. It got that much worse when having to call the daughter and inform her that her mom had just passed away. "What do I say? How do I start that conversation?" She answered super cheerfully and I just went silent. She knew. I sat there speechless while she sobbed on the other end, asking what to do next.

The night my favorite got put into bed for the last time, was the last time she was lucid. Hillarie came in and we sat on the floor laughing at everything she said for almost an hour. Suddenly "the favorite" starting crying and driving the importance to make sure her family understood how proud she was. She couldn't stop telling us how much she loved them. When I handed her tissues she grabbed my hand and said "Make sure you tell them. Make sure they know I love them. You need to promise me Miss!" 13 hours later I found myself surrounded in the hallway telling 4 children and in-laws the conversation from the night before. 2 days later I got a call and shortly after found myself at work, doing post-mordem care.

Even when you know it's someone's time to go, it doesn't get easier.

For awhile it helps comfort you.

Whether it's hours, months, years, days or weeks...

You hear yourself talking about how good it'll be for them to finally be happy and peaceful.

But then that day comes and all of a sudden you don't care about what's best for them anymore.

You just miss them.

down that red dirt road

2011-05-21T00:46:00.008-06:00

I am an incredibly deep sleeper. I sleep through EVERYTHING! When I was little, I had this best friend that used to not sleep at night because she was so worried that since I slept so deep, she wouldn't be able to get me out of the house if it caught on fire....

...18 years later, she's still my best friend..... ...there's not a day in my life, that she hasn't cared about ^^this crazy girl!

Brittany has always taken care of me! But especially when I first moved out. I was only 18 and was moving 300 miles away by myself but she had moved 215 miles away from Provo, making her a quick 30 minute drive away from my new home.

Although Jess helped me move my stuff, Britt drove me down to St. George (as seen above) when I officially moved there. But even 2 weeks before that, she let me, Nique, Vaughan, Meeks and Dewey stay at her house while 3 of us had orientation at Dixie. That night we ditched the boys and went on a drive through some of Cedar's dirt roads and outskirts and for the first time, I was able to completly open up about how weird it all felt, how scared I was and how I didn't know what to expect and how things were already changing with high school friends. We drove and blasted music and got McFlurry's and she made me feel so much better about such a life change.

That October, I was slightly depressed (or a lot) and was having a hard time so she offered to let me come and crash Halloween with her and her friends/roommates. And she picked me up. And she helped me with my costume. And she bought my ticket to the HOWL. And she helped me get ready. And she bought me dinner. And she let me stay at her house for two nights. And she once again made me feel better.

Spend even twenty minutes with Brittany and you'll know that fast that she is easily one of the most caring and loving people you will ever meet. She's incredibly genuine about it too!

Britt always takes the time to consider how things are going to make somebody feel or how it will affect them. She isn't selfish enough to ever just do something, knowing that it would have a negative affect for somebody else.

Last January, she started clinicals down in St. George on a regular basis. This meant that she would now be spending Sunday and Monday nights with me at my apartment. (Typically on the floor-what a trooper!) It was a blast! After being in China the previous fall, it was fun to be so close again and get to hang out on a fairly regular basis. Especially because for a couple months there, I had a lot going on and she was 1/4 of my only friends. (good times lol)

She remained there for me even after "hell month". When she came down she was typically freaking out about work loads, tests, clinicals and all the other crap that goes along with such a "prestigous and tedious program." Brittany has a way of stressing that I just don't understand. I slept through half of my ACT! So me being the happy-go-lucky, carefree twin, would insist that she leave her stuff until later and we go get dinner, go hot tubbing, shopping (matching sandals from Wal-Mart that we both STILL have over a year later!), basketball games...etc.

We had some great adventures down south! One night she stayed up waiting for me while I drove 12 mph through a white out blizzard. She came and picked me up (again) to drive to Beaver to meet my dad for my car. We drove home together multiple times. She freaked out when I once accidentally turned off the headlights on the freeway. And let's not forget that Wendy's in Filmore.... ???

Brittany put up with a lot at the end of her great college days. Like getting stuck with the bill at our moderatly pricey "birthday dinner"^^^ but she has definetly come a long ways! I can say without a doubt just from the papers and packets and books and tears and early mornings and days in the library and driving from Cedar to St. George twice a week and ridiculous facts to memorize and hard days and tough clinicals that I have been a part of, she has earned where she is now!

CONGRATULATIONS TWIN! You truly are my best friend and I can not think of my own college life, without thinking about you! Nobody could be more deserving than you! And you are going to do GREAT!

I hope they call me on a mission...

2011-05-19T13:34:00.002-06:00

Yes, this was me at least four times yesterday. Checking the mailbox has become a regular routine. So much that I have hijacked the keys and put it on my own keyring. Most bizarre feelings to be waiting for a mission call.

dia de me madre

2011-05-18T01:18:00.003-06:00

To the mom that went to everyone of my volleyball and basketball games for over 7 years.

To the mom that woke me up everyday to make sure I made it to school.

To the mom that woke herself up everyday to make breakfast for us.

To the mom that made me to go church for all 18 years before moving out.

To the mom that was always home for dinner.

To the mom that is the most die-hard BYU fan I have ever met.

To the mom that stayed up all night while 4 of the 5 kids were throwing up.

To the mom that has been my number one fan my whole life.

To the mom that has believed in me and made me believe in myself.

To the mom that has stood behind me through all of my crazy plans and antics and lifestyles and travels no matter what.

To the mom that taught me the importance of self-confidence and standing up for myself.

To the mom that I love and owe so much to...

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

late as usual!

2011-05-18T01:05:00.003-06:00

April 23rd is a special day

It's mom and dad's ann-i-ver-sar-y!

Happy anniversary! Happy anniversary!

Ha-have a happy anni-ver-sary!

(you should have heard when we sang it)

My parents marriage has always been "different" to me. Growing up, about 90% of my friends parents were divorced or it wasn't uncommon to hear them fighting or arguing or bashing on each other. I never saw that with my parents. It wasn't until about 3 years ago that I realized just how truly amazing my parents love for each other is: they're a team ALWAYS! Whether 'punishing' us, deciding if we can hang out that weekend, where to vacation, or big things like moving us to Provo, they always decide it together. Gender roles? Non-existent. I've grown up watching my dad change my brothers (and now niece and nephew) diapers, attempt to put my hair in a ponytail and help my mom clean the house and wash dishes. They support each other. They both have had some hefty callings of Bishop (twice), Relief Society Presidency, Young Womens Presidency and yearsssss of endless scout camps to name a few.

They have taught me about true love! In the past years when I didn't believe in/wanted nothing to do with marriage, it was always their example towards each other that kept some flicker of hope for me. I don't remember them fighting even once! They make each other laugh. My dad kisses my mom when he gets home from work. She starts crying and instantly their hands find each other. They were always "unified" in their decisions. They've shown through example how important the Church is.

I love the way they treat each other and how much their marriage really means to me.

HAPPY THIRTY YEARS TOGETHER!

shoutout!

2011-05-04T22:34:00.003-06:00

Apparantly I have this thing with crying in laundry rooms. Sad, but true.

Especially if it's April.

Back in April 2009, Ericka, Hill and I went down to switch over laundry and play a little air hockey. With a totally random call from my brother, I ran outside to talk to him for a minute while they continued to play. As I walked inside I "looked like a ghost" and both of them could tell something was wrong. Then came the water works! Like 40 minutes of them...

April 2011 I left work to go to a meeting with my Bishop. Luckily I was working with one of my besties that night so it wasn't a huge deal. When I came back, my mind and everything was going crazy so I headed straight to the laundry room, hoping that a lack of human interaction would help me keep my emotions together for a little bit.

Then Miss Kim came walking in. She simply folded her arms, leaned against the counter and asked "How did it go?" Then came the water works! (Something about the smell of clean laundry and the comforting warm air just makes me fall apart I guess) She gave me a hug and stood there listening to my rambling and sobbing and freaking out and swearing and doubts and excitement and just cried with me. Then she gave me all the re-assurance and love that I needed right then.

Kim is a blast to work with! With the exception of my sister, she was the first person I interacted with at my new job and I love her to death. She's kind of on the sister level at this point. She answered her phone all 14 times that I called her trying to find the Lindon Los Hermanos when I was across the street from Hale Center Theatre. She leaves me notes...everywhere. She listens to my venting and raving no matter what the subject. She covers for me. She trades me shifts. She doesn't always let her husband make fun of me. We listen to the same music and take pictures and 45 minutes to clean up dinner because we start laughing at things and get so caught up in talking. She goes into nurse mode and gives me awkward medical opinions/advice. Unlike Hil, she doesn't spray me with the kitchen hose. She doesn't get mad when I send her TMI texts in the middle of the night and makes fun of me for months afterward. She has been the MOST supportive and re-assuring person since I decided to go on a mission...

THANK YOU!
It has seriously meant the world to me!

joy in the journey

2011-04-27T12:19:00.002-06:00

Almost 3 years ago, I graduated from high school. High school was a blast for me! Loved every minute of it! Senior year, I was the class president and student government was amazing, but it stressed me out beyond belief. Especially at the end of the year when I found myself coming home from Hawaii and finishing graduation credits, senior ball and graduation plans. Hectic does not begin to describe my life! I stopped focusing on friends and how much fun I was having and what a great experience I'd had, and bought into everybody else's mindset of "OH MY GOSH I CAN NOT WAIT TO BE DONE WITH HIGH SCHOOL!" After giving my speech, reading names, walking and tossing our caps I turned to our principal and said " I am so happy to finally be out of here." That was a lie. But I felt like I should have been because that's how everybody else felt.
3 months after that great day, I found myself packing up my clothes, book, DVD's, bedding, pictures, hopes and dreams and ambitions and moving 300 miles away from the town, people and experiences that I knew and loved. I told everyone that I was ready for change and adventure! I was the only way that had left home after college and I was learning firsthand and alone just what it meant to grow up. I spent August-Novemember depressed and lonely and sleeping more in a week than I did in a month during high school. I regretted wishing my time away.

To make a long and painful story short, things finally changed right before Thanksgiving break and I vowed to never let myself go back to those 4 awful months. It's a part of who I am to find laughter and good in almost everything that comes my way. In 10th grade I remember lashing out at a teacher..."Why do we never get to just enjoy the stage that we're in?!" In elementary we are slowly shorted on our recess time to get ready for junior high where we don't have any. In junior high we get ready for high school with taking more notes and teachers not going as slow. In high school we are not allowed to turn things in late to get ready for college days where professors don't care about our sob stories. In college we are pushed continually to get ready for "real life" bosses that "can't wait to give us a reality check that life isn't just fun and games."

This has always bothered me and I don't buy it anymore. It makes me sad to see people constantly wishing their time away in so many aspects because it's hard or they can't wait to get on to something better. Why? We were so ready to get out of high school on to college only to find ourselves (or some of us at least) stuck with rent and tuition and having to cook for ourselves and heavy workloads and awful deadlines. We want to get out of college and on to the real world, even though I'm pretty sure many people wish they could return to the careless ways of college-fun-days. Rushing to get married? Wanting babies to grow up only to find the classic question of "Where did time go" as they get married or leave on missions.

Stop counting the days, and start making the days count! ENJOY THE NOW! I have had a beyond crazy semester and am incredibly ready for finals to be over with. But I have loved every step of the way. I loved the days that we sat in Rauj (aka Dr. Blomquist) class making a tally for how many times he swore that lecture..I looked forward to dark room days where we placed bets on who's film wouldn't turn out and pizza runs on our 3 hour lecture days..I did not get kicked out of the library. Not even once..We went to dances...Roadtrips 3 hours away with dad for a 10 point paper..I almost peed my pants in math when Josh fell asleep and bounced his head off his desk..I made friends with strangers in my classes..I almost cried when I open my history midterm and realized I had no idea what anything was on the test, but felt better that I wasn't the one that got up and left without even trying..I laughed as we burned analytical reviews on Nathan's stove while we made brownies..I spent over 200 bucks on photo supplies and wish I'd spent more...I stayed in lab for 7 hours to walk outside and find myself in a snow ball fight..

Graduation is an amazing accomplishment and should never be thought of as anything less but why rush it? You'll NEVER ever ever get to go back to this stage of life so enjoy for it now and soak up all of it that you can. Live. with. no. regrets.

Here's to Spring 2011 semester!

it was a good one

this week

2011-04-25T22:07:00.003-06:00

April 21st-May 1st is going to be a glorious time! For starters, I am getting my hair done tomorrow for the first time since January. Yes, that would be 4 months! New record? I think yes. My nails will finally be painted. MY FINALS WILL BE DONE! My hand will no longer smell like fixer or developer. I am going to enjoy the room and bathroom that I spent 3 hours cleaning (probably even take a bath with the jets on). I am getting a schedule change at work. I am planning a mini roadtrip. I am making my FUN "to do" list for the summer. I am going to start reading my choice of books. I am going to burn my past homework. I am going to play tennis with Scott and dinner with Dave. I am going to sleep more than 4 hours a night. I am going to go on a walk. I am going to say goodbye to my new Rockstar Recovery addiction. I am going to start washing my hair more than once a week.
I am going to see this boy :) Jon Hammond is finally returning to Utah tomorrow and I freakin can not wait. I was way excited to go to the airport...until I realized it'd be kinda weird and that I have finals. So tomorrow night it is :) Bring on a roadtrip and Wendy's runs!

This girl has also returned back to Utah! My China buddy and good friend I have missed so much. We probably won't be staying in a trafficking hotel, hopping on any random buses or gagging over "nasty tofu" smells in a market. We likely won't be hauling water up 5 flights of stairs. We definetly won't be singing Mulan songs along the Great Wall of China...but we will definetly be having a blast and doing some serious catch up!

I'm gonna finally write the brother that I miss mucho. Yes I'm a bad sister and haven't writtten him for awhile. In particular, it's probably time he know about the mission plans. Mexico is lucky to have him :)

I remembered this week why I didn't do finals in St. George....holy hell! And no mom, I'm not using it as my typical expression, it literally is hell to have all that stress and lists of what to get done and no personal time whatsoever. But it's such an accomplished feeling. Still not worth it though.

blah

2011-04-18T12:20:00.003-06:00

Ted is the Mav man that I see on nearly a daily basis for my drink and chip fix. It's safe to say we're pretty good friends!

Ted: "Oooooh girl! You're getting juice?!"
Me: "(laughing) Yep! It has come that time again."

Ted: "No Mt. Dew at all? Not even a little one?"

Me: "Nope. Just cranberry and apple for me today."

Ted:"....you did it again didn't you? Too much go and not enough slow? You're getting sick again. I TOLD YOU you need to slow your life down."

Who needs a doctor when you've got a mav man?! Funny that he's right though. The last 2 weeks have been straight up crazy! I worked a LOT and then spent every other waking minute (which definetly out weighed the sleeping minutes) doing homework and various school crap. I poured it on last week, crossing stuff off the to-do list like crazy so I could take my little vaca to St. George. And of course....played ALLLL weekend! So naturally when I woke up today, there was a little man hammering at the inside of my skull behind my eyes, a tennis ball stuck in my throat, my eyelids were glued shut and someone had beat me with a bat while I slept! .....okay maybe not, but that's definetly what it felt like. Once I discovered it was raining, it was pretty near impossible to get out of bed.

Happy Monday? probably not so much this time. But it was definetly worth it:)

to-do and be done

2011-04-11T21:49:00.005-06:00

Only Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and 12 hours and:

-Calling Dr. Holmes

-Calling Dr. Marshall

-Email Jonny boy

-Write Taylor

-Meeting with bishop

-3 days of work

-7 hours in photo lab

-4 pictures fully mounted and critiqued

-Math assignment "checked" email

-5 math assignments for the week (not to count catch up)

-Library appeal form

-Cove Fort books

-Mounain Meadow Massacre books

-First (yes first) 10 anatomy/physiology quizes

-Pick up take home test for math

-Plan out bill payments schedule

-Type and print history notes

-History flashcards

-Develope 4 rolls of film and do contact sheets

-1 month (yes month) of laundry

-Clean out car

-Clean bathroom

-Book analytical paper

-Research paper

BUT THEN....

I'm off to my favorite little San Jorge for the weekend! So here's to a week of complete lockdown and finally finally finally cracking down on a real to do list (because this isn't even everything I have to do by end of semester) and then a few days off to play with friends and defrost in that sunshine! :)

And of course I always go down by myself so I have a good 2 1/2 hours of blasting music, singing at the top of my lungs with the windows down...who says therapy isn't cheap?!

I. Can. Not. Wait.

and in case you didn't hear...I AM going on a mission. So don't judge me when I start sluttin it up as soon as it's warm cause my days of freedom are starting to count down already!

you'll know if it's for you

2011-03-31T00:12:00.007-06:00

DON'T LET YOUR SCHOOLING GET IN THE WAY OF YOUR EDUCATION

It's no big surprise that I look at life a little bit differently than most people. There are 3 f's that take dominance on my life: friends, family, fun. Death is something that is very real to me and has hit home a lot more often than I'd care to admit. In working at a nursing home, I see a side of life where people are sometimes left with regrets, "what-if's" and a long list of things to do that will now never be done. I'm not to say they haven't lived great lifes! Most (if not all) really have! But it's way too common that you run into somebody that is full of examples on what they'd have done differently.

With people meaning the most to me, I definetly get frustrated sometimes when they don't have the same priorities. Nobody likes to feel used or that they're forgotten or taken for granted but those days definetly come. If they don't for you-kudos! Everytime I try to tell myself to let someone go, or wait for them to put the work in, I cave. Lame? yes.

I guess that's what happens though when you lose someone (even once) that you left questions with. Because in all honesty, you really never do know when the last time you talk to someone will be the last time and trust me when I say that it's the worst feeling to have things left unresolved. Even if it's just positive things that you never took the time to say. And it's something that you have to live with.

Through out the last year I've come to be best friends with P. Mosh and she has taught me a lot. The main thing though is that she is never afraid to say how she feels whether for good or for bad. It's something that I admire about her a lot and I've tried to do it myself. I've always been one to avoid saying "too much" or hurting feelings or appearing vulnerable or anything that honest open communication can lead to. But I've learned that straight up honesty is really the only way to go in life. Sometimes feelings are going to be hurt or you'll find yourself in the middle of a conversation that you REALLY don't want to be in, but in the end, it is much much better to just go through it anyways. A little "Speak Now" from T-Swift if you will...

Immature, irresponsible, party girl, short sighted, unrealistic...the list could go on! These are all words that have been used to describe me at one point or another. I can honestly say though that I really just do. not. care. I have had moments where I have felt so alive and excited that I literally couldn't breathe. I have had days where I didn't have a care in the world and was miles away from any kind of fear or frustration. I have started to see the world. I have laughed so hard I've peed and heaved. I am in a place where I'm not afraid to talk to anybody whether I know them or not. I have had my heart broken. I have been betrayed. I have given and taken second chances. I have taken risks! (Yes-some were flat out crazy and were NOT my best ideas) and have had more adventures than I can even count!

But it's all a part of really, truly living. And not letting a single moment go past you. So I take lots of pictures, laugh at almost everything, make an effort with people, take roadtrips, spend money and time to visit people I love, but fun clothes, dance like a fool, stay up all night, think un-logically, enjoy the little moments, do things out of the norm, travel, seek adrenaline rushes....I guess that secretly I'm a little scared that all too soon it'll be over and I'll be sitting in my nursing home, talking about the good days and all the things I wanted to do in life.

(let's be honest-this is just a hilarious picture of the day)

As another random side note for my "seize the day and fix your life" rambling...I've thought a lot lately about people that I know I've hurt. I really am very sorry! I never meant for you to feel bad in any way and things I did were never to deliberatly hurt you. For the record, I still maintain that you never came to ME to try and fix things or even ask for an explanation, but that doesn't change the fact that you were hurt. I think there's 2 sides to every story and in some instances, neither of us were open to even entertaining the idea of hearing the other person out. Just know...I am sorry!

100th blog post!

2011-03-23T00:55:00.006-06:00

So I had this cool, "lookback" and how have I changed type thing all typed up for my 100th post because for some reason I felt like it was a fairly big deal that I had kept it going for that long, when it started only because of a whim.

However, life in general isn't going according to plan lately, so why would something as simple as a blog post follow my initial intentions? ;)

Long story short? I am so happy. Really. I know that there are many times where I sound down and slightly depressed and (quite frequently) angry, but at the end of the day I love my life and I wouldn't change where I'm at now for anything.

Since starting this little blog, Taylor has grown to become one of my greatest friends and heroes. He is one of the people I look up to the most and I miss him tons! I miss his funny accents. I miss him sometimes taking me to school. I miss him scaring me (also a fairly frequent occurance). I miss him helping me with things like pushing my car out of the snow and half way up the street so I can get to work, even though by doing so he's making himself late. I miss his input on guys and his never failing gay-dar. I'm incredibly happy we moved out of the "I want to kill you whether we're related or not" and into actually being real friends.

It's a well known fact that facebook is one of the biggest black holes in the history of the world. However, it has nothing on these little babies. I'll try and run to my mom's just to drop something off, pick something up etc. "In and out in 10 minutes" but if they're awake I just can't pull myself away from them. I feel like when Ash had Kez, our family came together a little bit more for some reason and since then have gotten even closer and closer. I've never been one that's too big on family but I'm glad that I took everyone's advice and have taken chances to get closer to them. There are definetly still some frustrating days, but it's good. I love Keznee and Jaxon so much that it's hard to imagine that I could love even my own kids more.....odd yes.

If you had told me in high school that I would be moving to China for a semester, I never would have believed you. I'd like to think I was independent then, but nothing compared to where I am now. I haven't cried about China for a long long long time. (Yes I used to have random outbursts of tears when I first got home.) So long in fact that I don't even remember the last time. BUT, I still think about it all the time. I miss my kids like crazy! Roni learned the hard way on Sunday that I still love to sit and talk about it because it really did change my life in so many more ways than I thought it would have. So if you're ever bored and have 17 hours to spare, let me know and I'll give you the run down ;)

When I started this, I had just finished my first semester in St. George and it was nothing at all like what I thought it was going to be! I had a REALLY hard time letting go of high school and overall, my first semester really kinda sucked. I didn't have many friends. And by many I mean I had none. My high school crew allll stayed in Provo and could still hang out all the time and even though I had wanted the change and wanted new people, over Christmas break I seriously doubted if I could do it. My first posts were about Tanner and Clayton leaving on missions, and that was my wake up point. I finally realized that others were moving on too and that it was something I had to face. From that day on, I had a blast! I made more friends than school progress. I opened my mind up to different ideas about people, the Church, and life in general. I learned first hand how to grow up and it was hard because nobody prepared me for that side of "awesome college life that is so so so much better than high school." But I am so happy I went through it! I still love St. George soooo much and see why I needed to go there.

Like Taylor, my sisters have also become really good friends of mine. Brittany and I have always been close, but since we've both been in college and back in the same stage of life, it's easier to see things more eye to eye now. I loved having her in Cedar while I was trying to figure life out in St. George because she was always quick to come rescue me in those times where I didn't think I could do it. I love that we have some mutual friends and that we actually hang out. On the other hand, you could say me and Ashlee have never even been "associates." We didn't talk, we didn't agree, we didn't hang out. As you can probably guess though, that has changed. I have more respect for Ashlee than I do for almost anybody else. She's gone through some really hard things that I used to kinda judge her for until I realized what "real life" is about. I'm so thankful for her and her patience when I'd call her out of the blue, ask her personal questions and use her experiences for help with making my own decisions in life. I love that she ended up with a great guy like Jake and didn't settle for less than she deserved. The fact that she's got a deployed husband and is rasing 2 kids on her own kinda speaks for itself. She's a HUGE example to me and I'm glad that she took the time for her little sister, even when she may not have wanted to.

I have 3 B's that are on the trigger list of things I don't talk about, or don't talk about without getting mad or emotional: brother, Barry (aka dad) and boys. Kind of a well known fact I guess cause I've had people telling this to ME lately :) However, I'll touch on the boys thing for a minute because I got some good advice this week from (of course) dear ol' Sarah. She told me that now that I've let a lot of things from the past go, it's time to shift my focus to the worthwhile guys in my life and put more energy and attention there instead of the past. Drive through the windshield not the review mirror type thing. So... Dave and Troy. They were the "blessing boys" from a couple weeks back. I LOVE priesthood worthy guys! I guarantee that I am the girl that asks for blessings in the most inconvient times and it's such a relief when the guy is worthy, late at night, spur of the moment to come help me. And patient while they just sat there letting me have my cry moment ;) Kyle...chivalry is not dead when it comes to this boy! The biggest thing with him is that he makes me feel so good when I'm with him. He's always genuinely interested about what's going on in my life, and how past things turned out and walks me out to my car (OPENING DOORS) every. single. time. I leave his apartment. Bryce is so cute when he waits for his girlfriend to come out of class and opens the car door for her. Cody is still working on fixing his life, 2 years later and still hasn't given up. James is hilarious and always so fun to hang out with! Mike always tries to do what he thinks is right, and is so concerned about other peoples feelings all the time.

I love to have fun in life! That has always been true, not really a change in the last 2 years, but even more so now. I think the fact that so many of my friends are getting married and closing out their "single lives" that it just adds more motivation to just keep going and doing what I want to do. I have never wanted to be one of those girls that graduated high school, did a couple semesters of college (while still living at home of course) and then got married and send my kids to the same high school I went to (welcome to Provo!). Ew. There is so much that I still want to do before I even think about getting to a marriage point! Another adventure (like China) just might be stirring up for me again....

The last couple years have been a blast! I have made friends with some people that I really love and I'm so happy they've come into my life! I've lost some people and that only furthers my motivation to stay close with people around me now. I loooooove adventures and fun and laughing and traveling.... but school is finally started to have a place in my life too. Not too much since I did this instead of a paper, but it's getting there. For the first time in years, I'm going to class. For the first time in years, I'm starting to go back to church. I guess you could say that in some ways I've grown up a lot lately. I even have a check book now and this month alone have had 4 serious, "feelings", honest talks with people that needed to be done. Yeahhhh lookout! ;)

p.s. Since I made mention of Ashlee, Brittany and Taylor I guess I should say something about Tan Man. LOVE this kid! That's never changed though. We've always kinda been buddies and he's usually down to do anything that I'd let him come along to. Sneaky T still gets to hear more about my life than he cares to but I love that he'll always listen to me when I need him. Still the funniest kid ever. Still my little protector on the streets of Sanpete. Still long boarding and lunch buddies. Still honest, slightly naive, awesome (but no longer little) kid. Love you dude!

literally a LOL

2011-03-16T01:26:00.002-06:00

Jess and I were planning on going to see Clayton speak at 10 and Sarah at 11. Tanner was possibly going with us. He failed to mention that he himself was speaking at 1 that day. I'm sure he thought that he got away with it until Kirk text me and asked me if I was going. Needless to say, we were dressed and flew over there just as he was standing up to speak. And the look on his face to see us there in (nearly) the front row...laugh out loud.

A while back I was at this "Women of the Mountains" Conference for a class. There was a really cute guy that sat by me in the human trafficing lecture. We slowly bonded through our "That's awful!" "Wow!" and "Oh my gosh" comments we made under our breaths through out it. It was super interesting, but got old and tedious. With 10 minutes left, I was ready to go and he was ready for gum. He pulled a piece out for himself and motioned to me to see if I wanted some. You know that thing everyone does when they already have some but apparently feel the need to really prove it and roll it up to their teeth, pull their lips back and show the offer-er that you clearly already have some there? I attempted to do that at the same time that I went to let out a sigh. Yes, I full on spit my gum right into this poor guy's face. Naturally my first response at my embarrasment and slight humiliation?...laugh out loud.

A massacre is women and children without guns. This was grown, fully loaded men going out and looking for a fight that got blown away. Here in reality we call that a straight up ass-whoopin!...laugh out loud.

These warriors had Michael Jordan hang time and Jacki Chan moves. Tell me you wouldn't be scared to see them poppin over your hay wagon!...laugh out loud.

"You have no idea just how many times I'll have a young man come to me and 'President I don't understand! I know that this is the girl I'm supposed to marry but she just doesn't feel the same way!' To one young man I couldn't take it anymore and felt it was time to tell him the truth. I said 'Brother did you ever think that that may be the Lord's way of telling you 'Hey if you think you can pull it off, BE MY GUEST!'...laugh out loud.

Actual line walking behind 2 guys at school: "Dude just let it go! If she hasn't deleted you on facebook yet then you're totally fine! You could still have a chance."...laugh out loud

2011-03-12T22:24:00.003-07:00

"I realize that life has slapped you in the face this week but you are acting like a [biotch]! I got us drinks and I can see your car so ignore me all you want but I'm not leaving until you come for a ride and talk to me about this."

He is awesome! He reminded me that sometimes I forget just how great my friends are. Sorry if I seem ignorant. Sorry if you were 1 of the 5 people I fought with between 9 and 11 yesterday. Sorry if I don't text you back or if I text you too much. Sorry if I lied to you and you caught me....

...it's just been one of those weeeks!

the good life

2011-03-10T23:15:00.003-07:00

This week has been lonnnnnnnnng and crazy! So naturally a quick little visit to dear ol' Sarah was due today. There were no tears. There was no fighting. There was a smile and an "I am proud of you" and it was pretty much amazing.

Spring Break is in 6 days and HELLO California! Yes I laugh out loud (literally) every time that I think about it, but hey....I thrive on this right? It's pretty much the essence of my life and I always have some good stories.

I had one of the best weekends that I've had in a long time: meeting Elder Cook twice, game night at Claytons, funniest game of curses that has ever been played in the history of the world, dance party, small catch up with Roni, Jazz game, on the jumbotron 4 times, 14th row, overtime, high five from CJ Miles and Harris, caught a T-Shirt and a mini basketball, singing for the CES fireside, laughing with awesome Ammon (come into my life again por favor) and little bonding with the roomies and Ryne (which let's face it...he's our male mate)

I got a blessing Sunday night. One of the things that stood out to me was when Dave said "God is always with you and aware of your trials and concerns, even when you don't feel that He is." I have tried to keep this in mind all week and it's made a big difference.

Went hot tubing with Mark and he parked me in a huge puddle. Jumping out into 5 inches of rain and freezing my feet and soaking my sweats...quite comical actually.

I have one of the funniest history teachers ever! Like, I'm pretty sure that coming soon there will be a post about just his funny little quotes. He makes me take more notes than any other class but he is hilarious.

I saw Spencer last week. Best talk ever. I saw him again today (me looking homeless as always) and he gave me a hug and said I looked cute. I'm still wondering why I didn't marry that boy...

Keznee is kinda sensitive. She REALLY doesn't like to be laughed at. So when me and Ashlee busted up only a few inches from her while she picked her nose with the funniest expression, she did not appreciate it. She burst into tears and I felt awful but I loved how cuddly she instantly became.

If you are yet to experience the "awesome-ness" of Sweet Tooth Fairy...you need to look into it ASAP! In the words of my mother "If you were to stop buying those little cakebites, you would already have your student loans paid off!" Probably a true story.

The other week when I worked 68 hours, I obviously had a little bit of a priority switch. Such as...it may or may not have been about 4 days since I had washed my hair. My first day off in 9 days, I showered (and washed my hair) before going to class. Josh sat up as soon as I walked in and was beaming: "Well look who doesn't look homeless anymore!" I laughed and claimed that I never had: "I just didn't have time to wash my hair for a couple days!" He thought this was the funniest thing he'd heard all year I guess cause he was near dying. "Like I said...homeless!" Love that boy! He makes that class so fun to go to!

I have never heard somebody swear as much as Andrea does on photo lab days. Like really. I always feel bad but it really is kinda comical that at this point she still just doesn't get it and get's sooooo upset about it.

Christina Izatt is awesome. And girl if you're reading this, I am so happy and excited and proud of/for you! They aren't gonna know what hit them, but they are going to LOVE you! Almost as much as I do :)

After all week of "tomorrow is gonna be better and I'll be in a better mood!" It actually happened today :) Life was not only good today..it was great! :) And that awesome sunshine sure didn't hurt at all...

HAVE A FABULOUS FRIDAY! :)

2011-03-09T22:10:00.002-07:00

Why do I blog? I don't have any children (That I know of...and typically the girl always knows) I'm as far away as you can possibly be from getting married (even the thought of a dating relationship freaks me out) I'm no longer living in a cool, crazy country (Oh China how I miss you!) and my school isn't that awesome (go UVU...back in Provo again)

But let me assure you my friends...things are changing :) :) :)

feliz cumpleanos a me hermana

2011-03-07T19:43:00.007-07:00

You know those people in your life that you know you couldn't live without? Or the people that make your life that much better? Those people that you get soooo excited about everytime you see them? Those people that have you laughing without end? Those people that know you better than you know yourself? Those people that you sometimes don't see for a while but when you do it's as if nothing ever changed? Those people you love? Please meet my friend Dom! Today is her 22nd birthday so (as usual) I thought it was a good time to look back and say some of what she means to me:
1. The first time I ever met Dom was at volleyball tryouts my freshman (her sophmore) year. I thought that everyone was calling her "Dum-Dum" and even though I thought it was weird, I remember being so impressed with how chill she was that she could joke around like that with everybody.

2. Dom and I once took on New York together :) It was quite possibly one of the greatest trips of my whole life. How do I even begin to talk about this trip?! That's the point where Dom and I started getting SUPER close! I'm always so grateful for this because she ended up being such a huge influence in my life from that point on. I may or may not have squirted Capri Sun in my eyes and choked on a bag of marshmallows while Dom died laughing; Knicks vs. Mix; laughing at Lamont; "Johnny" the good fairy, racing up the Empire State Building, pissing off Zach Sherman, talking with funny accents all of Ellis Island; stromboli; falling asleep at all of our conferences; 2 broadway shows, amazzzzing shopping and of course...we won't talk about take off on the way home. :(

3. One word: Wendy's

4. Sometimes Dom and I would be so determined NOT to go to class that we once ran through the parking lot completly haunched over, and then continued to walk the couple blocks to her house because neither of us had driven that day.

5. We had to do FCCLA in order to go to New York and we made that thing into the biggest joke in the world. Thank you Sherman for never killing us no matter how many times you have wanted to :)

6. "What the HELL?! Why do you look like you're going to the beach?!"

7. Dom introduced our team to the "chicken and crackers" classic that we all fell in love with and had to take to everyyyy game and tournament with us.

8. Dom has ALWAYS had my back! So much in fact that she even had one of her other friends mad at her, because Dom wouldn't give me up as her "source" for some information that we found out. This was one of the many times that Dom taught me what it means to be a true friend

9. For years we had always talked about how we wanted to dance to "Bless the Broken Road" at each of our weddings... I cried a little watching her and Losi finally live this dream

10. "CHAUNNY WHY THE HELL IS THE YELLOW LINE ON MY SIDE OF THE ROAD?!" And did I mention that Dom was the one that taught me how to gas my car? :)

11. Y parking lot! My dad had this rule that I had to have my cell phone off after 10 but Dom needed directions up there so I crawled under my bed and tried to whisper them to her while she got more and more and more lost. Another time we took 2 other people up there in the middle of winter, right after a snow storm. We were the only 2 laughing as we slowly, slowly slid down the mountain.

12. One of our games Dom wasn't even in at the time and Ashlyn got a yellow card that somehow was given to Dom

13. Dom thinking: She doesn't even want to know what happened... Me: "Okayyyy so want to know what happened?!" Once again Sherman...thanks for not killing us!

14. These little bubble wraps things were impressively fun to play with at practice one day. Coach got sick of us popping them and wanted us to go run, threatening if we popped anymore. We thought she was in the soundroom and ran over and popped a tonnnnn more. Coach wasn't in the sound room...and I've never been more scared of her in my life.

15. We didn't miss a single football game and yet we somehow NEVER made it in time for a single kick off either. We celebrated 2 state football championships together!

16. Dom once sent me a text that she started "Hey Chaunny I know this is super random..." and went on for a bit about how glad she was we were friends. I'm pretty sure she will never realize just how much it meant to me, and how badly I needed that that night.

17. For a few years now I've felt like an honorary "Uata" girl. Dom introduced me to her family and let me kinda become a part of them, especially during a time when I wasn't very interested in my own.

18. For Dom's 18th birthday (appropriate that it's #18...) I got Dom tickets to Rascal Flatts when they came to Salt Lake. She was too scared to open it, but was crying once she figured out it was for real. I'm so happy that we not only got to see our FAVORITE band, but it was also Dom's first ever concert.

19. Dom helped me to find "the good guys" and to be respected. One of my FAVORITE nights of all of last semester was ripping some papers to shreads ;) and catching up, talking about the guys we wanted (and that she got) and where we wanted to go in life. (p.s. I still have those pieces to burn!)

20. One of my favorite nights of Junior year was when Veronica and us drove up to the basketball game at Lehi! We jammed the WHOLE way there and listened to Rascal Flatts "Here's To You" the whole way and had a full on dance made up by the time we were home. Best. Drive. Ever.

21. Dom is always downnnn! She's down for crazy adventures, she's down for chill nights, she's down for sweats to movies, she's down for ice skating, she's down for food runs, she's down for drives...you name it and she'll be there! And she seriously will have me cracking up the WHOLE time!

22. Dom was the first of my close friends in "that group" to get married. She allowed me to be a part of it by being one of her bridesmaids :) I was sooooo excited when she asked me and felt honored that she'd let me a part of her big day. I loved helping her pick out dresses :) I loved that we walked down the asile to "Love Story". I loved helping her get her dress on for the reception. I loved that she continued to be such a big example to me and got married in the temple. She did the "right time, right place, right person" thing and watching her and Losi walk out of the temple after being sealed, you could tell how happy they were and I have never been more proud/excited for her in my life!

Love you DOM DOM! Thanks for everything that I couldn't even begin to thank you for! You literally saved my life when I moved to Provo and I'm glad you've stayed such a big part of it. Loooooove you and Happy Happy Happy Birthday!

frenzy of February

2011-03-03T15:21:00.000-07:00

February was phenominal! "The month of love" ended up being pretty well suited because I saw a LOT of people that mean alot to me. In January my friend was laughing at me and my "out of control" life and he wanted to plan something out for each weekend in February so ensure that "the chaos stayed at an appropriate level." Totally joking, but it ended up being fairly true.

Weekend #1

This story alone pretty sums up why I love Andy and Hil as much as I do: 8:15 on a Friday night I text Hil that I missed her and was tempted to go up to Logan that night. At 8:30 she called me. I got off of work, ran home, threw a bunch of stuff into an empty rubbermade box (cause I didn't even take the time to find my luggage) and by 10:40 I was at a jersey dance party with her and the guys. The rest of the weekend was pretty typical to most of the times we hang out! I know I say it a lot, but I seriously love them to death! They have "saved" me so many times and think of them as 1 of the many reasons I had to move to St. George.

Weekend #2

The Monday that I got home from Lo-Town, we found out that grandma had passed away in the night sometime. That week was crazy as I worked and tried to get school set enough that I could take off for another weekend. Thursday night, I left with Ashlee and the babies and Tan-Man for a few days down in Sanpete. Great discovery of that week?! Mt. Pleasant actually has a hotel. And a pretty nice one. At first I thought it was bad to say, but I had a blast those 3 days! I met new cousins for the first time and saw some of them that I haven't seen in years. There was a tonnnnn of food, the funniest game of Mafia that has ever been played and of course: the cousin heighth picture.

Weekend #3

This was a "defrost" weekend: St. Geezy trip! I'd met Thad's sister a couple of times but we'd never really hung out or talked. However, we drove down together with her friend Amanda and it was so much fun! (Minus the insane ticket of course) Lenzie is such a cool girl and is so fun to hang out with. It was fun to actually get to know her after all I'd heard about her from Thad. P Mosh met us in Cedar to get lunch and she ended up making me go to bio with her. I escaped during a pee break and went for a walk with my sister instead. Yet again: another awesome weekend! Bonfire, movies movies movies, photoshoot, hiking the snow canyon caves during the day (which was a first for me), seeing the "Red Lobster" friends, a little shopping, 2 basketball games and a few parties. Sometimes it's almost hard to go visit because it makes me miss it so much, but I love to go back and it's always fun to see people again.

Weekend #4

It was finally time for a weekend in "Happy Valley." From the Monday we got back from St. George, to the following Sunday I worked a grand total of 64 hours. I was beyond burned out and tired but I was still feeling some kind of party. It's the "I need to do something before I go crazy" type of thing. Friday I got off of work early to (literally) run to a lecture for a class, go meet up with Anna and her dance company to take pictures for photo, then home to shower and take a 20 minute "nap" before I went rock climbing with James. So. Much. Fun. That's the first time I've ever gone and I am in love with it. I had a call from Lenzie so I met up with her and some others at a dance. The next night I got off early again, got called back, but still ended up at a dance last minute where I hung out with Christina and Andrew and Nicole for the first time in forever. (And thank you Andrew for not literally being disguested with me all night)

Other cool February events? I had sushi that was amazing (and technically for the first time). This also included getting to see Brie, Parker and Ryan for the first time in months and finally meeting the Jared I've heard so much about. We followed it up with "Green Hornet" that Brie assured us was hilarious...and we weren't disappointed!

Tanner Perry and Clayton Conley and Kahea Clark are back and as funny as ever! For different reasons, but funny nonetheless ;) They both did such an amazing job at their welcome homes (even though Claytons was in December and Kahea in Septemeber-but it's fun that we're finally hanging out) an it's fun to see how they've changed, but at the same time stayed the same. Like Tanner's funny voices, their laughs and the way Clayt still gets offended when I say he has emo music.

I fell in love with Spencer a little bit more. In a friend way of course :) He is such an AWESOME guy and continues to always be so respectful and kind. It's impossible for me to drink any type of juice without thinking about him. He text me to meet him one day that I was busy, "Come on...I'll buy you another juice!" and we had such a good talk. It was awesome to see such a high quality, classy guy treat me so great when technically he didn't owe me anything. I thought to other guys from the past that (in my mind) might have "owed me" a little bit more respect with the way they handled things going on between us and then Spencer came in and was such a GREAT guy! I am so happy that I met him, he's a good friend!

Bring on the madness of March :)

has it really been a year?!

2011-02-27T23:44:00.000-07:00

One year ago today, was a very significant weekend for me. For many reasons actually. This weekend last year, was a weekend I spent much of the rest of the year trying to get over. (Or at least a good 6 months to follow)

One year ago yesterday, was the Justin Young and Colbie concert. One word: A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. The Logan girls were all coming down, having dinner at Roadhouse, the concert and wrap it up with scary movies and sleepover at Er's. The week before the concert actually cracks me up now that I'm in a position to look back on it. Leave it to me to always get sick when big things are coming up. Trips, tests, concerts...you name it!

The night before the concert I went over to see Er and Brett when I got off work cause we were waiting for Hil, Andy, Megan and Kay to get there from Logan. I was already sooooo sick. And quite frankly pretty out of it. I took a double dose of dayquil from Brett and a dose of nyquil from Ericka. Then I realized that I'd left my sleepover stuff at my apartment so I left to go get it. The next thing that I remember is waking up in the middle of my floor in the middle of the night, panicing that my legs had been cut off and my phone laying next to me going crazy. Turns out I had made it home but sat in a cross legged position for some reason, then somehow passed out in some kind of haunched forward position. Extrememly painful on my back and my legs were 100% numb...hence the fear of them being cut off.

Jesse was also a significant part of Colbie week. I'd met dear Ol' Jess just 2 weeks before, he sat by me in my institute class every time that I went. Every, Time. Like even if he was already sitting down, he'd move on over. 1 week to concert time and he asked me if I'd like to date him. Not to go on a date with him, just date him. There's a difference. (And you should probably know that he is one of the most intense people I've ever met.) He mentioned one day that he was working security for the concert and that he could get a date backstage to meet her after. Yes I was super shallow and suddenly gave him more attention than I had before that conversation. SUPER long story short: he totally got me back stage after which was freakin amazzzzzing! And as you can see from the picture above: we totally matched and she was adorable and incredibly nice! More on Jesse later...you won't blame me for using him shamelessly.

We were on the second row which is the closest that I've ever been at a concert. I loved every single minute of it! We'd yell out random things and they could actually hear us and have little conversations with us while they're up on stage. Seriously, amazing. And if you've never checked out Justin Young before, you need to do so! This is the whole group with her stage manager Andy that she got to sing...he's bomb! Sounds a lot like Bob Marley! A lot of us all got high fives from her after the show too.

The actual day of the concert, I was still sick but adrenaline had pretty much taken over at that point. I had hardly any feeling in the left side of my face and my nose and eyes were watering like I didn't think was humanly possible but there was no way I was going to miss it. So I took triple the normal dose of dayquil, 2 pills of an old prescription, and a whole box of tissues in my purse and was ready to go!

She sang all of my favorite songs :) I was panicked at first that she wasn't going to sing Bubbly (which will always be #1 in my mind) but good ol Jess blew the secret that it was the encore song so I did end up getting to hear it. After the show we went to Ericka's and watched "Stepfather" with a bunch of beds all over her front room. Hil and I do NOT do scary movies but of course it was a blast! Loved every minute of that day!

One year ago tonight I was watching a pirated version of "Avatar" with 2 of my best friends, 1 of which gave me the best surprise I'd had in a long time. I had no idea just how many surprises were coming that weekend though! Sometimes when I think about it (or seem them on campus allllll the time), it can still get to me and make me sad. They were my go to guys and my best friends. If either of them were to ever read this, I would definetly want them to know I still miss them randomly. I still go to text them. Like I said, it took me months to move on and "get over" everything. I heard a song tonight that made me think of how much those boys meant to me. But because of that experience I learned a LOT, went through a lot of needed change, was better prepared for stuff I'm going through now, grew up, and ended up gaining a lot of different (better) friends because of it. So for now I guess that I'll just keep "thanking God for unanswered prayers."

On a happier note and last but not least....1 year ago this afternoon was the first time that any kind of coloring product had touched my hair. :) Once again though, grateful Brie talked me into it cause now I'm officially an addict.

HAPPY SUNDAY/MONDAY!

2011-02-09T02:44:00.000-07:00

It's 2:44am and I'm still awake. Honestly, nothing too out of the normal. I'm always up late. The difference tonight is that I can't sleep. Very bizarre. I have been known to sleep through anything and everything.

..new boys..

new roommates

..big potential changes..

new plans

..a list of goals..

dreams of summer

..upcoming adventures..

My stomach and head have that crazy, butterfly, going crazy

feeling for multiple reasons. Those of you who know

what I'm talking about know that it isn't good.

Pray for me :)

happiness

2011-02-06T18:22:00.000-07:00

"You only live once. But if you do it right, once is enough"

1. Just knowing that "my chevron" in Brigham City is getting closer, makes me instantly have to pee

2. Law and Order Marathons on Tuesday nights are delightful. But the next night when I'm working by myself and there's a fugitive on the loose..I regret watching them.

3. "Channy we can NOT stay up until 5 again this time! We can't!"

4. Something about dark, late nights with empty roads and loud music makes me feel like I'm a racecar driver.

5. Something about sunny, bright days with sunglasses and loud music makes me feel like I'm a racecar driver.

6. Andy said we parked far away, and even though we were hauling through the snow, we were laughing so hard that I swear we only walked for 2 minutes.

7. Friday I got free parking for over 4 hours because the machine was down

8. Catching up with Lauren White for the first time since December of 09 and seeing her for the first time since August

9. Spring Break is coming up...and I am DEFINETLY going somewhere! I don't know where, but somewhere.

10. There's a cute boy that walks me out to my car and gives me a big hug everytime I leave his apartment.

11. I like my roommates. And get excited when they're home.

12. I still get to go swimming and it's February

13. Hil told me at the game that my fist pump was GOOD. Definetly an improvement

14. There is no school on the 21st and once again...roadtrippin

15. Waking up to texts from people you don't expect them from

16. I did 8 hours in my photo lab last week and I stilllll didn't want to leave when we left at 10 pm

17. I text Hil at 8:15, she called at 8:30. By 1040, we were dancing it up at a party in Logan

18. I have made friends with 3 boys in my math class that crack me up on the daily. The one that sits right next to me will constantly slowly roll his head toward me with an expression that I feel the exact same about.

19. It was sunny today! So sunny that I took a drive up to Sundance and walked around taking a roll of pictures. I didn't wear a jacket and I even sat and had some hot chocolate watching people come down to go back up the lift. Wearing my all too cool shades :)

20. Troy taught me how to dive tonight. I belly-flopped on my first attempt. HARD. But after that...I think I got pretty good. Now I just need to figure out how to keep my bottoms on.

21. Jaxon throws up EVERY time I hold him! I still love "my wittle wuve" though. And I had him smiling and laughing today.

22. Big hugs from my dad

23. Laughing superrrr hard to the texts you wake up to in the morning that you know people aren't going to understand

24. I bought seven new songs on itunes that are already past 10 on the play count

25. James and I finally hung out tonight after weeks of the "let's do something sometime." I'm pretty sure he loves my roommates and they him

26. My history teacher is hilarious. He constantly says things like "You ride a motocyle?! Did you start on the motorcycle or a pedal bike? Since you started on the pedal bike but don't use it anymore, would you consider it a failure? HELL NO YOU WOULDN'T!" He uses drinking and sex references in 90 percent of our lectures and he is pure cowboyyyyyy

27. Clayton's mom finally "likes" me. And even gave me one of her valentine cookies :) And sat there joking with me in the kitchen for a little bit

28. I am constantly reminded how blessed I am to have the amazing friends that I do! And especially for Hil and Andy..always being there in the worst of my times. I can tell them anything without being judged, they know when I need to have them just listen, and we always have a blast. Even if we're killing time on the couch, watching Glee all Saturday afternoon. And let's face it...running away to them ;)

29. Ashlee called me "Chan" a couple times today and for the first time in a LONG time, we seem to be friends. I love it.

30. One of my favorite missionaries is FINALLY home from Peru! And my new favorite missionary is doing great and loving the MTC!

live. laugh. love. always.

2011-01-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

When you haven't seen somebody in over 2 years, one more week really shouldn't make much of a difference right?...

...wrong!
Hurry home my friend! :)

How do you measure a year?

2011-01-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

I had a really bad dream last night. You'll laugh, but it really was terrifying when I woke up! I had meant to do that classic [slightly cliche] "lookback" for 2010 and with my California trip and then diving into school and moving, I never did. We talked about some scary stuff and how the world is getting to be pretty bad last night at work. In return, I had a dream that a man broke into my house and was beating me up. He continued to beat me until I took him through my year month by month. CRAZY? yes! But SCARY nonetheless.

So...2010, what a year! For awhile, whenever I thought back to it, I had a lot of negative flood back to me. It was a tough year. There were lots of hard things. There were lots of changes. I got depressed, twice. I lost some people that I considered to be best friends. I had to grow up. I had fights and hurt feelings and bitterness and anger. I had a lot of 'what ifs' and questions about the future and relected back to easier times. I can't even tell you how many WEEKS I fell asleep with my ipod on repeat to "Movin' On."

But I had an unmeasureable amount of GOOD! I met colbie Cailat..I colored my hair for the first time..I stayed up all night kissing..I had sleepovers..I went to a new part of California I hadn't been to before..I took multiple trips to Vegas..I turned 21..I pet a sting ray..I went streaking on a golfcourse..I got the cutest kiss of all time.. I became good friends with people I worked with..I went cliff jumping..I went to San Diego..I celebrated New Years in the middle of the Vegas strip..I went golfing for the first time..I watched a close friend go through rehab and follow through with working to change his life..I got to watch Taylor walk at graduation..I tried sushi for the first time..I took a last minute, overnight trip to Mesquite..I laid out in the middle of January..I snuck into SandHollow in the middle of the night [not super hard but DEFINETLY an adventure]..I went star gazing in the middle of the Arizona strip..I went camping..I lied to get out of work once for the first time ever..I became a big fan of longboarding..I went to many many bonfires..I drove around taking pictures and running through fountains, blasting music just because finals were over..I TOOK FINALS..I rode in the back of an ambulance as a patient..I got to [attempt] to draw blood..I showered in a swimsuit so we could see how many people we could fit into one..I got the most adorable nephew..I watched Kezy learn to walk..I finally hiked Angels Landing..I went to General Conference for the first time in years..I hiked Kanaraville Falls multiple times..I laughed, hard and a LOT..I halfway peed my pants..I spent 4 hours at the pool, then went straight to the lake for another 5..I went sledding..I went to Jazz games..I got to watch a deployment leave..I got closer to Ashlee..I lit stuff on fire..I cuddled on the floor listening to Jack Johnson and Rascal Flatts for hours..I helped P. Mosh get a puppy..I got tannnnnn..I ate my own body weight in teddy grahams..I got a new car..I learned to love and CRAVE change..I made lots of new friends..I found out who my true friends were..I learned how to skim board..I rode in the back of trucks..I went mudding..I went shooting..I discovered I have a huge love for cranberry juice..I went to the Manti Pageant..I went and visited family that I haven't seen in about 3 years..I tried wheat thins and fell in love with them..I went to Colbie Cailat, Tim McGraw, Jason Derulo, BOB, SafetySuit concerts..I got chased on foot by a cop..I was injured while attempting g-forcing..I survived off of Mt. Dew and pizza rolls..I went to Grafton..I learned how to move on..I started to love 'crafty' things..I stayed in touch with the China girls..I went to lots of weddings..I went to a drive in movie..I got my first college "A"..I locked my keys in my car in the middle of a rare St. George rain storm..I ran through puddles..I went to the most stereotypical Idaho town..I went heartattacking..I ran with Brie to the mailbox in the middle of the night because we were so excited that maybe a missionary had written..I went ice skating..I got to spend lots of time with Brittany coming down to stay with me..I kissed in a hot tub..best of all, I was happy

I was printing pictures for my room, and realized that it'd be impossible to post all of the highlight pictures I wanted to without making this post insanely long. However, these 2 made me laugh quite a bit. They tie for the "most awkward picture of the year" award. If you only knew the stories here :)

Life is crazy. It's fast and it changes quick and without notice and things happen that you never thought would. One of the biggest changes between 2010 and 2011 for me was that I not only moved back to Provo but into BYU housing. Neither of these things were EVER part of the plan for me, I'm happy that I did it though and I really am just loving life! I'm in a great place!

I heard this quote a while back and it's what started to "turn my year around" back in about March or April. I LOVE it and tried to keep it in mind during hard times of life: Lightening doesn't often strike twice. It's a once in a lifetime thing. even if it feels like the shock is coming over and over again. Eventually, the pain will go away, the shock will wear off. And you start to heal yourself. You recover from something you never saw coming. Sometimes the odds work out in your favor: if you're in just the right place, at just the right time, you really can take a hell of a lot of hit. And you will still have the chance of surviving.

There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept. There are things we don't want to know, but have to learn. And people we can't live without, but have to let go.

fairytale in a twist

2011-01-13T01:30:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, long long ago, there was a girl and a boy that were in a "thing" together. Feelings ran deep for various reasons and they told each other everything. This "thing" carried on for quite some time, despite peoples disagreements with it. On a warm spring night full of sprinklers and stars (contrary to typical cold rain and clouds) their beautiful relationship came to a haulting stop, never to return to what it once was.

In the end, there were many hurt feelings, a lot of anger and even some [pitiful] tears. But there was always SOMETHING about the boy, that just didn't let the girl move on all the way. She felt nothing towards him until seeing him and whenever they talked, she felt a tinge of emotion welling up in her. It frustrated her greatly. (And her sister-who heard all about the odd relationship in detail, over and over again)

The girl took great strides to moving on and did very well in it. Over time, the girl stopped feeling pain whenever she thought of the boy. She healed from his anger and awfulness and found new guys in life. She learned to love herself again. But still something even better had happened.

One day, the girl finally found the last piece in the puzzle to put the boy behind her forever. It was a simple piece really! One that she'd partially recognized before, but mainly overlooked due to past despairs that seemed impossible while in the moment.

The girl saw the boy approaching, and for the first time didn't feel negative towards him. She didn't feel angry. She didn't feel hurt. And she especially didn't feel a "tinge." The boy was confused, didn't understand what had changed and how she was doing so well. The girl was finally able to whole heartedly smile at him and proclaim:

"I realized just how much of a fill in you were. You didn't care about me, and I let myself get way too involved with you. You lied and kept secrets while I poured my heart out. I built you up into something that I wanted you to be, instead of realizing what you were. The last things that had me so tied up by you, smashed today and I realized that I am HAPPY and much better off without you! The whole time we joked about you being a fill in, you actually were. Say my name however you want because it doesn't even phase me anymore"

The boy looked disappointed, guilty and even sad. The girl patted him on the chest once (for dramatic effect) and parted with her signature "Have a good one." With that she walked away, smiling, full of self satisfaction and worth. Happy to finally have closure to such a drawn out heartache.

Now it's too early to tell what happens for the girl. Does she meet the true prince? Does she end up with a stepmother to make more trials for her in life? Does a frog wander over next? Who knows. But the girl learned an important lesson that even when hard things, IMPOSSIBLE THINGS, are thrown her way, she will eventually get over them. Things will always get better and trials will eventually make sense and see the purpose in them.

And that my friends, is reason enough to live happily ever after...

a look back

2011-01-09T14:31:00.000-07:00

Christmas was amazing! Probably one of the best years ever actually. I had originally planned to go back and write about it some, but life has been too busy and I have other stuff to catch up on so just look at the fb pictures. The coolest part? Watching Taylor get to help bless baby Jaxon Jacob.

In light of the new year

2010-12-23T22:56:00.000-07:00

"Hasn't it been long enough yet that you can just forgive and forget?"

You know what, I think it has been. So, I'm going to forgive myself for being so stupid and forget that you ever existed.